Tuesday, 31 March 2009


Its Natemares birthday , so we have cakes at work today , and I am munching my way thru a delicious jam donut.

Donuts are a Beast kind of cake , an honest to goodness sugary , greasy , jammy , moist delight . Nothing fancy or pretentious about them.

This brought to mind early childhood birthdays .We used to go for a meal at the local Wimpy Bar , in those days it had waitress service and was the height of sophistication for a 6 year old. If it was your birthday you were allowed to have the most expensive thing on the menu , which at that time was The Knickerbocker Glory . I recognised even at a tender age the 'Fur coat and no knickers' dessert that it was . It never tasted as good as it looked ,all flash and no substance

My dessert of choice was always the understated glamour of The Brown Derby , named after the famous Hollywood Eatery , it was basically a ring donut with a blob of ice cream in the middle , covered in chocolate fudge sauce and a dollop of cream.

I have scoured the Internet for a picture of The Brown Derby dessert but to no avail , does anyone else remember The Bender Burger ( no doubt Piggy's burger of choice) it was a normal beef burger in a bun with a rubbery frankfurter bent round it , but it was probably my first introduction to the concept of being adventurous with food :-)

Wednesday, 25 March 2009


With Mr C on the loose in Rome , there could be a historic meeting on the cards . Dorchester's finest restuaranteur meets the spiritual leader of the western world
One can only imagine the exchange of high minded ideas.......

Tuesday, 24 March 2009


Sunday I finally decided to clean out my car , which was a disgusting mess .However every time I clean it out I mysteriously end up looking after Mr C's dogs and it gets in a horrid mess again.
I staggered out with the dyson and gave the Beastmobile a good old scrub up . As I staggered back into the house arms full of rubbish bags and cleaning equipment , I could hear my msn messenger pinging
and guess what!!!!!
Can you come and collect the dogs , I have found a cheap flight to Rome ???? .
So Mr C is off to kiss the Popes ring see the sites
and I have the dogs.
The next four days will be spent racing about from work to home , picking up dog logs from the garden , grooming , feeding and walking the blighters (for hours to wear the buggers out) , disturbed nights beating the four legged fiends off my bed and the return of the supermarket dog food obsession.
I am now wondering if I am paying off some massive karmic debt in this life , was I Hitlers aunty in a previous existence or perhaps I kicked Ghandi up the ass or goosed mother Theresa .
Its the only viable explanation as to why I always cop dog sitting , washing up , etc etc etc , while other obviously more enlightened beings jet off to glamorous places and do exciting things.
Reincarnation is a drag :-(

Friday, 20 March 2009


The Beasts task was to do some Interwebs research on behalf of Cafe Jago (Dorchester's premier eating establishment **)
Sadly the food supply company I was researching has the unfortunate name of Juggs.
You can just imagine the search results.

I refined my search to Juggs Food
It did not get any better

I have now learnt my lesson . Consequently Mr C is on his own with researching recipes for Juicy Faggots *

As I am suffering from one of my heads

* For our foreign heathen scum and assorted Euro Trash Overseas readers
a faggot is a meatball made from liver and bacon served in a rich gravy

**Come on you know you want to , there is a steaming Panini with your name on it

Monday, 16 March 2009


After my painting and decorating fest , having just thrown Ma and Pa Beasty out ,Obviously only returning their car keys once all the tasks on the list had been completed and checked , flipping lazy devils these pensioners in my experience , lolling about moaning about bad backs and replacement knee joints while they quaff bucket loads of tea and munch there way thru packets of biscuits and toasted tea cakes.....well not in my house , the blighters have to earn the pension I am paying for with my tax .
Ooooh Beasty , but they are your parents , who cared and nourished you during your tender years , how could you be so mean.I hear you cry..... tough love , gentle reader , its the only thing these silver haired slackers understand . Give em an inch and they will be off , tea dancing and squandering my inheritance on bingo , botox and werthers originals.
Anyway we digress , after Ma and Pa B had been packed off , I was gasping for a cuppa , so I popped round to the Gaskins , hoping they would have the kettle on . When I sauntered in Mr G dragged me into the garden and proudly indicated his latest garden project.
'What do you think??? he said proudly , 'Its taken me all weekend.'
I perused the free standing wooden frame , and offered
Well it will be great when its finished
After a squawk of indignation Mr G said It is finished , its a pergola
Where's the roof then ??? I asked.....to which he didn't have an answer.
Honestly ....whats the point of a wooden frame with no roof to protect you from a burning sun , or pouring rain.
It makes no sense to me at all !

