What is it about me that people feel the need to share their intimate moments ......
Now all of you that are compelled to cuddle up to the Beast and confide your libidinous adventures in full glorious technicolour, listen up.
There are two groups of people in this life.
Those that you/ I would like to have sex with....... however sex is between you and whoever your doing it to.
So if your not doing it with me
I don't want to hear about it
Its like someone describing a great meal that you didn't get to eat , as you were not invited.
Secondly are those you/I really don't want to have sex with......
You don't even want to think about them having sex(Think Sir Elt and partner)
You will never be able to look them in the eye , shake their hand , or eat something fishy , slimy or vaguely phallic in their presence ever again
In fact depending on the person you may not feel like eating for a week.
(NB. This group often bizarrely take the view point that they are the only people in the universe currently having sex , and frankly I think half the time they are making it up....please note most people have a sex life but don't feel the need to share it in polite conversation , is it low self esteem do you reckon??!)
So in future if you fit into group one I will politely inform you that since I wasn't present I am not particularly interested (well you don't want to upset a potential shag) ,
If you are in group two , you may find me vomiting copiously in mid sentence(see artists impression above)
If members of both groups persist I will probably punch you , or tell everyone you have genital warts/crabs/exotic STD , or both.
I am back, fully rested , and slightly insane from nicotine deprivation.
Its been interesting , I will say that.
Altho I am still off the fags . I can sympathise with those that dont make it (and lets face it , I could be puffing away again like a good un at any moment) as its a bizarre experience, in that there does not seem to be that many benefits personally to giving up. You feel like crap , there is this little nagging bit of your brain , constantly bickering away at you (singing Fags Fags , give me fags*) , your digestion stops working properly , you don't sleep well and everything you used to enjoy in life seems totally flat....... Ok its a lot cheaper and you MIGHT not die of cancer. Still onwards and upwards :-)
Its been at least two months so its obviously time for MR C to get another car. So Tuesday night it was driving Mr C to purchase his latest(have you seen Driving Miss Daisy???). A horrible two hour drive in thick fog , I managed to get about 20 words out of Mr C for the whole journey , and thats fairly good going. 6 of those words were giving me incorrect directions and the other 14 were Mr C ranting about the fact I went the wrong way (the instruction as given was' take the left hand slip road'....the instruction as written down was 'go on to the roundabout take the 2nd exit then take the left hand slip road').......... so we almost ended up in the middle of London. Still we got there in the end , Mr C now has ANOTHER car and I got a free cup of coffee.
* for our american readership in this context fags = cigarettes. ** in the second part of the post fags = Mr C and his cigarrettes ....lol