Thursday, 29 May 2008


The Beast will be 'missing in action ' for a few days.
CAFE C has crept up on us , and its all hands to the pumps . Move Mr C , the dogs and his chattels.Then get everything shipshape and bristol fashion for the Cafe opening.
Be Back soon with many a scandalous tale , I will be bound.

Monday, 26 May 2008


Beast's Book Club has a lot to answer for.
I suggested this book as a little light bedtime reading for the Beastliness regulars.Sadly the boys seem to have taken it to their hearts and have been bombarding the Beast with pictures of them getting in touch with their femenine sides.
The Beast is hoping to restore order with next months offering of Conan the Barbarian , till then I will be locking my doors and windows ,and only going out to well lit places.

Now here are the 'Girls'

Frobisher , Mutley and Inner Voices enjoy an afternoon of shopping.
A bit overdressed for Aldi in my view , but girls just want to have fun.

Freakishly tall IVD , snapped 'trawling' Norwich Docks.
Hoping to catch something more than crabs in those fish nets
Hello Sailor !

Flame Haired Yorkshire Pudding 'Miss Piggy' is gagging for a good portion of meat and two veg ( Tazzy) . The Beast's sunday roast was never like this!

Just in case your confused , this is what a real woman looks like . Miss MJ casually dressed for a quiet night in
it might be Old Knudsen ready for a night of bingo.(I got some of the pictures mixed up).........
well have you ever seen both of them in the same room ???

Thursday, 22 May 2008


I am not one to complain.......much...... but W T F did I get for my birthday A frigging great dose of MANFLU.
Gee Thanks , two days of honking me guts up , the sore throat from hell and a splitting headache.
Welcome to your 48th year Beastie

Then just to put the icing on the fecking birthday cake , I dragged meself from me sick bed and signed into messenger to be greeted by a big old howling tantrum from Mr C .
What heinous crime did the Beast commit you may ask , did I flash me knob at Mr C's maiden aunt ???? took a dump in his shoe ????
wiped my arse on his curtains ????
No I signed a form wrong..... Harumph

Tuesday, 20 May 2008


The Beast has risen for the commencement of his 48th year on this planet and is looking as young and luscious as ever.
Thank you all for your birthday wishes , I will be having a relaxing day , avoiding doing any work and no doubt eating cake.

Sunday, 18 May 2008


Thats Beasties Birthday Bonanza Weekend with the Beast clan over for another year.
I am knackered , sadly not by excessive partying. I had a three hour drive on Saturday morning to meet Ma and Pa Beastie at The Shopping heaven outlet village , to shop till we dropped and a little light lunch.
Then another hours drive to the Beasts Familly home to meet up with Beast Minor and familly and run about , more eating then out for dinner and a few drinks.
Sunday up early and drive with Ma and Pa Beasty for four hours to older brother Beast Major and familly. Ma Beasty talked solidly for the four hour journey .
If I didnt know about Mrs Jacobs at number 26 , and her troublesome lady parts and all its messy complications before we started I SURE DO NOW.
When we got to the bit where her vulva prolapse I nearly sideswiped a lorry (throws salt beef sandwich out of window)
I also know all about the mystery of the pink curtains at no 14.
Who did what to whom in Coxes lane
Exactly what Ma Beasty thinks about conifers
The trouble with the French
and a recipe for Gnochi a la Romaine
There was plenty more besides but I am afraid my brain had shut down due to auditory overload and some frankly shocking and revolting details
Anyways , we went for a very nice lunch , dossed about in the garden playing boules and gassing all afternoon, and then I had to drive for 2 hours back home .
So thats it , I am off to twitch , mutter and scratch under my duvet

Thursday, 15 May 2008


Here we go the tour of the Beasts living room as promised to Miss FN
Note wood burning stove , 'wipe clean' leather sofa's (Theres another one to the left you cant see) and Miss MJ's favourite rug

Now standing on MJ's rug and facing the back of the house
we have the kitchen diner

Sneaking past the wide screen and into the dining bit

The finally swinging round we have the the kitchen bit.

Now I love this big extended room .It holds some silly happy memories , big family get together's , friends round for dinner and pancake parties .
Mr C and Frobisher made my birthday cake in this very kitchen, ate it all , and went out before I got home , leaving me with the washing up...... ON MY FECKING BIRTHDAY.
Alfie doing a huge squishy turd right next to the bin(bottom right) and somehow managed to knock my mobile phone off the worktop at the same time so that it stuck in the turd like a 99 flake in an ice cream.
Mr C and Frobisher , giggling on the sofa , as Mr C worked Lloyd's mouth like a ventriloquist dummy and told terrible jokes.
Myself and the lovely Jackie giggling in the kitchen, after I got a huge telling off for waking Mr C up by counting spoons in the cutlery drawer and slamming cupboard doors (I wasn't doing either of those things and it was 3 pm in the afternoon !!!!).
Ma Beasties exploding marmalade(we had to scrape it off the ceiling)
Mr C's Jackson Pollock cooking (you had to scrape it off everything).
I shall just sit here , remembering stuff and snickering to myself :-)

Sunday, 11 May 2008


If I had a pound for every time a socially inadequate person has asked me....
'Beast' they beg ,
'As a gourmand , sex symbol and all round arbiter of good taste , where on earth did spam come from , and what can I do with it???'.
Fear not 'Desperate of Boscombe*' . The Beast is here to help .
Originally called Hormel's Spiced Ham (doesn't that just trip off the tongue) and is made from pork shoulder , ham , salt , water and sugar plus sodium nitrate (to keep the colour). When its market share began to fail in the 1930's , a naming competition was held to re market the culinary wonder and the legend of Spam was born.
The Beast fondly remembers crusty rolls with butter and spam , that Ma Beasty always used to pack for the overnight car ride that started the Beastly family annual holiday.
Lest you think spam is solely a foodstuff of the great unwashed let me show a tantalising glimpse of its sophisticated foodiness
Ladies and gentlemen I have great pleasure in presenting a cocktail that your friends may never forgive you for.
Spam Shake.
1 can of Spam
1 tin anchovies
2 12 oz cans of beer
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 cup chopped parsley
1/4 cup chopped scallions
dash Tabasco
pepper to taste
Put in blender
Serve chilled with celery stick and cocktail umbrella **
PS . This is a genuine beverage and strangely delicious , pinched from John Strong's Shrine to Spam :-)
* Frobisher
** probably best tried with a lavatory close by for those of a delicate constitution

Wednesday, 7 May 2008


Beast will be a little distracted for the next day or so as I am dog sitting.
Its busy , busy , busy . I now know what a single working mother has to put up with.
Its one long round of working ,shopping , opening tins of food , walkies , brushing and getting up in the night for little bursting bladders.
The Hounds of Hell are being very well behaved , and as you will notice Miss MJ , Little Lloyd is just entranced by my beautiful and stylish rug or he is considering where the most inconvenient place would be to throw up

Tuesday, 6 May 2008


Sadly , my last post got spectacularly spammed, so I have deleted the post and had to change my settings to not allow anonymous commenters .

Sorry for any inconvenience caused , but all part of the rich tapestry of blogging :-(

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Doing Other Stuff for a while.Mail /MSN messenger on AND SAY HELLO GO ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO