They say you should never look a gift horse in the mouth . With the Beasts current crop of gift disasters you would definitely be peering down the wrong end.
The Beast's present pultrichude started early this year with Mr C's pre xmas birthday , Karen Carpenter would have had problems squeezing into the supposedly Extra Large Gstar and Bench Tshirts .
The Pucci Doggy hoody I bought permanently chilly Lloyd didn't fit and the chews I bought Alfie left Mr C mopping up a huge pool of doggy diarrhoea from his lounge carpet as Xmas morn dawned.... As you can imagine the Beast is none too popular in Dorchester this festive season :-(
The tedious educational eco friendly sustainably farmed wooden toy I ordered for my niece (On the strict orders of her uptight vegetarian mother) . came ready wrapped , much to my relief as I had had enough of gift wrapping by this stage. However when the little brat ripped aside the wrapping .It turned out to be a dispatching error piece of plastic shite called Bubble Butt . when you switched this monstrosity on , it dropped its pants and farted bubbles from its sphincter. You can only imagine the baleful matriarchal glare this invoked, you would of thought I had been plying the little angel with whisky and teaching her filthy limericks .
The Cigarette lighter and combined watch for Beast minor exploded and badly singed the sofa .
The ill fitting lid of Ma Beasties JAmie Oliver Flavour shaker , flew off , the ingredient crushing ball flew out , cracking one of Pa Beasties expensive dental crowns and shattered the kitchen light.
We shall gloss over the dreadful stench that filled the house from the 'Toasty Toes' microwaveable slippers .
If I manage to make it to Next Year without getting lynched every bugger is getting cash !