Monday, 19 January 2009

SANDWICH



The Beast didn't have time for a propper lunch today , so I rushed along to the Deli Sandwich Bar(One of two Mr Frobisher) to get a made to order baguette .

For once the gods seemed to be smiling on me as there was a very small queue , and after doing a bit of maths to ensure I joined the queue at the right stage and get served by the Italian Grandmother , whose ovaries start twitching whenever she claps eyes on the Beast's sturdy frame and if I give her a bit of the old flannel I get a beautifully made sandwich , much grandmotherly clucking and whopping great portions .

However if you get it wrong , you end up with The Irish Witch , a thin lipped , sour faced hag , who hates the world , but especially hates me . I will end up with a mauled horror with very slim pickins indeed , and get over charged into the bargain.

Due to a queue malfunction and a nifty bit of footwork by the person in front , I ended up with The Irish Witch .My Brie, cucumber and tomatoe baguette , looked like it had been three rounds with Mike Tyson and tasted bizarely of pine fresh toilet cleaner.

I wonder if the Irish Witch enjoys her work ?

Whats your favourite sandwich

56 comments:

scarlet-blue said...

Fish fingers and salt 'n vinegar crisps...
Erm... does the Irish Witch read your blog?
Sx

BEAST said...

Miss Scarlet .I like fish finger and potatoe waffle sandwiches , garnished with salad cream and crinkle cut crisps(For a touch of class ) .
I hope she doesn't or the mauling and portions could get worse

Daisy said...

okay...don't laugh at me...it's a toss up between a honey ham and swiss cheese...and a peanut butter, no jelly...

BEAST said...

Daisy , I love peanut butter , we dont do the jelly thing with peanut butter in the UK , and there is nothing wrong with the majestic Ham and Cheese especially with a dash of hot mustard

MJ said...

What if they both show up to work on the same day and want Beast to be the meat in an Italian Grandmother/Irish Witch sarnie?

BEAST said...

They would be out of luck Miss MJ , The Beast don't do requests

Famulus said...

It has got to be a bacon butty. If this gets rejected on the basis of not being a proper sarnie, then it's a bacon and ketchup sarnie. A rose by any other name...

Or a chip butty. Hummm.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Locust and mayonnaise, but why doesn't that Irish lady like you, Beast? There must be a reason - maybe she heard you chortling about her hairstyle.

Daisy said...

beast...the next time you are in her line try to strike up a conversation...tell her you have a friend from the US who goes over to see friends of hers in cookstown and ballymena at least once a year if not twice and you were looking for some places to tell her (me) to visit...be prepared to write them down and tell me :) she will make you a sweet sandwich that day!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Mmmm... A tuna sub with plenty of mayonnaise and sweet onion sauce. Yum!

BEAST said...

Famulus said...
It has got to be a bacon butty. If this gets rejected on the basis of not being a proper sarnie, then it's a bacon and ketchup sarnie. A rose by any other name...

Or a chip butty. Hummm.
Both are good choices Mr F , you could combine your chip butty with Miss Scarlets fish fingers to create a Friday Special !

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
Locust and mayonnaise, but why doesn't that Irish lady like you, Beast? There must be a reason - maybe she heard you chortling about her hairstyle.
I asked her one day if she was naturally rude and obnoxious or if she had to practice for hours to achieve her almost super human standard . I may have to pass on the locusts they are in short supply in Bournemouth

Famulus said...

I say that we combine all three. Fish fingers, bacon and chips. Loads of ketchup... Hummm...

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast...the next time you are in her line try to strike up a conversation...tell her you have a friend from the US who goes over to see friends of hers in cookstown and ballymena at least once a year if not twice and you were looking for some places to tell her (me) to visit...be prepared to write them down and tell me :) she will make you a sweet sandwich that day!
Daisy , see my reply to Mr B above , I think I have almost certainly blown it on the diplomatic front

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
Mmmm... A tuna sub with plenty of mayonnaise and sweet onion sauce. Yum!
Sounds good Mr Ivd , can I interest you in a few crinkle cut crisps on the side for added sophistication

BEAST said...

Famulus said...
I say that we combine all three. Fish fingers, bacon and chips. Loads of ketchup... Hummm...
hmmm not sure on the fish and bacon combo , maybe Miss Scarlet , in her position as resident fishy fingered expert would like to comment

Daisy said...

oh beast just give it a go...really...just act like your friend sent you in there to do it (I am sending you in there to do it!) what have you got to lose? you are already getting a shit sandwich...you never know it may be the one bright spot in her day and you will be her favorite beast and get all of the goodies...oh that sounded so not right...but you know what i mean

scarlet-blue said...

I think fish fingers and bacon is a bit of a no-no.
I tired of being fish fingered, perhaps I need sausage?
Yey! refound my mojo... sorry...
Sx

inkspot said...

Mine's a sandwitch.

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
oh beast just give it a go...really...just act like your friend sent you in there to do it (I am sending you in there to do it!) what have you got to lose? you are already getting a shit sandwich...you never know it may be the one bright spot in her day and you will be her favorite beast and get all of the goodies...oh that sounded so not right...but you know what i mean
If she tells me to feck off and die it will all be your fault Daisy

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
I think fish fingers and bacon is a bit of a no-no.
Yep surf and turf we will accept , Pig n fish we are not happy about
I tired of being fish fingered, perhaps I need sausage?
Yey! refound my mojo... sorry...
A nice spicy sausage Miss Scarlet ???

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
Mine's a sandwitch.
I see what you did there Inky :-) .
I warn you tho she is a big old pile of Tits n'attitude

Daisy said...

if she tells you that beast I will personally make a trip to see her my next visit...and she will have a different outlook...but i think if you handle yourself right and mention the towns i told you...she will warm up to you a bit...you can also tell her the ballymena boys are a bunch of sheep shaggers (widely known joke to most irish about ballymena specifically)...