Friday, 13 March 2009


What has the Beast been up to during his week of non bloggery I hear you cry !
For one , I have been trying to re decorate the original Bedroom of Doom (See Jun 2008 Archive for Beast and The Bedroom of Doom 2).
I booked Wednesday off from work so I could do all my prep work . Sugar soaping , sanding and filling me cracks (Don't even think about it MJ) in readiness for a painting fest at the weekend. Sadly Mr C seems to be able to sniff out a holidaying Beast at 30 miles and had a list of far more important tasks for me to spend my time on.
Tell him to Bugger off you sagely advise , little knowing that Mr C is a past master in re organising the Beast , and as our old friends the Borg would have it Resistance is Futile .

This is how it usually goes . Beast is a Taurus and therefore somewhat bovine in nature , things need to be reconsidered at a measured pace while Beast metaphorically chews the cud . I find it very challenging dealing with a verbal flibbertigibbet on a mission like Sagittarian Mr C.

What ensues is a verbal Bullfight , Stoic Bullish Beast being goaded and prodded by a preening , whirling , posturing Mr C.
This battle of wills can go on for some time until either Beast grinds to a stuttering halt under a bewildering barrage of rapid subject changes , dazzling put downs and frankly ludicrous accusations

Mr C is the only person in the world who can get me so confused and indignant I end up stuttering - which is then seized upon with great glee and paraded as a sign of lying - which in turn makes me so mad I stutter even more) These encounters end with either Beast giving up and going with the flow (Its just easier)

Or on rarer occasions a Taurus tantrum ensures Mr C gets a goring :-)

Anyway on this occasion , Beast rolled over and dutifully trundled off to Dorchester to take Mr C's car to the garage for its annual service and MOT (Mr C being far too busy quaffing coffee , eating cake and doing a 'Stalin' on the hapless kitchen staff)

I hate driving Mr C's monster Range Rover , its twice the size of my car and automatic(Mines a manual).I don't know how to adjust the drivers seat , given that myself and Mr C are exactly the same height this shouldn't be a problem you would have thought.

Where as Beast is normally proportioned , I wear regular arm and leg length fittings .

From the setting of the drivers seat Mr C seems to have freakishly long arms and legs(and a big square head - but that's another matter)

If I sit normally in the un adjusted drivers seat , I cant reach the pedals or the steering wheel. The seatback is raked so far off the vertical , if I lean back I am staring at the ceiling. The lad is obviously a freak.
So Beast blundered off round rush hour Dorchester , precariously perched on the front of the seat , holding up traffic , bunny hopping out of junctions , stalling and due to a set of vague directions missed the garage entrance three times .

When I got back the coffee machine exploded , and the numskull chef managed to cause a baguette to mysteriously spontaniously combust and filled the restaurant with yellow smoke . so with all this excitement we scuttled off to the grand reopening of the bankrupt Woolworth's store , now taken over by the previous manager and opened up under the name of Wellworth's (Or Wellies for short).
The place was heaving with people wearing far too much gold jewellery and unnatural fibre , I managed to battle to the exit past ravening news station camera crews and was handed the foulest cup of free coffee I have ever tasted ...I think Mr C may still be in there , hanging round the glittery things counter......The boy is a human magpie :-).

Anyways I am now off decorating and travelling for the weekend and will be back to full blogging strength on Monday

Monday, 9 March 2009


The Beast is experiencing some 'Life Turbulence' , and frankly my urge to blog is just not there at the moment.

So rather than cranking out rubbish

***Slaps MJ before she says anything***

I am taking a few weeks off and hopefully the blogging Fu will have returned

See you all soon


Wednesday, 4 March 2009


I had a virtuous evening planned , I was going Circuit training at the health centre and was really looking forward to perving at the lycra clad fitties an hour of healthy exercise , a frugal supper , followed by a few hours blundering around the Internet and relaxing in front of the TV.
The best laid plans blah , blah were well and truly scuppered by a begging call from Cafe C for an evening of hot waitering action . As usual I forgot to eat while I was at the cafe and had to make a emergency stop at the petrol station before I faded away entirely to get something quick to eat on the way home.
The healthy eating section was given barely a passing glance as I was strangely drawn by the Bette Noir of all foodies and health freaks , the much vilified Chicken and Mushroom Pot Noodle.
I have to report a minor thrill of guilt as I spooned its silky , savoury lusciousness down my throat.
I feel so dirty!!
Its now your chance to come clean and confess your own sordid food indiscretions , we are all friends here , confession is good for the soul

Sunday, 1 March 2009


The Beast has been shopping for books . I get no joy from shopping Online (Apart from the price) , I like to go mooching round a good bookstore like Borders.

I like cruising round the shelves , looking at whats flaunting itself(Come on big boy , read me !) and see which cheeky little number attracts my attention , then go and handle it , feel its weight , marvel at its thickness (less is not more in a paperback) flick through its pages and peruse the cover art .

So I have now scuttled home with a carrier bag chock full of treasures and will be settling in for a reading fest . Oh Joy :-)

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Doing Other Stuff for a while.Mail /MSN messenger on beastch@hotmail.co.uk...COME AND SAY HELLO GO ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO