Tuesday, 1 May 2007

POSSESION IS 9/10TH OF THE LAW


As I mentioned in my last post Ma Beasty's much prized sheperds pie has brought all sorts of sibling rivalries/slights screaming out of the closet.
There is one particular gross miscarraige of justice I just have to air.
My little brother (Beast Minor) has some wierd sleep disorder where the bit of his brain that is supposed to paralyse you when you dream only works intermittently , consequently he actually 'lives' a lot of his dreams , and believe me we dream some pretty wierd shite on occasions.
And guess who had to share a bedroom with the little blighter????
Yes me.
Most nights our bedroom was like something out of the excorcist , I didnt used to get a lot of sleep , poor old Ma and Pa Beasty used to spend most of the night running about calming down screaming children.
On the night in question Beast Minor was very quiet , myself and the Beast Parents where all lapping up the ZZZZZ's for the first time in an age.
At about 3 ocklock in the morning , Beast Minor did the biggest belch you ever heard (it woke me and the parentals up) , sat bolt upright in bed , turned to face my bed and did themost spectacular bit of projectile vomitting , all over me ,then promptly laid back down , and when Ma and Pa Beasty came stumbling in ,
There was a wailing sick besplatterd beast , bed walls everything covered in sick , and an angelic Beast minor slumbering peacefully.
Well to cut a long story short , I got a hidious telling off(having seemingly dragged the poor exhuasted thing from their beds on the one night BM wasnt screaming the house down) followed by a very bad tempered clean up opperation .
All my wailing protestations that it was that swine Beast Minor , only made the lecturing and irritable scrubbing worse. Had Ma and Pa Beasty bothered to look they would have seen a corona of sick splatter up the wall with a perfect beast shape blank spot in the middle , clearly indicating that i was the vomitted upon , not the vomittor.
This injustice has burnt my very soul for the last 35 years , and is brought up regularly at familly xmas's , dinners , birthdays etc etc..... to the usual catawalling , fart noises and jibes of derision .
I swear by all that is holy I fully intend on throwing up on Beast minor before I die !!!!
My question to you , gentle blogging chums , do you have any dreadful childhood miscarraiges of justice that still make you foam at the mouth to even think about them.
ps. Beast major I have not forgotten about action man and the chimney incident....YOUR NEXT

13 comments:

jungle jane said...

all this talk of vomit.

Fuck. I am aroused.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

I used to have a major inferiority complex to my big brother. I was convinced he was everyone's favorite. (In actuality he was only grandma's favorite, and the whole damn thing was her fault, but I couldn't see that at the time.)

So one day dad's yelling at me for being a slob. (Fair enough. I was (am) a slob.) And then he goes to get some salsa out of the fridge to have on some tortilla chips as an evening snack. Except someone put the salsa in the fridge without covering the bowl with plastic wrap, and it got all moldy.

Dad immediately blamed me. I swore it wasn't me, as i didn't even like salsa, but Big Brother was always eating the stuff, musta been him. And dad shouted (and I'll never forget this), "Your brother doesn't do anything wrong!"

And people wonder why i'm neurotic.

Hammer said...

How awful! I didn't have siblings but my dogs would eat my homework and piss gallons my bed. I got blamed for both.

BEAST said...

JJ you minx , is there an erotic form of vomitting (you know like having a great big dump on a glass coffee table is supposed to be !!!) Beast stands ready with can of oust

CB ....awww thats awful , granmas always have really obvious favourites , its usually the first born , mine was the same.

Hammer.....you got blamed for EATING YOUR HOMEWORK.....did you have some sort of disorder ????

Hammer said...

I did like the taste of lined note book paper but I swear it wasn't me!

Pink Drama said...

i have sleep apnea, so not only do i stop breathing during sleep, i also have moments where i snore rather loudly.

Tickersoid said...

I was the favourite. Blamed for nothing. Tee hee hee

Frobisher said...

did you try earplugs? I have them for dog walking as you know!

BEAST said...

Hammer they all say that .... blaming it on the poor dog you ought to be ashamed of yaself.

We will leave pinky snorting like a warthog......

Tickers you girly swat

Frobi earplugs where a bad idea , you wouldnt hear if the swine was creeping up on you

Lippy said...

Obviously, I was a girly swot ....still am!

First Nations said...

some stoned hippie chick stuck her tongue out at my mom and dad as they drove through portland. meanwhile, i was
1. eight years old,
2. home, which was
3. 25 miles away. nevertheless, once they got home,
a. I was the one who GOT SCREAMED AT FOR A COMPLETE STRANGERS' MOMENTARY ACT, and
b. I was the one who GOT LECTURED AT RABID, FOAMING LENGTH about taking drugs.

W
T
F
?
?
?
?

jungle jane said...

My lordy me, you lot have issues...i am so happy that i am well adjusted....

BEAST said...

Lippy I bet you were a saucy minx .

FN ....thats terrible....but it did make me laugh

JJ you make me want to rub my thighs, ina lavicious manner

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