KAZ said...

Sexy Myra looks after me well.
No Myras have been born for the last 40 years for obvious reasons. I think she compensates for her name by putting extra mayo on my tuna salad.

KAZ said...

But nothing beats a chip butty.

MJ said...

Would someone please explain the CHIP BUTTY to me?

From what I gather, it's a load of chips between layers of bread.

WTF?

eroswings said...

My favorite sandwich is an egg salad sandwich--just hard boiled eggs, seasoned with salt and pepper, mayo, and bread. My second fave is fried spam and cheese with toasted bread.

Perhaps the Irish witch doesn't know she's a terrible sandwich maker. But if she's a real bitch, I'd send a note to mgmt about how crappy she is; or just throw some water on her to make her melt.

inkspot said...

MJ, hard to believe, but you're right. I thought it was a joke too, but spent a year (the worst of my life) in the north of England and saw people eating this muck. They eat, they die, and they do not see the connection.

Tickersoid said...

Faggot and mushy pea with a dash of brown sauce and white pepper in hot fresh bread.

Famulus said...

A chip butty is not a chip butty without ketchup...

And life is about the balance of a long life and a fun life, not the persuit of one to the exclusion of the other.

Thus the odd chip butty is allowed, for sure... :-)

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
if she tells you that beast I will personally make a trip to see her my next visit...and she will have a different outlook...but i think if you handle yourself right and mention the towns i told you...she will warm up to you a bit...you can also tell her the ballymena boys are a bunch of sheep shaggers (widely known joke to most irish about ballymena specifically)...
What happens if her sainted father comes from Ballymena ...

Daisy said...

if he truly comes from ballymena...she will laugh and say well then you do know the ballymena boys...

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
Sexy Myra looks after me well.
No Myras have been born for the last 40 years for obvious reasons. I think she compensates for her name by putting extra mayo on my tuna salad.
Or it may be part of her evil master plan
But nothing beats a chip butty.
No arguement there

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Would someone please explain the CHIP BUTTY to me?

From what I gather, it's a load of chips between layers of bread.
You just explained it yourself , but dont forget the lashings of ketchup or brown sauce . Its like a greasy orgasm in your mouth

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
My favorite sandwich is an egg salad sandwich--just hard boiled eggs, seasoned with salt and pepper, mayo, and bread. My second fave is fried spam and cheese with toasted bread.
Not so keen on the egg Mr E , however , we at Beastbites are big supporters of Spam
Perhaps the Irish witch doesn't know she's a terrible sandwich maker. But if she's a real bitch, I'd send a note to mgmt about how crappy she is; or just throw some water on her to make her melt.
I think she mauls the sandwiches out of pure spite

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
MJ, hard to believe, but you're right. I thought it was a joke too, but spent a year (the worst of my life) in the north of England and saw people eating this muck. They eat, they die, and they do not see the connection.
SORRY
CANT HEAR YOU FOR ALL THIS CHIP FAT DRIBBLING INTO MY EARS

BEAST said...

Tickersoid said...
Faggot and mushy pea with a dash of brown sauce and white pepper in hot fresh bread.
Mr Ticks , Miss MJ has plenty of faggots going spare

BEAST said...

Famulus said...
A chip butty is not a chip butty without ketchup...
WE HEAR YOU BRO

And life is about the balance of a long life and a fun life, not the persuit of one to the exclusion of the other.
PRAISE THE LORD
Thus the odd chip butty is allowed, for sure... :-)
***Stuffs huge chip butty in mouth and belches at MJ and INKY**

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
if he truly comes from ballymena...she will laugh and say well then you do know the ballymena boys
Is that before or after she stabs me in the eye with a fork ??

Julian Meteor said...

Mine is Peanut butter, crispy bacon, chicken, sweetcorn, mayonnaise and jam!!!!!!!!!!

YUM YUM!!!!!!!! roflmao

BEAST said...

Sounds disgusting , but each to there own old bean

MJ said...

In Canada, we don't know the meaning of the words "butty" or "botty". You never hear those terms over here.

So occasionally I get them mixed up.

Beast, may I have a bite of your botty?

BEAST said...

Join the queue
***snork***

MJ said...

I meant to say butty!

Famulus said...

Mistress: I think not.

inkspot said...

Beast, are you eating your butty while lying on your back? I think that's called cowgirl.

CyberPete said...

Salmon, salad, tomato, onion and garlic dressing.

Mmmmm I had one for dinner last night.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
I meant to say butty!

I bet you did it on purpose for comedic purposes , you little tinker

BEAST said...

Famulus said...
Mistress: I think not.

Exactly

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
Beast, are you eating your butty while lying on your back? I think that's called cowgirl.

I thinks thats called impending indigestion Inky , or were you being rude

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
Salmon, salad, tomato, onion and garlic dressing.

Mmmmm I had one for dinner last night.

Sounds good except for the garlic , too robust a flavour for my taste with the salmon

Lippy said...

Coronation chicken baguette. Or rare roast beef and horseradish on ordinary white bread.

And I really don't like cheese sandwiches of any description just thinking about them I remember that horrible feeling when the cheese sticks to the roof of your mouth! yuk!

BEAST said...

mmmmmmmmmmmm coranation chicken or roast beef its a difficult choice

Ms Smack said...

I love a simple sanga so any of these combinations make my mouth water.

Roast beef with tomato chutney

ham and cheese, with a smidge of mustard.

Vegemite and cheese.

YUM!

Gale said...

Chicken salad on wheat...potato chips and a diet coke. mmmmmm

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