Sunday, 21 October 2007

GYMNASIUM GENTRIFICATION


I have First Nations to thank for the title . The powers that be had closed the Beasts Gymnasium for three days of refurbishment.It was a perfectly good functional no frills gym.
I was less than impressed by the following 'improvements'
1.New carpets - it looks exactly the same as the old carpet but seems to have a very nasty chemical smell to it but I guess if the old one was wearing out.......
2.Artwork - well fuck me sideways , I thought I was there to train and sweat . Who has time for artwork ? its a fecking gym.
3.Mood lighting - some idjit has replaced some of the lights with coloured bulbs , making it dark and gloomy , I will now spend half my time wandering into bits of equipment and groping around in the gloaming . One wonders what mood they were going for, other than a bad one.
4.Sanitising Gel. It is now unacceptable to sweat apparently one is supposed to immediately rush to your nearest gel dispenser and wipe down every surface you may have sullied.The fact that you are now be in danger of sticking to or sliding off of the equipment has occurred to no one , but at least you wont encounter a germ of any stripe - god forbid. What is wrong with this ridiculous 'no risk' society , I would prefer to have a fully functioning immune system , you only get that if it is constantly challenged.
All the gyms and health clubs have been wooing the yummy mummy market (middle class bored brainless housewives) to keep the places full while everyone else is at work , unfortunately what follows is non sense like points 2 -4 , whatever next coordinated throw cushions on the bench press , Laura Ashley gym mats ????? .
Its a gym , not your front room , its supposed to be functional , cant you just carry on ruining the environment with your gas guzzling 4x4's and bringing up lazy ,illiterate,undisciplined over weight offspring
AND LEAVE MY GYM ALONE
Jeez

35 comments:

Piggy and Tazzy said...

At least the new 'mood' lighting will hide you munching on that beanburger while you plod along on the 'slow setting' on the treadmill.

Is the gym attendance having any effect yet?

Thought not. Fat cunt.

Yay! First!

Daisy said...

you do bring a good point...i have never understood the new concept of working out...when i was in training we were just glad to get a towel no one had sweated all over...everything else was fair game and it added to the experience...you do your exercises more strenously when you are trying to get away from the armpit smell of the guy/girl next you and therefore get a better workout...imo of course...

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
At least the new 'mood' lighting will hide you munching on that beanburger while you plod along on the 'slow setting' on the treadmill.

Is the gym attendance having any effect yet?

Thought not. Fat cunt.

Yay! First!


Oh its two tons of fun Piggy and tazzy.....Barnsley's answer to the Weather Girls :-)

Feck of chubby cheeks the Beast is a stone and a half down
***** flexes greased pectoral*****
:-)))

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
you do bring a good point...i have never understood the new concept of working out...when i was in training we were just glad to get a towel no one had sweated all over...everything else was fair game and it added to the experience...you do your exercises more strenously when you are trying to get away from the armpit smell of the guy/girl next you and therefore get a better workout...imo of course...

most peoples personal hygene is pretty good these days , and i dont mind a bit of honest sweat in the right place , which is iether the gym , the worksite or my bed :-)

Daisy said...

i must say beast your last words were the most intriguing in all of your posts :)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Are you sure the gel isn't lube? Some gym equipment looks very dildo-ish to me. I would chase the housewives round the gym for exercise.

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
i must say beast your last words were the most intriguing in all of your posts :)


I was just thinking of places one might work up an 'honest' sweat

Frobisher said...

I thought your Gym was called Greggs?

make mine a sausage and bean melt - mmmm

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
Are you sure the gel isn't lube? Some gym equipment looks very dildo-ish to me. I would chase the housewives round the gym for exercise.

your jungle gyms must be somewhat different Mr Bananas , I havn't seen much dildo-ish equipment in mine.To be fair you wouldnt get much of a chase out of the housewives , most are a bit porky , I think they only go for a chat with their mates , you never see much evidence of excersise going on

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
I thought your Gym was called Greggs?

make mine a sausage and bean melt - mmmm

Frobisher , that is a very inscrutable comment ?

Piggy and Tazzy said...

"Feck of chubby cheeks the Beast is a stone and a half down"

So you're down to 20st then? Well done.

*guffaws*

"***** flexes greased pectoral*****"

Oh aye! Been playing 'find the wristwatch up the arse' again, have you?

Dirty still fat cunt.

First Nations said...

i for one am all for hosing down the eq after some vast greasy thing has been lying on the vinyl heaving away at the freeweights...can you say 'staph'? gaaaaaah. the runnels of dried salt are bad for the mechanism anyway.

ever run into the guy on the legpress who farts with each extension? i hate that guy.

