Friday, 13 March 2009

WOT I DUN THIS WEEK BY BEAST

What has the Beast been up to during his week of non bloggery I hear you cry !
For one , I have been trying to re decorate the original Bedroom of Doom (See Jun 2008 Archive for Beast and The Bedroom of Doom 2).
I booked Wednesday off from work so I could do all my prep work . Sugar soaping , sanding and filling me cracks (Don't even think about it MJ) in readiness for a painting fest at the weekend. Sadly Mr C seems to be able to sniff out a holidaying Beast at 30 miles and had a list of far more important tasks for me to spend my time on.
Tell him to Bugger off you sagely advise , little knowing that Mr C is a past master in re organising the Beast , and as our old friends the Borg would have it Resistance is Futile .


This is how it usually goes . Beast is a Taurus and therefore somewhat bovine in nature , things need to be reconsidered at a measured pace while Beast metaphorically chews the cud . I find it very challenging dealing with a verbal flibbertigibbet on a mission like Sagittarian Mr C.


What ensues is a verbal Bullfight , Stoic Bullish Beast being goaded and prodded by a preening , whirling , posturing Mr C.
This battle of wills can go on for some time until either Beast grinds to a stuttering halt under a bewildering barrage of rapid subject changes , dazzling put downs and frankly ludicrous accusations

Mr C is the only person in the world who can get me so confused and indignant I end up stuttering - which is then seized upon with great glee and paraded as a sign of lying - which in turn makes me so mad I stutter even more) These encounters end with either Beast giving up and going with the flow (Its just easier)



Or on rarer occasions a Taurus tantrum ensures Mr C gets a goring :-)




Anyway on this occasion , Beast rolled over and dutifully trundled off to Dorchester to take Mr C's car to the garage for its annual service and MOT (Mr C being far too busy quaffing coffee , eating cake and doing a 'Stalin' on the hapless kitchen staff)

I hate driving Mr C's monster Range Rover , its twice the size of my car and automatic(Mines a manual).I don't know how to adjust the drivers seat , given that myself and Mr C are exactly the same height this shouldn't be a problem you would have thought.


Where as Beast is normally proportioned , I wear regular arm and leg length fittings .



From the setting of the drivers seat Mr C seems to have freakishly long arms and legs(and a big square head - but that's another matter)


If I sit normally in the un adjusted drivers seat , I cant reach the pedals or the steering wheel. The seatback is raked so far off the vertical , if I lean back I am staring at the ceiling. The lad is obviously a freak.
So Beast blundered off round rush hour Dorchester , precariously perched on the front of the seat , holding up traffic , bunny hopping out of junctions , stalling and due to a set of vague directions missed the garage entrance three times .

When I got back the coffee machine exploded , and the numskull chef managed to cause a baguette to mysteriously spontaniously combust and filled the restaurant with yellow smoke . so with all this excitement we scuttled off to the grand reopening of the bankrupt Woolworth's store , now taken over by the previous manager and opened up under the name of Wellworth's (Or Wellies for short).
The place was heaving with people wearing far too much gold jewellery and unnatural fibre , I managed to battle to the exit past ravening news station camera crews and was handed the foulest cup of free coffee I have ever tasted ...I think Mr C may still be in there , hanging round the glittery things counter......The boy is a human magpie :-).

Anyways I am now off decorating and travelling for the weekend and will be back to full blogging strength on Monday
TTFN x

18 comments:

scarlet-blue said...

Was Paris Hilton at the opening of Wellies???
Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

Welcome back pal.

MJ said...

Have you tried having your crack caulked?

Gorilla Bananas said...

One of these days you'll get him on your horn, Beast

KAZ said...

Can you decorate, travel and throw a Taurus tantrum all at the same time?
What a man - hope you have a good weekend.

scarlet-blue said...

I've tagged you...
Sx

UBERMOUTH said...

Wait!

You didn't telle us the colour of the paint!

And that's where you tripped yourself up! Any man gay enough to blog about his 'interior decoration holiday' would not lft out such a crucial detail?

I am glad the readjustment of your meds have brought you back to us.

eroswings said...

Have fun redecorating and enjoy the time off! Did you buy wellies at Wellies?

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
Was Paris Hilton at the opening of Wellies???
No but the ginger whinger Chris evans was there , does that count

BEAST said...

Jimmy Bastard said...
Welcome back pal.
Thanks you Mr B , its good to be back

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Have you tried having your crack caulked?
I have multiple cracks to be filled Miss MJ , by whatever means possible . Its a hard life

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
One of these days you'll get him on your horn, Beast
A good goring is all these blighters understand

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
Can you decorate, travel and throw a Taurus tantrum all at the same time?
What a man - hope you have a good weekend.
Multi-tasking is my middle name Miss Kaz . Functional as well as god to look at :-)

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
I've tagged you...
HOW RUDE

BEAST said...

UBERMOUTH said...
Wait!

You didn't telle us the colour of the paint!
Thats on a need to know basis only Miss Uber
And that's where you tripped yourself up! Any man gay enough to blog about his 'interior decoration holiday' would not lft out such a crucial detail?
Miss Uber your mistaking a spot of painting and decorating with shagging men up the ass.... , do pay attention

I am glad the readjustment of your meds have brought you back to us.
Eh ???

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Have fun redecorating and enjoy the time off! Did you buy wellies at Wellies?
Thanks Mr E , I had a gas :-)

Lippy said...

I take it Mr C is one of these "shop foreman" types who stands there making "helpful" or not comments while watching you work?

I've got one of those at my house too!

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
I take it Mr C is one of these "shop foreman" types who stands there making "helpful" or not comments while watching you work?

I've got one of those at my house too!

Yes Lippy , annoying isn't it . What I particularly enjoy is someone saying can you do so and so , then snatching it off you and doing it themselves if you dont do it in 2 seconds flat....grrrrrrrrrrrrr

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