Friday, 2 January 2009

OBJECTS OF DESIRE

Beastbites is starting a new service for all its readers .
Dont be clueless , allow Beastbites Personal Shopper to trawl the bewildering multitude of goods and services available and select items that fit your style and aspirations





Lose those Christmas inches with these fantastic if slightly smelly Sauna Hot Pants (every pair personally tested by Old Knudsen)




It is often said the family that slays together , stays together



Many of Beastbites regular readers have obviously already discovered the magical powers of Ovaltine , as some of them are more gay before 9 am than many manage all day - discover the secret for yourself







Them wacky saphists manage to sneak in everywhere- come and join the hoe down























Work surfaces that dominate any kitchen









Beastbites Personal shopper also has an exciting range of stylish garments for every occasion





















Letting Beastbite Personal Shopper take the strain gives you more time to relax and enjoy a meal in Dorchesters Premier eating establishment
CAFE C (Putting the c*nt in country cooking)








42 comments:

NAVAL LANGA said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR
MAY THE GOD BLESS YOU FOR THE HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS YOU WISH
[CLICK BELLOW FOR THE CARD]

http://www.images.dgreetings.com/newimages/newyear/2005/new-year-floral1.jpg

I have read some of your posts. I would revisit, as I liked your writings.

Naval Langa
MY SHORT STORIES

Another Blog
LIFESTYLE AND RELATIONSHIP

BEAST said...

Thank you Mr Langa :-)

scarlet-blue said...

Now I've totally forgotten what I was going to write... bugger.
Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Ah, yes... as I'm making do and mending this year I'm going to turn my lilo into a pair of fetching sauna shorts... many thanks for this fashion tip.
Sx

Gorilla Bananas said...

I have a hunch that lesbians would find you fascinating and strangely appealing, Beast. I think you should visit their haunts more often.

FirstNations said...

NAVAL LANGA digs you the most! yoiu see what a career modelling trojan condoms can lead to? success in ones twilight years, trawling the net desperately for readers!!!!

*looks under stinky duvet for lost wiener on a stick*

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
Now I've totally forgotten what I was going to write... bugger.
My writing often has that effect Miss Scarlet...the brain is trying to process the assualt on grammar and sentence structure
Ah, yes... as I'm making do and mending this year I'm going to turn my lilo into a pair of fetching sauna shorts... many thanks for this fashion tip.
An old Lilo is a fashion essential , you are a visionary Miss Scarlet

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
I have a hunch that lesbians would find you fascinating and strangely appealing, Beast. I think you should visit their haunts more often.
On New Years eve ,I was accosted by a lesbian dressed in a nuns habit with big strap on comedy breasts... do you think it was a come on Mr B

BEAST said...

FirstNations said...
NAVAL LANGA digs you the most!
And who can blame him Miss Nations
yoiu see what a career modelling trojan condoms can lead to? success in ones twilight years, trawling the net desperately for readers!!!!
Bugger I didnt know the desperation was showing

*looks under stinky duvet for lost wiener on a stick*
Its in my sauna hotpants keeping warm

Daisy said...

beast...i used to wear a sweater like that years ago...and i was fucking cool too...and yes with the straight pants as well...

inkspot said...

Great post, Beast, something for all the family. Except that I need help explaining trojans to Mlle Inkspot.

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast...i used to wear a sweater like that years ago...and i was fucking cool too...and yes with the straight pants as well...

and I bet you looked HOT :-)

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
Great post, Beast, something for all the family. Except that I need help explaining trojans to Mlle Inkspot.
You can explain them away as they protect ones fingers while washing up :-)

Daisy said...

beast i don't know if i looked hot but the damn sweater was so warm i couldn't wear it often and it ended up in the dog bed...

Nuvalostlamb said...

Where are the pink items BEAST??

Gorilla Bananas said...

On New Years eve ,I was accosted by a lesbian dressed in a nuns habit with big strap on comedy breasts... do you think it was a come on Mr B

I think she wanted to test out those breasts on your face.

CyberPete said...

Happy New Year!

I was actually looking into one of those things Frobi had in his manbag.