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
i for one am all for hosing down the eq after some vast greasy thing has been lying on the vinyl heaving away at the freeweights...can you say 'staph'? gaaaaaah. the runnels of dried salt are bad for the mechanism anyway.
I have been developing my own freeweights grunting , I can sound like I am giving birth to a bullock when doing fly's....my trainer is very impressed

ever run into the guy on the legpress who farts with each extension? i hate that guy.

Oh yes every gym has a farting legpress man.... I think he comes with the machine when you order it

BEAST said...

Awww Mr Piggy signs himself Dirty Still Fat Cunt.

A quick shower and something in 'slimming ' black should sort that out....The Beast is here to help

MJ said...

I feel the need to sanitize and hose down my blog whenever Piggy drops by.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Something in slimming black? You mean like Denzel Washington?

Okay, I'll take him.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
I feel the need to sanitize and hose down my blog whenever Piggy drops by.

Get the mop and the bleach MJ :-(

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
Something in slimming black? You mean like Denzel Washington?

Okay, I'll take him.


leaves Denzel tied to stake and runs

First Nations said...

i figured piggy as more the 'Will Smith' type somehow...you know, because they're both so cool and everything.

*runs*

*FAST*

Lippy said...

Yummy mummies AND FREELANCERS go to the gym in the middle of the day thank you very much. It's the only place I can watch the fabulous Lorraine in peace!

Except the TB is into the "Bonding going to the Gym" in other words he never gets there if he goes on his own so I have to go with him - honestly he has a perfectly good mother, I really did not sign up for that job!

Hammer said...

The lighting makes overweight people less self consious :)

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...

I shudder to remember a comedy show where a woman starts a rant about sweaty gym equipment and a chiselled young fellow comes over and apologising, saying he'll wipe it off... at which point she says 'don't worry I'll do it' and proceeds to lick the bench... sick, yes, funny, almost...

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
Yummy mummies AND FREELANCERS go to the gym in the middle of the day thank you very much. It's the only place I can watch the fabulous Lorraine in peace!

Except the TB is into the "Bonding going to the Gym" in other words he never gets there if he goes on his own so I have to go with him - honestly he has a perfectly good mother, I really did not sign up for that job!


Awww thats nice Lippy , Gym bonding is goooood , you can take the mother in law as well make it a real family session :-)

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
The lighting makes overweight people less self consious :)

and who knows what you might bump into or grab hold of while your groping around in the gloom

BEAST said...

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...
I shudder to remember a comedy show where a woman starts a rant about sweaty gym equipment and a chiselled young fellow comes over and apologising, saying he'll wipe it off... at which point she says 'don't worry I'll do it' and proceeds to lick the bench... sick, yes, funny, almost...
Ha Ha HA Hurrah its Mr Gaskins

DirtyBitchSociety said...

It is sickening how people act all retarded about germs and junk. Yea, I actually made it to 48 w/o hand sanitizers and bottled water, for creep's sake. Doesn't it want to make you just slap the Martha Stewart smile off their stupid faces?

BEAST said...

HURRAH its DBS , how you doing ?
Where you been ?
Welcome back and yes It does make you want to have a good slap fest

Pink Drama said...

whatever, beast. we all know that your "gym" includes the tv, a keg of beer, and salty snacks.

BEAST said...

Pink Drama said...
whatever, beast. we all know that your "gym" includes the tv, a keg of beer, and salty snacks.

Pinky , life is about balance , one certainly has to balance a virtious life of frenzied exercise and spiritual pursuits with Beer , trashy television and salty snacks....and yes topless dancing girls / pole dancing transvestites*........the natural law of the universe must be obeyed

* Not Riverdance thats just freaky - too many legs

Daisy said...

it's also too loud beast...if i wanted a migrane i would just go to work not pay to see people stomp :)

mutleythedog said...

I cannot imagine what you are doing in a Gym anyway... really you should know better at your age...

Rimshot said...

"Beer is proof that God wants us to be happy."
Ben Franklin

Piggy and Tazzy said...

For fucks sake, post something new you lazy fat cunt.

MJ said...

Yay! I'm last!

Don't anybody else comment 'til he posts something new.

BEAST said...

Daisy:to bloody right

Mr M . I am honing my body to perfection , and learing at the hotties.

Rimmer , I am a scotch man meself , or a nice marguerita....yum

Piggy and Tazzy : How rude , I am suprised you have any friends at all ***** flounces off***

MJ : Well you asked for it

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