Saturday, 29 September 2007

MACHINE REBELLION



I bought one of those fancy hard drive tv recorders . It is supposed to record the programs you tell it to and also look which type of program you generally record and fill up any spare disk space with programs in the same category.

Oh this all worked well for about two weeks , then mine started slipping in the odd recording of 15 times a week crappy teen soap hollyoaks. I never watch or record any soaps , so this is a bit strange. Eventaully the recorder became absolutley obsessed and would not record anything else. When I put a block on the program which effectivly says never ever record this peace of crap again , the little blighter would not record anything at all , it sat in the corner with its little red light glaring malovently at me and did nothing.............. I switched it off for a week to teach it who is boss.......... and then the whole fight for dominance of Chez Beasty's televisual input started again.

I have just blocked Hollyoaks AGAIN , so its now sulking . I was standing in the hall the other day and I could see all the lights flashing on my wireless router ,they would flash for a bit then stop....... when they stopped the red and amber lights on the recorder would flash a bit , then back to the router....... I had a very strong impression they were talking about me.When I walked into the lounge they both stopped and had a whistling air of innocence about them , what confirms my theory is the wireless router has started to act difficult as well now.

I cannot believe I am having a battle of wills with a supposedly innanimate object but I will not be beaten by a box of wires , the little bastard iether tows the line , or its a quick trip to the dump. It has been switched off for a few days having first been told its imminent fate , we shall see if it mends its rebellious ways or starts chummying up to the dyson.

Its last chance saloon chez beasty its total submission or the tip......Mwa Ha Ha

37 comments:

jungle jane said...

*chuckles softly at her fabulous prank as she aims her duplicate remote control at Beastie's house and programs in yet more recordings of Holyoaks for the next week*

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
*chuckles softly at her fabulous prank as she aims her duplicate remote control at Beastie's house and programs in yet more recordings of Holyoaks for the next week*

JJ I dont believe you would be so evil as to inflict endless hollyoaks , including the sunday omnibus edition with a deaf person doing sign language and mugging in the bottom corner , on a poor defenceless Beasty.
Why oh Why would you do that

jungle jane said...

'cos i'm a cunt?

Gorilla Bananas said...

I don't know what 'Hollyoak' is, but can't you watch 5 minutes of it just to please your machine? Relationships require a bit of give-and-take.

Anonymous said...

have you tried reading the manual ?? that could help ??

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
'cos i'm a cunt?


Fair Do's JJ , now you have explained it to me it makes perfic sense .Can i use this as my bhuddist chanting mantra
Deep Breath....Jungle Janes a Cunt....and relax

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
I don't know what 'Hollyoak' is, but can't you watch 5 minutes of it just to please your machine? Relationships require a bit of give-and-take.

Mr B , its a dreadfull teen soap set in chester of all places , concider yourself lucky that you dontget it beamed into the congo .We are establishing a relationship , its Me tarzan , you brainless slave video recorder...everyone should know their place

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
have you tried reading the manual ?? that could help ??

I have checked the manual Anon , there is no section detailing recalcitrant behaviour and how to curb it

-eve- said...

And if all else fails, you might try talking nicely to it... sort of begging (I've tried, and it works sometimes... try to sound reasonable and persuasive... ;-))

Newforestandy said...

What may I ask is wrong with Hollyoaks? Esp with all the eye candy on there!

I am glad your electricals are hetting their revenge, I am sure you have been mean to them for this behaviour!

Be warned the TV remote will be next!

BEAST said...

-eve- said...
And if all else fails, you might try talking nicely to it... sort of begging (I've tried, and it works sometimes... try to sound reasonable and persuasive... ;-))
Its a battle for supremacy Eve , a primeval struggle , no room for mr nice Beast

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
What may I ask is wrong with Hollyoaks? Esp with all the eye candy on there!

I am glad your electricals are hetting their revenge, I am sure you have been mean to them for this behaviour!

Be warned the TV remote will be next!


Mr NFA the tv remote is totaly my bitch

Jenny! said...

You know you like all the teeny soaps! Don' lie!

The Hitch said...

eve- said...
And if all else fails, you might try talking nicely to it... sort of begging



hey it worked with you ! (+:

God job i have those tactical knee pads n my 511 pants

BEAST said...

Jenny! said...
You know you like all the teeny soaps! Don' lie!

I dont , I dont , I dont....well just a bit sometimes

BEAST said...

The Hitch said...
eve- said...
And if all else fails, you might try talking nicely to it... sort of begging


hey it worked with you ! (+:

God job i have those tactical knee pads n my 511 pants


Mr Hitch , we all thought you had run off to join the circus or something !!
The Beast never begs for anything , it usually frightens people :-)

mutleythedog said...

There are hamsters living inside it. Obvious. Only explanation possible. Everyone knows that hamsters love Hollyoaks..

Frobisher said...

¡Hola! ¡Bestia de noticias buena! He encontrado una muchacha aquí complaciente a casarme con usted - yo era completamente explícito sobre el tipo de relación que usted requiere. ¿Se acordó usted de alimentar a mi gato?

First Nations said...

I think JungleJane got to Frobisher's programming too...he's talking all funny! stop it! stop iiiiiiiit!!!

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
There are hamsters living inside it. Obvious. Only explanation possible. Everyone knows that hamsters love Hollyoaks..


You always know this stuff Mr M , i will try and lure the hamsters out with cocktail nibbles , tiny sausages on sticks , and little quiches and stuff.....they are suckers for that sophisticated mularkey right ???

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
¡Hola! ¡Bestia de noticias buena! He encontrado una muchacha aquí complaciente a casarme con usted - yo era completamente explícito sobre el tipo de relación que usted requiere. ¿Se acordó usted de alimentar a mi gato?

Pffft give him a plate of paella and a pint of watneys red barrel and he goes all continental

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
I think JungleJane got to Frobisher's programming too...he's talking all funny! stop it! stop iiiiiiiit!!!

Mr Frobisher is attention seeking in a ghastly 'European' way . He will have his casternets out next , you mark my words.... I intend to ignore him until he calms down

the hitch said...

Mr beast i am currently unwell as you know

BEAST said...

the hitch said...
Mr beast i am currently unwell as you know

This is plainly a fake , Mr Hitch is too macho to admit to being ill

Rimshot said...

Aauggh! The machines are rebelling! I knew it! Quick, we need an old priest and a young priest. No, wait..that's not it.

(runs in circles, flailing arms about and shrieking)

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