I have covered men , supermarkets and stupidity before. I can generally only speak for myself , but despite detailed planning of my food shopping , check my cupboards for items that require replacing , decide on my meal requirements for the next few days and painstakingly make my list (if I am feeling particularly anally retentive , I can make my list colour coded , AND in the correct order for the supermarket layout) .So far so good.
However ,As soon as I get to the supermarket doors , the list magically vapourises , some bugger has moved all the shelves about, and I cant remember anything.
Supermarket and marketing executives know this and now have me at their mercy. I am aimlessly wandering about , in search of retail guidance , THEY know I like red shiny things(something to do with having testicles) , so there are plenty of red shiny signs , that basically are pitched in such a way that says buy me and you will get lots of sex
THEY also know ANYTHING on special offer will find its way into my trolley , regardless of the stupidity of the offer and wether I have ever used the item in my life before.
Basically if the big red shiny sign said ***** SPECIAL OFFER , BUY ONE PAY FOR TWO **** it would practically leap into my trolley , and I would feel GOOOOOD.
So what I am saying is , BEAST + Supermarket Shopping = Stupidity.
Now MR C + BEAST + Supermarket shopping = Stupidity squared (its quantum physics or something)
We went to get dog food and some dinner.
We wandered about aimlessly ( I just cant get my head round it , mutters Mr C)
we managed to get the dog food(hurrah)
We managed to get all sorts of things in tins(becuase they were interesting AND on offer)
We managed to get all sorts of frozen tenticled and shelled frozen horrors (becuase they were on offer)
We managed to get a pink fluffy steering wheel cover and furry dice (it was on SPECIAL offer)
We got to the till , and were informed that as our bill was 46 pounds , if we managed to get it over 50 pounds , we would get 5 pence of every litre of petrol at the garage..............
A fit of avericious panick followed , Mr C sprinted off like something out of supermarket sweep .The only thing he could find to take the bill over 50 pounds was a 7 pound bottle of Tesco Value Vodka . This probably makes no sense to those with wombs , you'all would have just squandered it on lavatory cleaner and toilet roll and useful stuff. THATS WHY WE RULE THE WORLD AND YOU DONT. HA HA HA HA....ahem....anyways
We paraded from the supermarket flushed with our superior shopping sucess.Hunter gatherer gods on our way to bargain petrol heaven.
Went to garage
Remember it was £7 for the vodka......
Saving on petrol £2 :-( ( they bloody saw me coming again didnt they.....bastards)
We forgot to get anything for dinner and had to detour to the fish and chip shop :-(
The vodka is going to taste like paint stripper :-(
Mr C will drink all the vodka anyway , before I get any :-(
Stupid , Stupid , Stupid