Friday, 25 May 2007

KISMET !


Some things are meant to be apparently.....everything happens for a reason.....Now I am getting seriously worried.
I am on call overnight , and quiet often I have to drive into work in the early hours of the morning .In recent weeks , as I drive down one particular deserted stretch of road I pass someone peddling a bike in the opposite direction , dressed as a clown . I dont mean oddly dressed but full big trousers with an 80 inch waist held up by braces , stripey tights , big round clown shoes , stripey shirt under a big coat , a whited out face , red nose and a jaunty hat with a flower pot and flower stuck in it.
Its worrying enough that fate has drawn us together on many a dark and lonely night , but what makes things worse is the 'relationship' is escalating. Last night the traffic lights mysteriously changed to red on this desserted stretch of road , so like the good citizen I am , I stopped in the eirie moonlight , the odd bat flitting about my car , suddenly from a side turning carreened the clown person , who then slowed down on approaching my car , waved in a jolly fashion and parped the oversized horn mounted on their handlebars.
**Gulp**
Now I fear this is heading towards Hot clown Sex , buckets of custard down the trousers , pratt falls , pulling bunches of flowers from startling orifices and a troupe of dwarves.
Its written in the stars
Its Kismet
There is no Escape

22 comments:

jungle jane said...

Beastie next time you pass me in the middle of the night can you PLEASE watch your driving - you nearly ran me off the road. And i didn't appreciate the "Nipple Nose" taunt you yelled at me today.

jungle jane said...

Yay!!! I'm second!!!

Lippy said...

Clowns eh? And I thought I was odd having erotic dreams about James Martin!

Frobisher said...

Are you sure that wasn't a black transvestite? he cycles round and puts loads of white foundation on his face (which makes him look like a clown), wears stripey tights, glittery scarves etc. At first look you think its just a cyclist gone over the top with the lycra, but he even has wound glittery thread around the spokes of his wheels. That devotion for you.

mutleythedog said...

Perhaps there is an odd all night clown convention nearbye? OR there is a sexual pervert with a penchant for clown outfits who keeps calling up rent boys so attired? OR it is a an alien invasion and the only channel they could pick up to learn about Earth was Charlie Caroli TV? Thats possible... OR you have been at the Asbsinthe again and it is a weird and terrifying illusion. OR someone is trying to kill you by staging these events to make you THINK you are bonkers - like on the telly, clever hey??

Pink Drama said...

wtf is hot clown sex? never mind! forget i asked. what you and frobisher do on your own time is your own business.

BEAST said...

JJ , oh it was you , trawling for HOT CLOWN SEX , do the custard pies make for a better orgasm ??

Lippy it was no dream , gruesome reality , the squeek of a unicycle wheel makes me sweat even now.

Frobi , it could be the black tranny , he must have taken it to a higher level with the flower pot hat and the big trousers.

Mr Mutley , I think your last theorum could be correct , Frobisher will stop at nothing to get his hands on my dysons

Pinky , nice try pretending YOU dont know about HOT CLOWN SEX , I would recognise Frobisher by the omni present cardigan had it been him

Pixie Sprinkle said...

Hi Auntie Beastie. Mum said you'd let me stay over for the weekend. She's...um..."busy"...

BEAST said...

Pixie , my little cherub , that would be great , we can go shoplifting in Tesco's , and do a bit of begging outside Mc D's (big money if you havean angelic child with you.Jungly Jane is 'busy'....is the Russian fleet in ??

First Nations said...

it is difficult to comment lying on my side on the floor, cracking up...



only you.
only your life.
omg.

Newforestandy said...

I think you may have been eating some of Mr F's 'magic hallucinating mushrooms' ...... did he make you one of his take out 'fly in the sky' soups again?

We dont get clowns over here, they seem to scare the horses too much.

mutleythedog said...

Clowns have been banned in Bridport since the potato wars...

Pink Drama said...

no, seriously, wtf is hot clown sex? and remember, i really am the sweet and innocent southern belle everyone thinks i look like. honest!

jungle jane said...

I will have you know Little Mr Beastie that I am spending the weekend gardening. And baking cookies.

BEAST said...

FN , i cant help it , i blame my parents.


Mr Newforestandy....I dont like clowns , theya re a bit scary

Mr Mutley , I am not suprised , it has something to do with the big shoes.

Pinky , its like ordinary hot sex but involves custard pies , big trousers , buckets of custard , a unicyle and dwarves.....and like most clown behaviour, its not funny and its not clever.

JJ of course you are , are they crystal meth cookies ???

Old Knudsen said...

Tell me again about yer oversized horn.

Omega Mum said...

Beast, could you not just take another route to work? I hate to be a Kismet nay sayer, but it might just work. Or is hot clown sex the destiny that you've embraced, in every sense?

BEAST said...

old knudy......it was a whopper

O M.Sadly there is only one road in....could it be the road of destiny ????

mutleythedog said...

Did you see New Tricks tonight Mr B? on BBC1 -it dealt with mysterious clowns..

Pink Drama said...

are you quite through with the clown sex? it's tuesday already. time for another delicious foray into the world of the beast. oooh, that sounds naughty, doesn't it?

Jeremy Jacobs said...

Hello Beastie. Where do you live?

BEAST said...

Pinky I wil be posting from my sickbed shortly

Hello Jeremy I currently live in Bournemouth and spend the occasional weekend lurking with the rest of the Beast clan in and around Margate

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