Tuesday, 23 November 2010


On saturday we were all going on a day trip to Jersey   one of the chanel islands that is unfortunatley close to France.  As we all gathered at Cafe C, Frobisher was locked in lavatory refusing to come as he felt a bit rough.
We left , his  wailings and gnashings echoeing around an empty Cafe.
Where upon we Rushed to Weymouth and boarded the luxury fast catamaran to all points west

The captain and horny handed sailor types , cast off  , pointed the sharp end at France and powered up the engines ,  as we set about a hearty breakfast in the restaurant.
As we speeded away from the motherland ,  Dolphins and errr cows frollicked in the wake
Actually I made up the cows , but there were dolphins  , which was so exciting.
As the captain chirpily promised , the  3 hour crossing was a little choppy and we all felt a little queasy , but everyone heroically managed to keep the breakfast down.

We arrived in Jersey and sallied forth to the nearest Cafe  ,where we  had a spirited arguement about what to do with our 4 hours ashore

Sista C won with his suggestion of going to the zoo.
Altho there was initial dissent  it was magically unanimously supported once he threatened to report all of us for attempting to smuggle drugs on the return journey . There is much to be said for the power of prayer.

The Zoo was rather cool.
My particular favourites were

1.The Infomaniac sponsored fruit bat pavilion . The bats were like little insectile dogs ,they came creeping accross there rope bridges to have a good look at us when we came to the viewing window I like to think I am regarded as a god by this particular species as it was obviously me they wanted to see.

2.The Gorilla enclosure . This was very cool indeed , you got so close to them and got a real sense of their power and strange human similarities I could have stayed there all day.

Unfortunatley , there were no dugongs

Eventaully we raced back to the port and boarded the catamaran for the return journey to Weymouth . Once again the captain chirpilly informed us it was going to be a 'lively' crossing , but as I had been necking seasick pills I downed a hearty dinner, chain smoked duty free fags and quaffed a foaming mug of cuppacino in the howling gale on the aft deck for most of the voyage.
Some of our party did not fare so well ,  Janes digestive tract rebelled  about an hour into the crossing as we bounced and rolled past Guernsey

There is an old saying
'Worse things happen at sea'
I am afraid poor Jane proved this to be the case :-(

Monday, 15 November 2010


In these cash straightened times , the Beast is doing his bit and publishing the dishevelled state of his underwear as a potent symbol of the austerity measures that are expected to be adopted by us all.There will be no frivolous expenditure at the Beast Lair or Cafe C until strong green shoots of recovery are clearly visible or the elastic finally gives out !

Even the Beast has had to take additional employment delivering publicity flyers for the fame hungry Mavis Boyle.
I am relaxing on Miss MJ's favourite fireside rug basking in the glow of a blazing pile of them as we speak.
Mavis may not have reached out and touched the lives of the thousands she had hoped , but has kept an old Beast cozy on a freezing night.
And that gentle reader should be enough for anyone !
Sleep well my lovelies

Tuesday, 2 November 2010


The Beast has eyes and ears everywhere and is aware of the unholy alliances being formed to attempt to waylay the Freaking Green Elf Shorts from reaching their rightful master.
 Miss Scarlet , a blogeress from darkest Devon appears to be at the centre of the axis of evil.
I submit the following surviellance photos into eveidence
1. Miss Scarlet conspires with notorius international agitator and Madonna fan ,Petra of Denmark

Notice Miss Scarlet sending secret messages to her watching minions by flashing semaphore with her tartan knickers

2. Miss Scarlet takes a secret meeting with Canadian Floozie and fellow FGES covetor Miss MJ
Notice the symbol for super secret crime organisation Spinchter on the wall behind Miss Scarlet.
Miss MJ (Code Name Infomaniac) is rumoured to be the insane mastermind behind this cartel of criminality and smutt . Its tendrils are believed to penetrate the very fabric of modern society from Aviation
(Infomaniac Air) , the arts (The Infomaniac Dancers) and liesure (The Infomanic House of Beauty) etc etc.
Only a  finely honed Beast  stands alone against this gathering storm

Pick your side and your reason dear reader and hang the consequences

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Doing Other Stuff for a while.Mail /MSN messenger on beastch@hotmail.co.uk...COME AND SAY HELLO GO ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO