Sunday, 29 July 2007


Luckily for me Slinmming world have their own very acceptable version that you can eat in any amount you want.

I have had a boring weekend , So tonight its chip bonanza night, you cut them up, boil the buggers , spray them with light oil and bung them in the oven.

Talk amongst yourselfs as I will be laying on the chaise longue being fed chips by my scantilly clad , nubile hand maidens (Jungle Jane and Mutley) and get this LOOSING WEIGHT WHILE I DO IT.

What are you favourite foods and in what surroundings would you like to eat them ???

*These are propper English chips, not american fries or what you guys call chips , which are crisps - you' all are just confused

Wednesday, 25 July 2007


Thanks to First Nations and her recent post for causing this psycological trauma from my formative years to rear its ugly head.

When I was about 6 all I wanted was a proper bike , like the flash shiny one my granparents bought my eldest brother. Xmas came and this horror was waiting for me under the tree.

The Wikpedia entry for Moulton bikes reads thus :-

Moulton is an English bicycle manufacturer starting production in the 1960s. The company was founded in 1962 by Dr Alex Moulton who designed the suspension system for the famous Mini motorcar.
Moulton bicycle's are noted for their unconventional frame design, small wheels, and front and rear suspension.

What they failed to mention , is that it weighed a ton , the suspension creaked and groaned alarmingly and it had stoopid little wheels. In short it was social death( on wheels) for any hapless schoolchild who happened to own one.

It was my first taste of the compromises and cruel disappointments one has to endure as an adult. My parents did not have much money , with three kids of their own and a variety of weekend foster children , they were so chuffed that they had managed to get me a second hand bike , and I had to pretend I loved it. I have felt guilty all these years that I hated the damn thing , and still feel the acute embarrassment of having to ride the buggering clown bike to school everyday.

Ma and Pa Beasty


but on the other hand Thanks for buying your little Beasty a bike :-)

Sunday, 22 July 2007


I have had a nice weekend of simple pleasures.
Pleasure number 1.
I bumped into my arch Karate enemy ..... Greg.
I Dont like Greg .He is obnoxious , constantly puffed up with outragiously missplaced arrogance , fantasist and arse licker supreme. I was enormously pleased to see he has got horribly fat - it made my day in fact :-) .

Pleasure number 2.
I went to the local dump with Mr C . There was a shocking transvestite , in all her glorious finery , cruising about , flirting outrageously with the bin men . I dont know why but it made me smile .
Good on ya Girl/Boy !

Pleasure Number 3 .
Dossing about , charity shopping/supermarket shoplifting and stuff with Mr C( Once you get used to the scathing sarcasm and withering put downs). We had a chilled time doing nothing much . I managed to get hoodwinked by the little Beast Lloyd AGAIN.
Lloyd feels the cold , so he likes nothing better than snuggling up on the warm spot on a recently vacated chair.I was dossing about drinking coffee and watching the telly , Up pops Lloyd by the door , doing his cross legged hurry up I want to go pee in the garden dance , as soon as I got to the door to let him out , he skeddadled onto my vacated chair , snuggled down giving me that 'SUCKER' look and piontedly went straight to sleep - bastard

I am now fully recharged and ready for a week ahead.

Oh and Jenny! , I shampooed all my carpets.wearing nothing but my gym shorts and pair of rubber gloves............. who needs sausages now, eh ? :-)

Friday, 20 July 2007


The lovely Clare Forced me to attend a slimming world class in Burton village hall , on the premise that hubby Rich wouldnt go into an all female domain on his own(and then he didnt go) - not you understand because I need to go...oh body is a temple , etc etc. (Beast whinges on for hours fooling nobody).
Anyhooo I am glad I did , it was unintentionaly very funny .

They were a desultary lot , one sour old crab who sat near the class leader , looking like someone had farted.A goodly bunch of housewifes of a certain age who from their total lack of enthusiasm had turned up for a cup of tea and a chat.One woman who was so confused I think she had stumbled into the wrong room.And sat at the back with her two skinheaded children was a marvellous peice of white trash , Morbidly obese, fantastically fake tanned , with a tight t shirt with rhinestone sized glitter spread all over a mamouth pair of hooters( a diversionary tactic one assumes -overweight.... LOOK ENORMOUS GLITTERY TITS) , who was prompted to evangelise by the class leader re her casting out her twice a day evil Mc D's habit (No one seemed to notice it obviously had'nt worked - see enormous glittery tits above).
Alleyluyah and amen.
The best bit was when the group leader jumped up brandishing a bunch of bananas in an alarmingly enthusiastic manner , shouting 'BANANAS' ....'ANYONE KNOW SOME INTERESTING THINGS TO DO WITH THESE'

Had Jungle Jane been hiding incognito at the class...the woman would certainly never ask that question twice :-).
However after an embarrasing silence , which just shouted the response 'EAT IT YOU STUPID BITCH' she lamely offered 'put it on a stick'......another deathly silence......'and then stick it in the freezer'.....tumbleweed rolls past.......'its like an ice cream' rolling of eyes
**** much suppressed mirth from Clare and Beast****

I garnered some other top tips , such as if you put your low fat yoghurt in the freezer for a very long time , it goes so rock hard it takes all evening and massive calorie usage to eat it......

Banana and melon 'Suprise'.........

I am def going again , as I must have lost pounds suppressing fits of the giggles.Next weeks talk , MEAT , YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT !

I cant wait .
So dear bloggers what would you do with a banana ????

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

bored , bored, BORED

The Beast is about to expire from boredom . Life is currently the whole nine yards of wage slave, billpaying , drudgery.
No money to do anything , and no bugger to do anything with.
So I will have to make my own entertainment , and that usually ends in tears.
The inner Beast is a' stirring so nobody can say they havn't been warned.
*** departs stage left cackling evilly***

Monday, 9 July 2007


Poor Frobisher , press ganged into helping Mr C demolish a shed and do some gardening.

I helped Mr C do his garden........once

I thought ok its Mr C's garden , he is very particular (some would say anally retentive) , so I will for once play second fiddle and just do as I am told.

Oh My God , Sadam Hussien with burning piles or what..... barked orders , humiliation , withering sarcasm , vile insults and thats before we got started .It was like working on a chain gang.I staggered off at sundown , dragging my broken body towards my car ,starved , dehydrated , a final dreadful appraisal of my shortcomings ringing in my ears and the seat torn out of my trousers.

Poor Frobisher is probably sobbing and twitching in a corner somewhere, as we speak...........

and the silver lining I hear you cry ?????



Wednesday, 4 July 2007


After a good few drinks the lovely Nicola posed the following question
If you have a gay couple and one of them has a sex change , have they both technically gone straight????.......
Answers on postcard please as the Lovely N is dying to know

But the best news of the Year so far is Bruce is back !!!! Die Hard 4.0 opens today yippee
I have me grubby vest ready and I am ready to get them thar terrorists.
Bruce may be older and balder (well arn't we all) but he is still a god
He is possibly the only actor where the state of his vest denotes the emotional developement of his character.

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Doing Other Stuff for a while.Mail /MSN messenger on AND SAY HELLO GO ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO