It shouldn't have been difficult.
Mr C regally issued orders for Beast to go to the vet's surgery round the corner from my house and get flea and worm stuff for Alfie.
I bumbled in there and was faced with a real sour faced witch of a receptionist.
I need the usual flea and worm stuff for my dog requests Beast with a winning smile
DOGS NAME she snapped (eyeing me suspiciously)
Alfie Cuntt I responded chirpily (receptionist looks like she just smelled a ripe turd)
ADDRESS she barks
Beast gives address
Alfie not registered under Beasts Address
Tries Mr C's Parents address down the road
Alfie not registered under parental C address
At this point the receptionist gives a flustered Beast a lecture about the flea stuff being a prescription drug not just given out to all and sundry(the strong subtext being .especially deranged lying junkies like meself with imaginary dogs , who was obviously going straight out to snort the stuff behind the dumpster) , as she puffed up like some venomous toad and edged towards the panic button.
Luckily Mrs Schrodinger from no 3 stumbled in at this point with her cat*.Beast took advantage of the diversion and scarpered.
In reality Beast blustered a bit under the gaze of the harridan , futilely trying to explain why I didn't know where my dog lived or whether it had been to this vets in the last 6 months ..... then I scarpered.
Mr C eventually phoned the vet's and blagged it , so I can apparently attempt to go and pick up the stuff today..............unless.......... ITS A TRAP
Heroic Beast , innocent fugitive from justice , makes a trip to the corner shop for some biscuits.
* Oh yes its a quantum Physics joke
40 comments:
Next time try a winning smile while pointing your thumbs suggestively at your crotch. She'll give you the medicine and you can cancel the date later.
poor beast...to be honest i can't imagine some junky going in to by dog meds to snort them...they are outrageously expensive and you can get good street drugs for much less...or so i am told :)
anon...i was not referring to your dogs...i was referring to the reference that junkys buy dog meds to snort in place of street drugs...omg it's going to be one of those days isn't it?
arghhhh i know i am american but do i constantly have to explain my posts?
Mistress MJ is time travelling in a TARDIS and could use some of your quantum Physics expertise.
Her sonic screwdriver is busted and she would like you to pop round to the shops for HobNobs.
Gorilla Bananas said...
Next time try a winning smile while pointing your thumbs suggestively at your crotch. She'll give you the medicine and you can cancel the date later.
she looked like a biter Mr B , I wasn't going to risk it
Daisy said...
poor beast...to be honest i can't imagine some junky going in to by dog meds to snort them...they are outrageously expensive and you can get good street drugs for much less...or so i am told :)
I think the old bat is a Daily mail reader , in her view EVERYONE is a deranged junky unless proved otherwise
Daisy said...
anon...i was not referring to your dogs...i was referring to the reference that junkys buy dog meds to snort in place of street drugs...omg it's going to be one of those days isn't it?
arghhhh i know i am american but do i constantly have to explain my posts?
Well I understand you perfectly well , Mr C's brains are addled from inhaling smoke from the pannini grill
control room said...
Mistress MJ is time travelling in a TARDIS and could use some of your quantum Physics expertise.
Her sonic screwdriver is busted and she would like you to pop round to the shops for HobNobs.
. Is this where I make a joke about Miss MJ's gaping black hole ????
ANYONE CARE FOR AN ORGANIC JUICE!
You can buy them in Tescos you know...I always get them - but they are for myself not an imaginary friend...
I buy my flea drops in the back alley behind the Chinese take away.
I snort half and give the rest to the dog.
Anonymous said...
ANYONE CARE FOR AN ORGANIC JUICE!
Define 'organic juice' , once bitten twice shy
mutleythedog said...
You can buy them in Tescos you know...I always get them - but they are for myself not an imaginary friend
You get a better high ahem I mean they are stronger from the vets Mr M
Hammer said...
I buy my flea drops in the back alley behind the Chinese take away.
