Monday, 27 August 2007

MID LIFE CRISIS

You blunder along this far in life , worked hard , own house , own car , no debts , had some good times , had some bad times and helped who ever you could along the way.


Now if this is as good as it gets

OH FUCK

I think a radical rethink may be required . Now this is gonna get messy . My job dissapears in about 9 months time , so I got a timescale for thinking and planning what direction to take next .Its gonna be stressful , but its also exciting. At this point I have no idea what to do , or where to do it.

One of the worst aspects of this for me is when you actually stop and look at friends and family you have to take into account in your plans , I have realised most of my friends(with a few notable exceptions) are totally self absorbed and would not notice if I burst into flames in their living rooms........ So I am starting on my preparetory feel good about yourself list.

1.Got the metabolic impasse on the run - nearly a stone down and going strong

2.Back to the gym , big time , get my fitness levels back up - mentally this makes you feel so much better

3.Give up smoking (Yes I know AGAIN , but hopefully this time it will stick).

The rest I am going to have to trust to fate for the time being , but if you feel confident and strong.......

How wrong can it go ?

HA HA HA HA HA

30 comments:

Jenny! said...

I like to have a cigarette the moment I step out of the gym!

Jenny! said...

I would miss you if you spontaneously combusted!

BEAST said...

Jenny ! ,re the gym and the cigarettes , I am the same,the post gym cig is just the best....terrible isnt it.

I have no plans at this time to spontaniously combust , but who knows it could get a laugh :-)

Hammer said...

The best way to quit smoking is to punch ones self as hard as possible in the genitals whenever the craving hits.

Good luck on the change of career!

Frobisher said...

I have full confidence in you Beast, they would be mad to get rid of you, and if they did im pretty sure something better is waiting :)

Gorilla Bananas said...

I see a vision of your new life in a pool of rain water. It involves counselling young women wearing a lot of make-up and getting paid in hard cash. Wait...I now see you sword-fighting in tights! You've got more strings to your bow than you've been letting on.

Anonymous said...

Theres always ASDA...

First Nations said...

YOUR JOB DISSAPPEARS IN 6 MONTHS????

want me to talk some sense into them, beast? *thwacking aluminum bat into palm of hand* what a pile of utter shit.
actually, emigrate. they're hiring at the Bikers' plant. can you wear hazmat gear, operate a crane and say 'fuck'? call AlcoaCorp!

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
The best way to quit smoking is to punch ones self as hard as possible in the genitals whenever the craving hits.

Good luck on the change of career!

Thanks Mr Hammer , I think I will take the less damaging route of NRT :-) )

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
I have full confidence in you Beast, they would be mad to get rid of you, and if they did im pretty sure something better is waiting :)
Awww Thanks MR F , Trolleys/Tesco's leaps immediatley to mind

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
I see a vision of your new life in a pool of rain water. It involves counselling young women wearing a lot of make-up and getting paid in hard cash. Wait...I now see you sword-fighting in tights! You've got more strings to your bow than you've been letting on.

Ooooh Mr Bananas , do you really think I will be giving advice to Ms's Hilton and Lohan.
I think the puddle was getting its time continuem mixed up , the swordfighting in tights was last week , It was all Mr Mutleys fault

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
Theres always ASDA...

Indeed there is MR Anon , so why aren't you down there........

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
YOUR JOB DISSAPPEARS IN 6 MONTHS????

want me to talk some sense into them, beast? *thwacking aluminum bat into palm of hand* what a pile of utter shit.
actually, emigrate. they're hiring at the Bikers' plant. can you wear hazmat gear, operate a crane and say 'fuck'? call AlcoaCorp!


FN ,Fuck ! yessum I could do that , that sounds like a propper boys job
***** Beast makes crane noises , and pretends to have a cool Transformers crane hand*****

Anonymous said...

ATTENTION SEEKING AGAIN BEAST...

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
ATTENTION SEEKING AGAIN BEAST...

