Monday, 8 September 2008

BEASTS REAL COUNTRY KITCHEN




















This week , Beast has been Kitchen Bitch for the Gaskins making 'Gaskins secret recipe pear and plum chutney' .As it turns out Mr Gaskin was thrown out of the kitchen before we even started and Mrs Gaskin is almost worse than Mr C in the Prima Donna Chef stakes . the Beast peeled , cored , and chopped mounds of onions , garlic , pears , apples and plums . Weighed sultanas , and ground spices , while Mrs G imperiously critiqued my chopping , chatted to familly and friends on the phone , quaffed tea and repelled borders everytime Mr G attempted an incursion . But finally after hours of boiling and stirring delicious chutney was born.




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If your boil washing your undies and the water looks like this its maybe time for a bath


































The Beast predicts, as with all culinary despots , Mrs G will dispute this version of events , laughably claiming the lions share of the credit for herself .No doubt Frobisher will be carping that his opening a few packets in his inner city 'kitchenette' constitutes the real deal and obvoiusly Mr C will be making scurrilous remarks about my kitchen prowess.
However gentle reader we all know the truth :-)

45 comments:

INNER VOICES said...

nice one... are those for shipping to your blogger buddies? holeywtf was with yer new pal the other day. hard to get a word in...

BEAST said...

He He , I dont think Charles gets out much , I wonder if he would like a jar of Devils Chutney

Gorilla Bananas said...

The truth is you turn into a doormat when you see the inside of a kitchen. Aren't you supposed to be relaxing on a beach somewhere?

Hammer said...

I never knew what chutney was till just now.

I've had something sililar with fresh mangos, peppers onions and corriander.

I'll have to try it..but you will have to divulge your secret spices.

MJ said...

Is that your knitted hat on the teapot?

PATRICK said...

“Beware of false prophets who come to you in the clothing of sheep, but inwardly they are ravening wolves” (Matt. 7:15).

Revelation, if it has any meaning, is a divine message which no one can reject without sin. We must receive it, as the Apostle says, “not as the word of men, but as it is indeed the Word of God” (1 Thess. 2:13).

God, a God of Truth, could not possibly have revealed a plurality of religions, or a multitude of varying Christianities. He founded one Church, one Kingdom of God, one Sheepfold, under the perpetual and infallible guidance of Himself and the Holy Spirit.

Are you a FALSE PROPHET, Beast?

Do you love me BEAST?

I, PATRICK, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.

Fuck off Patrick said...

Delete this arse! We don't want another comments thread with his crap clogging up everything!

scarlet-blue said...

Morning Beast. I don't know bugger all about chutney . . . I think I'll make do with toast for breakfast . . . and yes, can we have a pic of you wearing your blue'n white stripey hat?
Sx

PATRICK said...

Fuck off Patrick said...
Delete this arse!


Greetings FOP,
What I want you to do, is to get down on your knees & ask JESUS CHRIST,the SON of GOD, to have mercy on your soul.


You are obviously a TERRIFIED “little child,” who RAGES over his/her fear, pain & shame.

Were you ABUSED as a child, FOP – or are you just a PSYCHOPATH?

I love you FOP!

Do you love me?

I, PATRICK, AM THE LORD’S LIGHT & SALVATION FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

Daisy said...

beast the chutney looks lovely actually...i hate making it, usually just buy it from the amish...

btw is patrick a friend of yours we need to endure...or fodder for our fancy?

fuck off patrick 2 said...

did you know god is black?
did you know he smoked pot?
did you know that mary was raped by god in her sleep?
did you know that it was gods will that we all get along?
did you know patrick is a tool?
did you know patrick is gay?
did you know patrick is a shape shifting serpent?
did you know patrick has a boyfriend at church?
did you know patrick spends his free time perusing gay midget porn sites?

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
The truth is you turn into a doormat when you see the inside of a kitchen. Aren't you supposed to be relaxing on a beach somewhere?
Its Kitchen etiquette Mr B , you have to be kitchen bitch in someone elses kitchen

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
I never knew what chutney was till just now.

I've had something sililar with fresh mangos, peppers onions and corriander.

I'll have to try it..but you will have to divulge your secret spices.
Sounds very similar Mr H , its great on sanwiches or cheese and crackers

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Is that your knitted hat on the teapot?
As it was Mrs Gaskins kitchen maybe its hers.....I will ask

INNER VOICES said...

I you are here now. is it safe to come out?

*trying not to draw attention to ones self*

BEAST said...

PATRICK said...
“Beware of false prophets who come to you in the clothing of sheep, but inwardly they are ravening wolves” (Matt. 7:15).