Can you please find and test the Colt shower attachment and tell me if it's worth spending money on.

You are our personal shopper right?

inkspot said...

Thanks Beast, that's more convincing than anything she learns in sex ed. at school.

eroswings said...

Ah, living with lesbians. Guess that means you don't have worry about things breaking down. The lesbians will fix it! Bonus: They'll probably lend you the stylish pants and sweaters.

Hardhouse said...

On New Years eve ,I was accosted by a lesbian dressed in a nuns habit with big strap on comedy breasts... do you think it was a come on Mr B

Are you sure that wasn't MJ?

Happy New Year BEAST

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast i don't know if i looked hot but the damn sweater was so warm i couldn't wear it often and it ended up in the dog bed...
A fitting end to a majestic piece of knitwear Miss Daisy

BEAST said...

Nuvalostlamb said...
Where are the pink items BEAST??
PINK IS FOR GIRLS !
Harumph

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
On New Years eve ,I was accosted by a lesbian dressed in a nuns habit with big strap on comedy breasts... do you think it was a come on Mr B

I think she wanted to test out those breasts on your face.
Its all too much for an innocent young man like myself Mr B , Maybe I need a bodyguard !

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
Happy New Year!

I was actually looking into one of those things Frobi had in his manbag.

Can you please find and test the Colt shower attachment and tell me if it's worth spending money on.

You are our personal shopper right?
A personal shopper is one thing Mr CP . however I will need danger money to go groping around in Mr Frobishers Poof pouch

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
Thanks Beast, that's more convincing than anything she learns in sex ed. at school.
Oh I remember sex ed , its a wonder any of can work out what to do after that Inky

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Ah, living with lesbians. Guess that means you don't have worry about things breaking down. The lesbians will fix it! Bonus: They'll probably lend you the stylish pants and sweaters.
who needs the lesbians clothes when Beastbites personal shopper has the Power Of Slacks , Miss MJ swears by the elastic waisted ployester trousers we selected for her....tres Chic

BEAST said...

Hardhouse said...
On New Years eve ,I was accosted by a lesbian dressed in a nuns habit with big strap on comedy breasts... do you think it was a come on Mr B

Are you sure that wasn't MJ?

Happy New Year BEAST
Happy New Year Mr HH , it could not have been MJ , she would have been carried on a litter by half nekkid houseboys

mutleythedog said...

I hagve bought one of everything Mr.B!! Thats all the birthdays for everyone this year. Are you considering doing exciting gifts for pets?

MJ said...

What on EARTH is going on in here?!!!

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
I hagve bought one of everything Mr.B!! Thats all the birthdays for everyone this year. Are you considering doing exciting gifts for pets?

Beastbites Personal Shopper will investigate any suggestions by our clients (Unless it involves Hot Dwarf Sex ) Mr Mutley

BEAST said...

MJ said...
What on EARTH is going on in here?!!!

Beastbites is a service industry Miss MJ , giving the punters what they want , when they want it

Mrs Pouncer said...

Loving Slack Power, Beasto. Sort of thing Dr Maroon would be interested in.

BEAST said...

I wonder if they are 'comfort' fit with elasticated waists Mrs P , I am always strangley drawn to such things.

The Old Tarf said...

Well Beast, another year off to a great start. Liked the Revolver ad, what a way to start things with a bang.

BEAST said...

Happy New Year Tarf :-) That revolver ad is a bit scary

mutleythedog said...

Do you know where to buy 'twin head' condoms at all?

CyberPete said...

Right, you might lose a finger in there

Or worse..

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Do you know where to buy 'twin head' condoms at all?

Use Cling Film Mr Mutley :-)

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
Right, you might lose a finger in there

Or worse..

I hope we are still talking about Mr Frobishers ManBag

CyberPete said...

I'm sorry, what are YOU implying?

If you were to stick your finger in there, don't sniff it afterwards.

BEAST said...

I am implying nothing , The Beast is an innocent. Pure as driven snow . Unlike you Danes and your decadent continental habits
***wanders off to read an improveing tract***

Ms Smack said...

These are great finds on the net! hahah hilarious.

Happy New Year mate
x

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