Sunday, 11 May 2008

SPAMTASTIC 2


If I had a pound for every time a socially inadequate person has asked me....
'Beast' they beg ,
'As a gourmand , sex symbol and all round arbiter of good taste , where on earth did spam come from , and what can I do with it???'.
Fear not 'Desperate of Boscombe*' . The Beast is here to help .
Originally called Hormel's Spiced Ham (doesn't that just trip off the tongue) and is made from pork shoulder , ham , salt , water and sugar plus sodium nitrate (to keep the colour). When its market share began to fail in the 1930's , a naming competition was held to re market the culinary wonder and the legend of Spam was born.
The Beast fondly remembers crusty rolls with butter and spam , that Ma Beasty always used to pack for the overnight car ride that started the Beastly family annual holiday.
Lest you think spam is solely a foodstuff of the great unwashed let me show a tantalising glimpse of its sophisticated foodiness
Ladies and gentlemen I have great pleasure in presenting a cocktail that your friends may never forgive you for.
Spam Shake.
1 can of Spam
1 tin anchovies
2 12 oz cans of beer
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 cup chopped parsley
1/4 cup chopped scallions
dash Tabasco
pepper to taste
Put in blender
Serve chilled with celery stick and cocktail umbrella **
PS . This is a genuine beverage and strangely delicious , pinched from John Strong's Shrine to Spam :-)
* Frobisher
** probably best tried with a lavatory close by for those of a delicate constitution

31 comments:

MJ said...

Even if you spread this on your butt cheeks and served it buffet style with candlelight and a little mood music, I still wouldn't try it.

Leah said...

I too have mixed feelings...especially because a recent experiment with Marmite ended in heartache...

But then again, maybe it's like chocolate covered ants--you need to serve it with wordless confidence, leaving out the exegesis on its componenents.

Anonymous said...

OH DEAR BACK TO WONDERLAND POSTING

UBERMOUTH said...

This is why I am an abstainer.

UBERMOUTH said...

Congrats! You have a troll.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Even if you spread this on your butt cheeks and served it buffet style with candlelight and a little mood music, I still wouldn't try it.
I hadyou down as the adventurous type Miss MJ

BEAST said...

Leah said...
I too have mixed feelings...especially because a recent experiment with Marmite ended in heartache...

But then again, maybe it's like chocolate covered ants--you need to serve it with wordless confidence, leaving out the exegesis on its componenents.

This is more likely to end in heartburn Miss Leah but muchos browny pionts for including the word exegesis in your reply :-)

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
OH DEAR BACK TO WONDERLAND POSTING
You being no stranger to pink meat Mr C , I thought you would enjoy this

BEAST said...

UBERMOUTH said...
This is why I am an abstainer.

UBERMOUTH said...
Congrats! You have a troll.


A nice bit of spam never did anyone any harm Miss Uber.Thats no troll , thats the Beasts Nemesis Mr C

Gorilla Bananas said...

The Beast fondly remembers crusty rolls with butter and spam , that Ma Beasty always used to pack for the overnight car ride that started the Beastly family annual holiday.

You are living proof that a child can recover from child abuse...to some extent.

BEAST said...

Mr Bananas , you cant beat a crusty spam roll with propper butter (The Beast has no time for margerine of any stripe) . In fact I may be forced to have spam rolls for my evening repast as I now have a yearning for it

Anonymous said...

No you dont eat margerine, well i never... lard on toast lol

BEAST said...

Any old animal fat will do Mr C , but coming from the man that fries everything in 6 inches of oil.....

INNER VOICES said...

spam smoothies?!? ugh thats wicked!

Donn said...

As IF!

Liz said...

I've found that adding a few baked beans AFTER blending - you want them to retain their shape and colour - makes this an even more delightful drink. In a post-modern ironic way.

BEAST said...

Voices , its all good .Spam .yum , beer. yum.

Donn . You know it makes sense.

Liz . You are a culinary visionary , the noble baked bean could be the defining finishing touch.

Lost said...

A friend of mine found this "wonderful" recipe for spiced ham that she tried out one Easter dinner - imagine her surprise when she basically got a great big spam for dinner (of course it wasn't rectangular lol)

BEAST said...

Lost . There are some of us that relish the prospect of a 'Big Spam Dinner'
Miss MJ can't get enough of it apparently

mutleythedog said...

Have you tried Spam Fritters at all? They are in the cooler section of posher supermarkets like Tesco. Really.They are.
I have a can in my cupboard in case of emergencies...

BEAST said...

Hello Mr M , I havn't had a spam fritter for many years , but may be forced to have some soon , now that you have mentioned them.
As you well know I am banned from Tesco so I will have to make my own spam fritters , I found a tin of sterilised cream at the back of my cupboard the other day , do you think that will go nicely with a chocolate swiss roll ???

Daisy said...

beast my aunt used to sing this little ditty when cooking spam...spam is ham, chicken and lamb, hog, dog and frog...

my son and husband love spam sliced medium to thin and then fried in butter...it actually smells really good when cooking but i can't stomach the taste...and yes then they put it on a roll usually with miracle whip...

BEAST said...

Daisy ,There is nothing quiet like the smell of frying butter :-). We used to buy spam from the deli thinly sliced from a big fat roll of it . I think a spam roll may well make it onto my condemned mans last meal list

BEAST said...

Oh dear my comments have died :-(

Frobisher said...

Scallions? SCALLIONS?

They are spring onions, always have been always will be.

MJ said...

Post a pic of you cooking in the kitchen in your frilly pinny.

BEAST said...

Frobisher , I was kowtowing to my international readership.

MJ , I dont possess a pinny , as I dont tend to splatter , I do however tie a teatowel thru one belt loop , so it is easily accesible for grubby hands :-)

MJ said...

I bet you have a tea towel attached to you bedpost as well to wipe your filthy knob on.

BEAST said...

Have you ever heard of 'wet wipes' miss MJ. Failing those being available , there is always the curtains :-)

Donn said...

spam
spam
spam
spam
spam
spam
spam

STOP THAT!

FirstNations said...

who...
WHO
HAD THIS KIND OF FREE TIME..
so much free time that their brain cells randomly formed the thought:

gosh...i wonder what kind of a beverage you could make out of spam?

AND THEN DID IT?
WHAT KIND OF SICKNESS IS TAKING OVER HERE, PEOPLE? THERE IS MEDICATION AVAILABLE TO COUNTERACT THIS KIND OF THING! JESUS CHRIST ON A RED BICYCLE PEOPLE THERE ARE PROGRAMS BASED AROUND DIVERTING PEOPLE FROM THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR!


STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!!!!
JUST SAY NO TO SPAMBEVVIES!!!!!!!

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