Friday, 20 July 2007

MAMOUTH HOOTERS AT THE BURTON VILLAGE HALL


The lovely Clare Forced me to attend a slimming world class in Burton village hall , on the premise that hubby Rich wouldnt go into an all female domain on his own(and then he didnt go) - not you understand because I need to go...oh no...my body is a temple , etc etc. (Beast whinges on for hours fooling nobody).
Anyhooo I am glad I did , it was unintentionaly very funny .

They were a desultary lot , one sour old crab who sat near the class leader , looking like someone had farted.A goodly bunch of housewifes of a certain age who from their total lack of enthusiasm had turned up for a cup of tea and a chat.One woman who was so confused I think she had stumbled into the wrong room.And sat at the back with her two skinheaded children was a marvellous peice of white trash , Morbidly obese, fantastically fake tanned , with a tight t shirt with rhinestone sized glitter spread all over a mamouth pair of hooters( a diversionary tactic one assumes -overweight.... LOOK ENORMOUS GLITTERY TITS) , who was prompted to evangelise by the class leader re her casting out her twice a day evil Mc D's habit (No one seemed to notice it obviously had'nt worked - see enormous glittery tits above).
Alleyluyah and amen.
The best bit was when the group leader jumped up brandishing a bunch of bananas in an alarmingly enthusiastic manner , shouting 'BANANAS' ....'ANYONE KNOW SOME INTERESTING THINGS TO DO WITH THESE'

Had Jungle Jane been hiding incognito at the class...the woman would certainly never ask that question twice :-).
However after an embarrasing silence , which just shouted the response 'EAT IT YOU STUPID BITCH' she lamely offered 'put it on a stick'......another deathly silence......'and then stick it in the freezer'.....tumbleweed rolls past.......'its like an ice cream'......group rolling of eyes
**** much suppressed mirth from Clare and Beast****

I garnered some other top tips , such as if you put your low fat yoghurt in the freezer for a very long time , it goes so rock hard it takes all evening and massive calorie usage to eat it......
HA HA HA



Banana and melon 'Suprise'.........






I am def going again , as I must have lost pounds suppressing fits of the giggles.Next weeks talk , MEAT , YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT !

I cant wait .
So dear bloggers what would you do with a banana ????

22 comments:

Jenny! said...

Fuck the banana...I want meat!

jungle jane said...

A whole BUNCH of bananas?

WOOOOOOOHOOOOO! Gang bang!!

Anonymous said...

SHOVE THEM ALL UP YOUR CONFUSSED ASS..... YOU FAT CUNT

BEAST said...

Jenny! said...
Fuck the banana...I want meat!
Well next weeks talk is the one for you sweet Jenny !

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
A whole BUNCH of bananas?

WOOOOOOOHOOOOO! Gang bang!!


JJ the woman obviously needed you sage advice , just think of the calories one would burn giving that whole bunch a good seeing to

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
SHOVE THEM ALL UP YOUR CONFUSSED ASS..... YOU FAT CUNT

I think I now regret ticking the slimming world 'motivation online' box sounds like ma beasty has a new job

Frobisher said...

actually I suppose sticking them up your ass is a low calorie way of consuming bananas plus a fun way of getting your five-a-day.

How many before your feel full?

First Nations said...

set it on fire out on the driveway, personally. i hate bananas.
*supressing giggles*

Jenny! said...

Mmmmmmm, yes!

jungle jane said...

Fuck. Having a gang bang with bananas is not as easy as it looks. Every time i sit down i slip off my chair...

First Nations said...

come on, jj, it's a COMEDIC gangbang. think' benny hill'. fast motion nekkid antics and a little bald headed guy to whap!

Newforestandy said...

On a culinary note I enjoy my banana sliced up with my Special K, its something to look forward to after working all night.

Being a pure sweet innocent Forrester all the rude remarks will have to be explaine to me, do you give personal tuition, Sir Beast?

Hammer said...

All of the sudden I'm not so hungry anymore...

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
actually I suppose sticking them up your ass is a low calorie way of consuming bananas plus a fun way of getting your five-a-day.

How many before your feel full?


once false move and you will have a dreadfull smoothie in your pants

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
set it on fire out on the driveway, personally. i hate bananas.
*supressing giggles*

FNi have tried without success to set the banana on fire , so I have handed it over for Frobishers bed time enema , that will teach it

BEAST said...

Jenny! said...
Mmmmmmm, yes!


Jenny is obviously enjoying a banana !

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
Fuck. Having a gang bang with bananas is not as easy as it looks. Every time i sit down i slip off my chair...

are we referring to the fruit here , or Mr Bananas our blogging gorrilla ???

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
come on, jj, it's a COMEDIC gangbang. think' benny hill'. fast motion nekkid antics and a little bald headed guy to whap!

If you have bananas you gotta have custard.....so if its comedy you want, its clowns , buckets of custard down the trousers , big shoes , watersquirty flowers and Hot Clown Sex......

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
On a culinary note I enjoy my banana sliced up with my Special K, its something to look forward to after working all night.

Being a pure sweet innocent Forrester all the rude remarks will have to be explaine to me, do you give personal tuition, Sir Beast?


Mr NFA I am sending Jungle Jane round with a big bunch of bananas , to start your education :-)

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
All of the sudden I'm not so hungry anymore...

You obviously have a delicate constitution Mr Hammer , you may never be able to face a banana again !

Jenny! said...

It was actually a sausage, not a banana!

BEAST said...

Jenny! said...
It was actually a sausage, not a banana!

Be caefulwith those sausages Jenny! you never know whats in them

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