Revelation, if it has any meaning, is a divine message which no one can reject without sin. We must receive it, as the Apostle says, “not as the word of men, but as it is indeed the Word of God” (1 Thess. 2:13).

God, a God of Truth, could not possibly have revealed a plurality of religions, or a multitude of varying Christianities. He founded one Church, one Kingdom of God, one Sheepfold, under the perpetual and infallible guidance of Himself and the Holy Spirit.

Are you a FALSE PROPHET, Beast?

Do you love me BEAST?

I, PATRICK, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.

I am sure we would love you more Patrick if you would talk to us yourself rather than hiding behind bible quotes.....its very dull

BEAST said...

Fuck off Patrick said...
Delete this arse! We don't want another comments thread with his crap clogging up everything!

well what can I say :-(

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
Morning Beast. I don't know bugger all about chutney . . . I think I'll make do with toast for breakfast . . . and yes, can we have a pic of you wearing your blue'n white stripey hat?

Do I have to wear it on my head scarlet ???

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast the chutney looks lovely actually...i hate making it, usually just buy it from the amish...
It does take a bit of time , but the gakins had three tons of pears to use up
btw is patrick a friend of yours we need to endure...or fodder for our fancy?
I do not know whence Patrick came :-(

BEAST said...

PATRICK and FUCK OFF PATRICK
YAWN !!!
Behave yourselves or legs will be slapped !

BEAST said...

INNER VOICES said...
I you are here now. is it safe to come out?

*trying not to draw attention to ones self*

I have just staggered in from a very busy day , my back aches , I am starving hungry , and there seems to be a fatwah starting on my comments :-(

INNER VOICES said...

hmmm... perhaps a combo batch of ma beasties chick pea chutney then?

BEAST said...

Force fed if neccesary....harumph

INNER VOICES said...

*puts on rubber gloves and bib to help beast with his night time feeding*

mutleythedog said...

Thank you for the chutney, I mixed it half a bottle of vodka and drank it for breakfast... delish!

Hic...

Leah said...

Is the recipe really a secret? Cause that looks incredibly delicious.

eroswings said...

It looks delicious! Poor Beast, even when you're on vacation, people try to make you work!

MJ said...

Voices: I am the one wearing the rubber gloves around here, thank you very much.

scarlet-blue said...

Hello Beast I'm sure the hat will look great which ever way you wear it . . . I'm now having bad thoughts about chutney and vodka for breakfast . . . wish I hadn't read that . . .

CyberPete said...

That's what MJs 'delicates' look like.

Someone should make an intervention.

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

While you use sultanas, the World Champ eats Sultans.

BEAST said...

INNER VOICES said...
*puts on rubber gloves and bib to help beast with his night time feeding*
Is that rubber glove and bib combo left over from an MJ filthy friday photo shoot

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Thank you for the chutney, I mixed it half a bottle of vodka and drank it for breakfast... delish!

Hic...
Sounds disgusting Mr M , I think I need to go and lay down for a while now

BEAST said...

Leah said...
Is the recipe really a secret? Cause that looks incredibly delicious.
I think the gaskins make the recipe up as they go along and claim its a secret Leah

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
It looks delicious! Poor Beast, even when you're on vacation, people try to make you work!
Its good Mr E , I get bored if I have nothing to do

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Voices: I am the one wearing the rubber gloves around here, thank you very much.

I bet you are

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
Hello Beast I'm sure the hat will look great which ever way you wear it . . . I'm now having bad thoughts about chutney and vodka for breakfast . . . wish I hadn't read that . . .
Me too , I feel a bit queasy

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
That's what MJs 'delicates' look like.

Someone should make an intervention.
One dreads to think CP

BEAST said...

World Champ Stephen Neal said...
While you use sultanas, the World Champ eats Sultans.
We had trouble squeezing a sultan in the pan Champ , so made do with sultana's

mutleythedog said...

My monkey stole some....

FirstNations said...

I KNOW THE SECRET RECIPE.
*settles back with a smug look*

Oh yes. Mm-hm.

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
My monkey stole some....
Bubbles ???

BEAST said...

FirstNations said...
I KNOW THE SECRET RECIPE.
*settles back with a smug look*

Oh yes. Mm-hm.
***gives First Nations the secret 'Chutney Finger' hand signal ***

Almighty God said...

For My sake, Patrick, stop making an ass of yourself. This beast isn't the real cloven-hooved customer we've been battling against since the dawn of time. The name is just a bit of ironic posing, can't you see that? If you carry on being a troll, it's going to look very bad on your end of term report.

BEAST said...

***drapes jacket over cloven hoof and looks innocent***

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