Wednesday, 8 August 2007

BAGPIPES



Well three weeks in and the diet is going well .However the fat is going from the extremeties first , and not my guts , so as I lay alluringly on the couch , sensously smoking a cigar , I probably look more like a casually tossed aside set of bagpipes* than Micheangelo's David......still onwards and upwards.







I was having a bit of a nerdy session and was reading up on the 'Interweb' ** on weight loss and found a couple of horrifying reports.The first stated if I didnt lose weight prety damn quick , the multiplying fat cells would suppress the testosterone production and I would grow an enormous pair of hooters. In this event I could always make the best of a bad lot and make a feature of them ...... paint them with flourescent paint and surround them with fairy lights?????. I would always have something to play with on a quiet night in I suppose.




The other report was monitoring groups of people on varying degrees of low fat diet. If you
looked at the figures for the people on extreme low fat intakes , the percentage increase for a violent cause of death(ie being murdered) was massive. The scientist bods reckoned this was becuase fat passifies our moods , therefore very low fat= very volatile person , who was more likely to put themselves in situations where they meet a sticky end.




So there you have it unless The Beast steers a very careful middle road I will iether have to go and buy a bra or I will get murdered (probably at the hands of the Slimming World class mates , should I win Slimmer of the week again! ).


Would anyone like to share a donut ????


*Note to self : the Tartan Boxer Shorts , albeit very competively priced , were possibly a fashion faux par

** Mr Mutley in his new Head Of IT role , informs me this is the correct term , as it is a 'web' of net thingies (thats a technical term apparently)

17 comments:

Newforestandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Newforestandy said...

OOOoh I am no 1!! I always thought I should be top of the class.

A couple of comments for you....

I have never tossed bagpipes, but does it have the desired erotic effect?

Man boobs...... I thought you had them seeing that you can be seen often wearing a 42dd bra under the pier with that pink mini skirt number??

With regards a low fat diet, I would suggest the person in the centre of the photo may have gone a little bit too far, it looks like old boney who managed to escape from our torture chamber last year, could it be him?

Hammer said...

bagpipe... that brings a strange mental image

Tickersoid said...

It'll be another fad like giving up smoking. Back on the cigars again then?

If I had man boobs I'd love to dangle them in someones face.

Camiseta Personalizada said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Se você quiser linkar meu blog no seu eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso.(If you speak English can see the version in English of the Camiseta Personalizada.If he will be possible add my blog in your blogroll I thankful, bye friend).

Mental Mac said...

Surely it would be easier to ditch skinny people from your social calender? Or become a recluse?

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
OOOoh I am no 1!! I always thought I should be top of the class.

At 'Special ' School maybe

A couple of comments for you....

I have never tossed bagpipes, but does it have the desired erotic effect?


well theres a suprise !

Man boobs...... I thought you had them seeing that you can be seen often wearing a 42dd bra under the pier with that pink mini skirt number??

You must be mistaking me for Frobisher , Pink is not my colour

With regards a low fat diet, I would suggest the person in the centre of the photo may have gone a little bit too far, it looks like old boney who managed to escape from our torture chamber last year, could it be him?

Possibly Mr Andy , he was gibbering a bit , so was kind of difficult to understand , unfortunatley the dogs burried him somewhere , so now we wil never know

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
bagpipe... that brings a strange mental image

Truth is stranger than fiction Mr Hammer , and the noble bagpipe is the strangest of them all

BEAST said...

Tickersoid said...
It'll be another fad like giving up smoking. Back on the cigars again then?

Only when I am not smoking the crack pipe Mr Ticks

If I had man boobs I'd love to dangle them in someones face.

I wouldnt say that too loud in here Mr Ticks , there are some strange people with stranger tastes lurking in the shadows

BEAST said...

Camiseta Personalizada said...
Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Se você quiser linkar meu blog no seu eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso.(If you speak English can see the version in English of the Camiseta Personalizada.If he will be possible add my blog in your blogroll I thankful, bye friend).

. BLOODY ADVERTS!

BEAST said...

Mental Mac said...
Surely it would be easier to ditch skinny people from your social calender? Or become a recluse?

MM I dont think I know any skinny people , they are all donut guzzling , beer swilling , chubbies.
I found being a recluse a bit boring , no one to victimize , wind up or make unatural and disgusting suggestions to .

mutleythedog said...

I think you would look cool in tartan Mr B! You are quite right about the Interweb of course. I hope your Blog is WWWiki Compliant?

Had you considered using speed as an adjunct to your dieting? Mr F assures me that it works for him...

Also large quantities of real ale have such an effect that it is impossibleto digest food,and it passes through whole.

Finally, amoebic dysentery.

I hope these tips are helpful...

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
I think you would look cool in tartan Mr B! You are quite right about the Interweb of course. I hope your Blog is WWWiki Compliant?

I shall send you my 'distressed' tartan undergarments as usual Mr Mutley

Had you considered using speed as an adjunct to your dieting? Mr F assures me that it works for him...

Mr M , the beast is free of all artificial ingredients .100 % pure Beast . Mr F told me his dieting secret was hours of S&M (all that spanking burns lots of calories apparently )

Also large quantities of real ale have such an effect that it is impossibleto digest food,and it passes through whole.

If you buying , see you in the ropemakers for 28 Pints of Old Lesbian No 6



Finally, amoebic dysentery.

I hope these tips are helpful...

I already have three buckets amoebic dysentry , left behind after a dinner party. These handy hints have been most useful , thank you

Frobisher said...

I can confirm that Beast is looking "lean & mean" - although he did kick off about his portion of Banoffee Pie last night . . .

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
I can confirm that Beast is looking "lean & mean" - although he did kick off about his portion of Banoffee Pie last night . . .

Thats a vile slur , Mr F and Mr C had virtually half a banoffee pie(that was a serves 8 pie) each and I had a mere slither , which I enjoyed.I had to make sure I had room for the box of chocolate eclairs I had in my car , incase I got hungry on the drive home :-)

BEAST said...

GUESS WHAT

*****SLIMMER OF THE WEEK*****

2nd week running

WHOSE THE DADDY

:-)

Tickersoid said...

Congratulations Mr Beast. You are becoming more cheetah than bear.

I feel inspired and have started to monitor my weight on the Tick-fat-ometer.

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