Broaching a matter of some concern to me , as my blogging chums often have valuable insites to think about......some of them featuring cranes , and sword fighting in tights :-)

BEAST said...


MR C have you forgotten your password AGAIN

Jenny! said...

It is terrible...but so damn good!

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

You'll be fine. do something zany that only you know about. For example, Michael Kelly would recommend wearing a little smartie in your belly button under your shirt. Nobody would know it's there. Or have a secret word that, if someone accidentally says it aloud, generates the required response of "Spring Break! Yeah!". It's the little things, so I have heard, that get men through the mid-life crisis.

Oh, and penis extensions too.

Newforestandy said...

Nowt wrong in working in ASDA, tho you gotta be careful not to fall head first into the freezers. Like yourself I was made redundant, and made me realise there is more to life... etc. So like your plans thought about No 1 a bit more, and enjoying life! Will it mean your down at the pier more often?

BEAST said...

Jenny! said...
It is terrible...but so damn good!

You minx Jenny !

BEAST said...

Mermaid of Moorgate said...
You'll be fine. do something zany that only you know about. For example, Michael Kelly would recommend wearing a little smartie in your belly button under your shirt. Nobody would know it's there. Or have a secret word that, if someone accidentally says it aloud, generates the required response of "Spring Break! Yeah!". It's the little things, so I have heard, that get men through the mid-life crisis.

Oh, and penis extensions too.


The flaw in this plan is I would know the smartie was there , and i would eat it within ten minutes.Have you ever seen a picture of a penis extension.....HA HA HA

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
Nowt wrong in working in ASDA, tho you gotta be careful not to fall head first into the freezers. Like yourself I was made redundant, and made me realise there is more to life... etc. So like your plans thought about No 1 a bit more, and enjoying life! Will it mean your down at the pier more often?

Mr NFA , indeed there is nothing wrong with working at ASDA , a job is a job , especially if you get free donuts :-)
I will probably be under the pier collecting deckchairs or picking up rubbish

mutleythedog said...

Mine goes in 4 months... I oh and I don't own a thing...

Pink Drama said...

i don't smoke, but i live around people that do, so i feel your pain.

First Nations said...

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THE UK GOING TO BE UNEMPLOYED IN SIX MONTHS?

i don't have enough to worry about; now everyone i 'know' in britain is going to be jobless and turned out into the street this winter? cocka mahbouti SUCKUMENSIS, PEOPLE!?!

*looks into cheap transatlantic airfare*

*remembers steel plate in head, sulks*

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Mine goes in 4 months... I oh and I don't own a thing...

Awww MR M , we can both run away and Join Bingo the clowns Circus of vegetables

BEAST said...

Pink Drama said...
i don't smoke, but i live around people that do, so i feel your pain.

Pinky , a passive smoker huh , all the joys of smoking without buying a packet......good plan

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
WHY IS EVERYONE IN THE UK GOING TO BE UNEMPLOYED IN SIX MONTHS?

i don't have enough to worry about; now everyone i 'know' in britain is going to be jobless and turned out into the street this winter? cocka mahbouti SUCKUMENSIS, PEOPLE!?!

*looks into cheap transatlantic airfare*

*remembers steel plate in head, sulks*


Myself and Mr Mutley will be joining the circus or the sex industry , who ever will have us , we will set up home in a cardboard box in Frobishers garden and live off the scraps in his bin , I will wave Mr Mutley off every evening as he goes to start his shift an the legs akimbo all male revue and pole dancing club , and then go and sell me body on the corner to the highhest bidder , beating off the flesh eating gulls with an old shoe.
It will be a simple yet idyllic life

Tickersoid said...

Go Beasty, the world is your lobster.

if your gonna put on weight, don't mess about!! said...

...just at thought but would'nt that smartie melt..then you would have to explain a nasty brown stain...people may think that your colostomy bag split...eeew

A lot can happen in 9 months!

it'll work out...that farm is not far away, there will always be something there :)

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