Friday, 29 August 2008

BEAST LEARNS TO DO THE SPLITS



Beast has been a busy boy , the usual grind of the day job , and an emergency dash to Cafe C for a kitchen Bitch shift (Frobisher being unavailable as he was having a back, crack and sack wax in readiness for his Spanish Holiday - is anyone else having visions of plucked chickens ??? ) .
Beast bussled into Cafe C , a little dynamo of energy and bonhomie, and promptly skated the full length of the kitchen ending up in a heap half in the sink . A startled and stressed Mr C having just slopped a load of cooking oil on the floor .
After getting a lecture for attention seeking gymnastics and being late , and the restaurant being full of eager diners , gagging for a portion of Mr C's grub , we didn't have any time to do anything about the oil and had to commence service , skating around like Torville and fecking Dean . It was so bad by the sink I had to tie my shoe laces together while I was tackling the huge mound of washing up , as one false move and I would do a sudden and gusset bursting fit of the splits .....Mr C was not amused by all this 'Norman Wisdom' slapstick as the constant muscle tearing induced screams of agony and shattering crockery was spoiling the ambiance for the diners





Beast and polish waitress Gruchenka prepare the order for table 6







My kitchen performance is obviously improving. I only got told off once as my salad garnish was not 'Glamorous' enough for evening service.
Mr C was expecting the salad equivalent of Big Saturday Night Out Hair









Sadly the Beast's first attempt was found wanting............

22 comments:

Daisy said...

beast you need to be appreciated! i will be there in november i promise :)

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast you need to be appreciated! i will be there in november i promise :)

Daisy , I am not unappreciated . Its Mr C's reputation and livelyhood at stake if the product is substandard , and he does have to deal with a blundering Beast in his kitchen :-)
Yippee Bloggers drinks in November :-))

Gorilla Bananas said...

You could have put the oil to good use by taking off your shirt and greasing your upper body. I'm sure most of the clientele would have loved a topless waiter with oily pecs.

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
You could have put the oil to good use by taking off your shirt and greasing your upper body. I'm sure most of the clientele would have loved a topless waiter with oily pecs.

Good piont Mr B , altho I was far too busy trying not to split me crown jewels assunder , and learning the dark art of Glamour salad

MJ said...

I would like to address Hal's comment on the previous posting in which he said about you, and I quote, "You POKE me a lot."

Would you care to comment on that Miss Beast?

Lippy said...

There are too few hours in the day beast - and that 8th Day that some people claim to have.......they are telling lies!

BEAST said...

MJ said...
I would like to address Hal's comment on the previous posting in which he said about you, and I quote, "You POKE me a lot."

Would you care to comment on that Miss Beast?

I shall attempt to explain the innovations in social networking that have obviously passed old fogey's like yourself by Miss MJ , so pull up your walker , put down your ear trumpet and take the weight off your support hose and pay attention.
There is this thing called 'FACEBOOK'
To gain the attention of other 'FACEBOOK' member one can iether send them a message in the normal way or if your a strong silent type like meself you can 'POKE' them instead of blithering on piontlessly.
As you can see Mr Perry does not object to being 'poked' and regularly 'poked' me back.
To aid in your understanding of what us 'bright young things ' get up to , I shall demonstrate

****POKES MJ IN EYE***

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
There are too few hours in the day beast - and that 8th Day that some people claim to have.......they are telling lies
well as they say Miss Lippy , plenty of time to rest when your dead

MJ said...

There is no need to blither on pointlessly at me as I am well aware of Facebook and its poking feature.

I do think, however, that Hal has used the word "poking" as a euphemism.

Perhaps some secret language you share together?

BEAST said...

Do you mean Hal using the phrase 'poking you on Facebook' he really means something else Miss MJ ??
Well its a hypothosis I suppose
or is it a theory
Who can tell

CyberPete said...

You can poke me anytime you want.

On Facebook too

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
You can poke me anytime you want.

On Facebook too
Who started this poking frenzy.....Its all too much for a white boy

CyberPete said...

well I haven't been poked on facebook so you could be my first

BEAST said...

CP my facebook experience is a poke and super poke fest , its shocking

eroswings said...

Dinner and a show!

I'm a little confused about what makes a salad glamorous; edible gold leaves? virgin olive oil pressed in the thighs of the purest virgins? Really, is there a standard when it comes to tossing salads? Most diners just want to dive right in.

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Dinner and a show!

I'm a little confused about what makes a salad glamorous; edible gold leaves? virgin olive oil pressed in the thighs of the purest virgins? Really, is there a standard when it comes to tossing salads? Most diners just want to dive right in.

Ah well , your sald should look like it has mearly landed on you plate for a brief rest and could at any moment take flight in a show of colourful salady exuberance.
It should not look like Miss MJ has been practicing salad farts on it

MJ said...

Salad farts? pffffttt!

BEAST said...

Hark , is that the sound of a salad fart

Tickersoid said...

The H & S nazis haven't got a toe hold at Café C then?

BEAST said...

They are always lurking Mr Ticks , and should they feel the need to come and clean the floor in the middle of service......its up to them :-)

Mu Tai Dong said...

I did a special offer post or you inn blog? Take a luck and get lucky with my new Peloop product good for erectile dysfunctions.

BEAST said...

Thank you Miss Mu . I obviously won't be looking for myself , but I have this friend........

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