Monday, 7 May 2007

DOING A SOLAR POWERED POLISH



I havnt got much money this month , but I decided to treat myself to a little something for my garden , a solar glowglobe from Ebay***.It is the coolest thing ever , it glows away gently changing colour thru the full spectrum and seems to last all night.

Should I ever decide to go to a fancy dress party in drag , I am def buying another one and will use them as glowing fake breasts !!

Since all my blogging chums are 'going green' , Frobisher and FN composting away like demons , Jungle Jane is bathing with a few friends , Mu Tai is burning Mr Mutleys furniture to power her wok .I have decided to do my part and save the planet from my lavatory seat. We all flush too much apparently , there is no need to flush after every lavatorial transaction....so remember

If its yellow let it mellow****

If its brown flush it down

I heard on the radio that there is a new phenomenon in london that has appeared since the massive influx of polish builders....... if someone turns up at you house , uses your bathroom and has a big dump............ is now called doing a polish(as in poland notas in polishing ya nic knacs).

Has anyone ever 'done a polish' at your house ????

***God bless Ebay

***** unless its a yellow Polish , in which case its probably cholera , so flush immediatley and seek medical attention :-)

22 comments:

Frobisher said...

Have you also noticed that Polish heads are very flat at the back? I can spot them a mile off!

Don't know why perhaps they were left in the cot too long.

Tickersoid said...

I want the colour changing delight of garden lights for breasts.

Tickersoid said...

If you like someone do they turn green?

BEAST said...

Frobisher.....its being pushed out between those 'shot putter' thighs that does it.

Tickers....it would be great if a hooter went off as well as tuning green :-) (hmmmm maybe thats why they are called hooters).

Hammer said...

People don't flush enough as it is.
I hate opening the toilet lid to see pee that has formed a scummy skin on top.

BEAST said...

Mr Hammer , scummy skin will save the planet :-)

mind the gap said...

In Ukraine the men have flat heads too - it was the first astounding thing we noticed here. My MDF reckons that the boys are bashed on the back of the head with a spade at birth. There are not many shot putters here though. Maybe you can research this mr beast?

mind the gap said...

Oh yes, in answer to your original question, I've not had so much as a polish in my loo but the odd skidmark? Does that qualify?

BEAST said...

MTG , that horrible little dwarf Gillian MCkeith (of you are what you eat infamy) would lecture you at great length about skid marks... a diet too rich in fats and anything remotely edible , you need to live entirely on tofu and morally superior sprouting things to have a skid free lavvy apparently

BEAST said...

or do a polish at someone elses house and skid to your hearts content :-)

Newforestandy said...

Beast are the so called 'globes' too big to put down your underpants? It could be your latest party piece when doing your moonlight job of A strippogram hustler?

I currently work with two Polish guys, the first is Mr Sheen and the second is Mr tesco's value, and I have yet to see anything brown or yellow left by them! hehe

First Nations said...

i have enough to contend with, what with the adhesive lumacats and luminous wrinkle dogs rampaging around the neiborhood every night.

although you have just put an evil, evil plan into my mind re the next door neibors, some fishing line, and a solar glowball.

ooooo, i think i love you!

First Nations said...

ooo. is it this one:

http://stores.ebay.com/Global-Online-Industries

(scroll)

that sounds incredible! i think we need new pix of your garden, my darling.

jungle jane said...

I am colour blind. I think its best that i simply stop flushing entirely...

BEAST said...

Mr NFA they have probably sneaked in and done it while your not looking - do you ever get a dreadfull smell wafting about for no good reason(ie its not Mr S's bowels)....eh ....eh ????

FN yes thats the ones , mine is sooo cooool , if i dress in a black suit and go and dance around in the dead of night clutching me globe i could seriously freak the miserable old git who lives next door.......he he he ***evil grin***

JJ i would suggest flushing once the lid won't close , or the smell makes you eyes water from the street

Pink Drama said...

tickers - i don't think they make mood-changing boobs. well, they do, but i meant fake boobs that change color depending on your mood

beast - i want a solar turtle. they're soooo cute. but i can see you pretending solar stones are boobs. but didn't frob already do something like that?

Tickersoid said...

Don't flush, recycle. Most of my outhouses are made from poo rinforced with old dental floss.

Newforestandy said...

Nah def not had any polish sneaking in as yet, with our security system (similar to the one used at the tower of london) nothing gets by the beefeater guards.

Anonymous said...

well flatt heads and small cocks that the polish for you i did my reseach when you first started to arive they were the must have at the time.. Its didt last long tho.. ive switched too russians they work harder and always willing yo please.. lovley light beast.. how ever it dosent match my grass glowing blue :-)

First Nations said...

anonymous C: do come visit the US...we have a surplussage of Ukranians. for those who like them oddly shorn, surly and prone to sudden violent outbursts, the expatriate Uke is your man!

mutleythedog said...

Polish poos is generally pinkish red from all the beets. Believe me they were our biggest customer.

I have not gone green -I have always been green as I have to pay for energy on a meter card. That is fucking hard at the end of the month. I have been burning beach drift wood to cook... is this what our parents fought for???

BEAST said...

Pinky , i wouldnt put it past Frobisher..*big sigh* attention seeking again.

Tickers....does it smell ??

NFA i thought you were a vegetarian ???

Mr C your flourescent glowing blue glass is very 'essex' the beast was going for a more sophisticated look.

FN i will have a whip round for Mr C's air ticket , expect a crate in a few weeks.

Mr Mutley, do you spend much time observing and documenting polish poo ???

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