THE ARSE END OF NOWHERE

A few years ago when I was a regular guest in the Swiss Hotel in Istanbul , I was upgraded to the executive tower for the week of my birthday (Which was very nice of them) . The rooms were designed for the hordes of japanese businessmen that scurried about and so were a little small but packed full of electronic gadgets . The most facinating was the lavatory. It had everything , it played music , had a heated seat and offered a whole cycle of washing and drying programs to pamper your tender parts. This was all acceseable from an armrest touchpad and detailed in 'International' symbols . Therefore if you wanted a bum wash and blow dry you would hit the international sign of the bottom followed by the windy sign , there was also a front bottom wash and buff , and what possibly was the international symbol for heamariod polishing .

My work chums and I spent a very happy evening , with a bottle of voddy and a few nibbles hitting the buttons and watching the show :-)

On a related topic , the Beast was perusing the lavatory tissue aisle in the local supermarket , when my eyes passed over the 'Moist' toilet tissues .

Now the Beast doesnt generally hold with such pampering , it smacks of ghastly 'continental' practices , and we all know where thats leads! .

Try capitulating in every damn world conflict for a start....however

I did spot one prominent package that was advertising 'New Watermelon Fragrance'

I ask the question , who on gods sweet earth wants their butt to smell of watermelons.

What would be your Butt fragrance of choice and why

If Miss MJ says Bananas she will be foceably ejected