Some things are meant to be apparently.....everything happens for a reason.....Now I am getting seriously worried.
I am on call overnight , and quiet often I have to drive into work in the early hours of the morning .In recent weeks , as I drive down one particular deserted stretch of road I pass someone peddling a bike in the opposite direction , dressed as a clown . I dont mean oddly dressed but full big trousers with an 80 inch waist held up by braces , stripey tights , big round clown shoes , stripey shirt under a big coat , a whited out face , red nose and a jaunty hat with a flower pot and flower stuck in it.
Its worrying enough that fate has drawn us together on many a dark and lonely night , but what makes things worse is the 'relationship' is escalating. Last night the traffic lights mysteriously changed to red on this desserted stretch of road , so like the good citizen I am , I stopped in the eirie moonlight , the odd bat flitting about my car , suddenly from a side turning carreened the clown person , who then slowed down on approaching my car , waved in a jolly fashion and parped the oversized horn mounted on their handlebars.
**Gulp**
Now I fear this is heading towards Hot clown Sex , buckets of custard down the trousers , pratt falls , pulling bunches of flowers from startling orifices and a troupe of dwarves.
Its written in the stars
Its Kismet
There is no Escape
21 comments:
Beastie next time you pass me in the middle of the night can you PLEASE watch your driving - you nearly ran me off the road. And i didn't appreciate the "Nipple Nose" taunt you yelled at me today.
Yay!!! I'm second!!!
Clowns eh? And I thought I was odd having erotic dreams about James Martin!
Are you sure that wasn't a black transvestite? he cycles round and puts loads of white foundation on his face (which makes him look like a clown), wears stripey tights, glittery scarves etc. At first look you think its just a cyclist gone over the top with the lycra, but he even has wound glittery thread around the spokes of his wheels. That devotion for you.
Perhaps there is an odd all night clown convention nearbye? OR there is a sexual pervert with a penchant for clown outfits who keeps calling up rent boys so attired? OR it is a an alien invasion and the only channel they could pick up to learn about Earth was Charlie Caroli TV? Thats possible... OR you have been at the Asbsinthe again and it is a weird and terrifying illusion. OR someone is trying to kill you by staging these events to make you THINK you are bonkers - like on the telly, clever hey??
wtf is hot clown sex? never mind! forget i asked. what you and frobisher do on your own time is your own business.
Hi Auntie Beastie. Mum said you'd let me stay over for the weekend. She's...um..."busy"...
Pixie , my little cherub , that would be great , we can go shoplifting in Tesco's , and do a bit of begging outside Mc D's (big money if you havean angelic child with you.Jungly Jane is 'busy'....is the Russian fleet in ??
it is difficult to comment lying on my side on the floor, cracking up...
only you.
only your life.
omg.
I think you may have been eating some of Mr F's 'magic hallucinating mushrooms' ...... did he make you one of his take out 'fly in the sky' soups again?
We dont get clowns over here, they seem to scare the horses too much.
Clowns have been banned in Bridport since the potato wars...
no, seriously, wtf is hot clown sex? and remember, i really am the sweet and innocent southern belle everyone thinks i look like. honest!
I will have you know Little Mr Beastie that I am spending the weekend gardening. And baking cookies.
FN , i cant help it , i blame my parents.
Mr Newforestandy....I dont like clowns , theya re a bit scary
Mr Mutley , I am not suprised , it has something to do with the big shoes.
Pinky , its like ordinary hot sex but involves custard pies , big trousers , buckets of custard , a unicyle and dwarves.....and like most clown behaviour, its not funny and its not clever.
JJ of course you are , are they crystal meth cookies ???
Tell me again about yer oversized horn.
Beast, could you not just take another route to work? I hate to be a Kismet nay sayer, but it might just work. Or is hot clown sex the destiny that you've embraced, in every sense?
old knudy......it was a whopper
O M.Sadly there is only one road in....could it be the road of destiny ????
Did you see New Tricks tonight Mr B? on BBC1 -it dealt with mysterious clowns..
are you quite through with the clown sex? it's tuesday already. time for another delicious foray into the world of the beast. oooh, that sounds naughty, doesn't it?
Hello Beastie. Where do you live?
Pinky I wil be posting from my sickbed shortly
Hello Jeremy I currently live in Bournemouth and spend the occasional weekend lurking with the rest of the Beast clan in and around Margate
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