On the last post , mischievous Frobisher decided to rip the scab off of a long festering garden related incident ,
The Curious tale of Mr C's Missing Chickens
Now the Beast has decided to tell the whole sordid tale.
Oh yes the chickens played the cuddly , bundles of feathered fun while their benefactor Mr C was about.
But in his absence a darker purpose became apparent.
Indeed officer as you quite rightly say
No respecters of the law
It started innocently enough , with the odd game of football , general rowdiness , and foul(Geddddiiiit!!!!!) language .
But soon degenerated into the donning of Shirley Bassey style wigs for an improtue burlesque/karaoke show , followed by the snorting of lines of corn and slug fuelled orgies.
Flouncing about in a state of undress , making louche remarks about their juicy breasts and firm thighs
and spiralling to blatant sexual harassment. An Innocent young Beast was fighting a losing battle against a rising tide of hot poultry pulchritude. It is well known that abusers never stop, so Mr C would inevitably be their next target once they tired of their beastly plaything.
It became apparent that the Beast would need to take drastic measures to safeguard his honour , and save Mr C from a Bargain Bucket of filth ( Its Finger Lickin Good , you can bet your sweet bippy on that ! ), and sought council from his blogging shaman .Miss First Nations , who advised drinking lots of beer , smearing ones naked body with slow baked tomato sauce , inserting a burrito in each nostril and praying to the Holy Infant of Prague.
The Beast set about his devotions with a pure heart , and as luck would have it the saintly child was perusing the items in Beasts shed to see what could be flogged on Ebay. (its an expensive business being righteous and stuff)
"For Fuck Sake , can't a flying pre adolescent Deity get a moments peace ! I bet Sir Elton doesn't have to put up with this shit " yelled the holy one .
"Take the fecking feathered fiends to a car park in the New forest and dump the bastards.....errrm
***composes himself and adopts Sacred mien***
I mean Go Forth my son and release the innocents to the beauty and freedom of natures bounty.
****heavenly host warble in background ****
Now clean yourself up and SOD OFF!!"
With that the Infant gathered up my gardening tools , belched loudly and floated heavenwards on his cloud , absently swatting the throng of flying baby heads that gambolled around him.
The Beast executed his Sacred quest and repatriated the now blessed chickens to the purity and majesty of nature.
That , my incredulous reader is the Truth , the Beast selflessly saved Mr C from a life of bestiality and shame and bravely bore the ranting missing chicken tantrums with humility and a pure spirit
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