Saturday, 24 February 2007

OH NO ITS THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS


What is it about me that people feel the need to share their intimate moments ......
Now all of you that are compelled to cuddle up to the Beast and confide your libidinous adventures in full glorious technicolour, listen up.
There are two groups of people in this life.
Those that you/ I would like to have sex with....... however sex is between you and whoever your doing it to.
So if your not doing it with me
I don't want to hear about it
Its like someone describing a great meal that you didn't get to eat , as you were not invited.
Secondly are those you/I really don't want to have sex with......
You don't even want to think about them having sex(Think Sir Elt and partner)
You will never be able to look them in the eye , shake their hand , or eat something fishy , slimy or vaguely phallic in their presence ever again
In fact depending on the person you may not feel like eating for a week.
(NB. This group often bizarrely take the view point that they are the only people in the universe currently having sex , and frankly I think half the time they are making it up....please note most people have a sex life but don't feel the need to share it in polite conversation , is it low self esteem do you reckon??!)
So in future if you fit into group one I will politely inform you that since I wasn't present I am not particularly interested (well you don't want to upset a potential shag) ,
If you are in group two , you may find me vomiting copiously in mid sentence(see artists impression above)
If members of both groups persist I will probably punch you , or tell everyone you have genital warts/crabs/exotic STD , or both.

11 comments:

First Nations said...

well, FINE~!
*runs off crying*

BEAST said...

See and thats another thing.....girls running off and crying when I speak to them

Newforestandy said...

Sex. whats that? Isnt it a number between five and seven?

Mu Tai Dong said...

我从未知道您是那么浅I never knew you are the that shallow wild animal! ! Honestly! Has many compares the noodles to the life!野兽!! 诚实地! 有更多对生活比面条!

Ms Smack said...

I cant beat that last comment.

BEAST said...

If it is Andy, my maths teacher got it all badly wrong.

Mu Tai....read the profile.Shallow is my middle name

Welcome Ms Smack....I am afraid Mu Tai has said it all....I think

Paulo Sempre said...

Hello. Nice blog. Thanks
Paulo

PORTUGAL

Da Nator said...

I used to have a co-worker who has a boyfriend who was fat, ugly, had a skin condition and VD. She would come in and tell me about their sex marathons, and how it would hurt because he was so heavy 9not to mention shedding skin and diseases). She'd come up and whisper while I was trying to work "I'm sooooo sore!"

That was HOTT.

BEAST said...

Lol Da Nator.....its sick making isn't it....I have aa really ugly girl I work with , who keeps telling me how her husband loves to watch her in fishnet stockings and suspenders etc etc.
Its an image I dont want in my head , I bet it looks like hairy jelly in a seive......yuk

Lippy said...

No one tells me anything!?!

Maybe I look dissaproving or easily shockable or something.

mutleythedog said...

I have been neutered - so obviously this leaves me baffled.

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