I snort half and give the rest to the dog.
Very genorous Mr H
Quantum physics is easy. It's quantum gardening that's hard!
Smartypants
The next time you have to deal with the receptionist, take some water. A good dousing usually gets rid of witches.
beast thank you for understanding me and constantly putting a smile on my face!
are they better if you smoke them? somehow they seem to not be as strong as the warning label on mine...
Maybe that charming receptionist is an American expat and former California Department of Motor Vehicles employee. She graced you with the DMV's signature greeting and interrogation tactics. It's in their new employee training manual, swear to gods!
Under city ordinance #42983761-13
it is unlawful to knowingly harrass a crabby old bitch...apparently it was put in the books to stop unsupervised lads from waving sticks at the junkyard dog but I think that your lawyer might find this quite useful when you face that nasty receptionist in court during your upcoming trial for manufacturing and possession for the purposes of distribution of illegal flea and worm stuff.
eroswings said...
The next time you have to deal with the receptionist, take some water. A good dousing usually gets rid of witches.
Watch it Bingowings , if you pass on that sort of Intel in public IVD might get ya
Daisy said...
beast thank you for understanding me and constantly putting a smile on my face!
daisy , its a talent I usually keep well hidden
***growls at Mr C***
INNER VOICES said...
are they better if you smoke them? somehow they seem to not be as strong as the warning label on mine...
The vet is probably cutting them Mr Voices to maximise profits
Letty Cruz said...
Maybe that charming receptionist is an American expat and former California Department of Motor Vehicles employee. She graced you with the DMV's signature greeting and interrogation tactics. It's in their new employee training manual, swear to gods!
receptionists the world over are cut from the same mold letty , a big old pile of menopausal tits and attitude
Donnnnn said...
Under city ordinance #42983761-13
it is unlawful to knowingly harrass a crabby old bitch...apparently it was put in the books to stop unsupervised lads from waving sticks at the junkyard dog but I think that your lawyer might find this quite useful when you face that nasty receptionist in court during your upcoming trial for manufacturing and possession for the purposes of distribution of illegal flea and worm stuff.
I have eluded the long arm of the law thus far Donn , but it can only be a matter of time before I have to flee the country and live a fate worse than death as Miss MJ's sex slave
God i feel sick!
Anonymous said...
God i feel sick!
Oh Dear
***books an appiontment for MR C at the vets***
It could be worse, at least they aren't pedigree dogs - did you see that documentary on the BBC the other night - OMG - every evil demendted old bag in the world is a dog breeder!
And didn't they have some hot vets on there fighting for the good of dog kind!
Eeeeek
Runs for cover before Mr C see's Lippys comment , altho Lloyd is a bit of a mixed bag , the Majestic Alfie is pure Pharaoh Hound
Oh dear
we dont want any of that
:-(
Oh dear, oh dear.
MJ said...
Oh dear, oh dear.
Yes , alright , no need to rub it in
Move along now , no bad mannered behaviour to see here
MY BAD. i havent got a name for my asshole yet... i suppose id have to get a good look at it in the mirror tonight and find something loving like "mr.c" to call it... i guess it only makes sense to have a name for that part of the body too...
*runs before something gets thrown at him*
INNER VOICES said...
MY BAD. i havent got a name for my asshole yet... i suppose id have to get a good look at it in the mirror tonight and find something loving like "mr.c" to call it... i guess it only makes sense to have a name for that part of the body too...
This is all very confusing , the Asshole isnt my asshole , its just Mr C , unless my asshole can type and is impersonating Mr c while I am not looking , which not totally impossible is highly improbable
*runs before something gets thrown at him*
Aims carefully with a pair of Miss MJ's dirty old knickers
I get Ketamine from my Vets!
mind you they are usually shut when I go in
Frobisher said...
I get Ketamine from my Vets!
mind you they are usually shut when I go in
Do you own a horse then Mr F ?
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