Saturday, 8 September 2007

FAREWELL MY LOVELIES



My favourite camo shorts dont fit anymore(sob) , I have to hold them up by radically pulling the inner drawstring tight as the waist is about 3 inches too large , this leaves a big unsightly lump bunched in the front like some sort of obscene growth. They have been the most comfortable and practicle shorts I have ever owned , lovely big leg pockets for keys , wallets , cigs and mobile. I think a viking funeral is in order , so if you see a dreadfull pall of evil smelling smoke hanging over the south of england , you know what it is.

I am going to miss them(sniff).

The following article made me laugh , I reckon its The Hitch's handiwork !
Ananova:
Double-decker jibe for mayor
A double-decker bus was driven through the heart of London - with a giant obscene insult about Mayor Ken Livingstone on its roof.
Office staff roared with laugher on reading "Livingstone is a c***!" in 3ft-high letters, according to The Sun.
The culprit's handiwork went unseen by bosses at Wood Green bus depot as it was not visible at street level.
Eye-witness Matt Arney, 26, who spotted and photographed the bus near the Thames Embankment, said: "Everyone dashed to the window. It was hilarious."
Mr Livingstone has been blamed for axing the famous Routemaster buses.

32 comments:

The Hitch said...

The Hitch recomends 511 tactical pants
I swear by them.
WTF is a tactical pant?
Look them up online
comfortable smart and practical

mutleythedog said...

You could always stitch up the legs and use them as a kite Mr Beast...By the way, I have the 'special' pornography you ordered...

Gorilla Bananas said...

Beast, if you entered the jungle wearing those shorts you would be sexually assaulted by a female gorilla.

BEAST said...

The Hitch said...
The Hitch recomends 511 tactical pants
I swear by them.
WTF is a tactical pant?
Look them up online
comfortable smart and practical

Mr Hitch , is obviously a man of satorial elegance , and asI now need new trousers , I shall take his advise , and Ignore Mr Mutley trying to lure me into Primark

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
You could always stitch up the legs and use them as a kite Mr Beast...By the way, I have the 'special' pornography you ordered...
Mr M , I shall give them the send off an old friend deserves , sent out to sea on a burning raft , while I sob on the beach fighting off flesh eating gulls and the hordes of ladyboy prostitutes that plague Bournemouth beach

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
Beast, if you entered the jungle wearing those shorts you would be sexually assaulted by a female gorilla.
Presumably Mr B assualt is only assualt if you are an unwilling participant??? , if I can get a cheap flight to the congo , the shorts may live to see another day , I have to say they had the same effect in Lidl's , I was lucky to escape with me dignity intact (well as much dignity as one can aspireto shopping in lidl's )

The Hitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Hitch said...

Beast
511 also do shorts
check them out, you can carry all you day to day kit, they even have a space for knee pads(obviously not in the shorts)
could a man ask more from a pair of pants?
Seriously ,its good ,well designed kit and cheap as fuck.
they do a "muscle mapping" shirt to support moobs, I may send omne to MAXX

Newforestandy said...

I think its just an excuse to wear your favourite tight pink shorts, the lycra ones that show off every contour. I believe Mr F gave you them for your birthday?

Can you not sell the old pair on ebay or maybe put them in the chamber of horrors at madame tusaurds?

Pink Drama said...

whatever! you know you liked to wear them b/c when people least expected it, you innocently dropped trow and exposed your "i love pink drama" tattoo that you have on your rear end to every passerby.

First Nations said...

there is always the UTILIKILT! (oh look it up. Yahoo US. please.)

dude, they can be altered really easily. i'll give you my meatspace address and I'll sew them up for you. geeze. I'll even sew in a bag hammock for good measure...they ARE cargo shorts, after all.

no shit, i will. otherwise i'll draw you a little diagram and let you give it a try. jesus christ, men.....*shaking head*

BEAST said...

The Hitch said...
Beast
511 also do shorts
check them out, you can carry all you day to day kit, they even have a space for knee pads(obviously not in the shorts)
could a man ask more from a pair of pants?
Seriously ,its good ,well designed kit and cheap as fuck.
they do a "muscle mapping" shirt to support moobs, I may send omne to MAXX


Mr Hitch I shalbe ordering from the internet forthwith, Those muscle mapping t's look well funny , I may just order one for a laugh :-)

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
I think its just an excuse to wear your favourite tight pink shorts, the lycra ones that show off every contour. I believe Mr F gave you them for your birthday?

Can you not sell the old pair on ebay or maybe put them in the chamber of horrors at madame tusaurds?

Mr NFA , I think Mr Frobisher must have kept the pink lycra shorts for himself , I have never seen them . No one else is wearing my shorts , it would be like stealing my soul

BEAST said...

Pink Drama said...
whatever! you know you liked to wear them b/c when people least expected it, you innocently dropped trow and exposed your "i love pink drama" tattoo that you have on your rear end to every passerby
Its true Pinky there were a few revealing incidents, but I can now barely keep them up . They gotta go

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
there is always the UTILIKILT! (oh look it up. Yahoo US. please.)

dude, they can be altered really easily. i'll give you my meatspace address and I'll sew them up for you. geeze. I'll even sew in a bag hammock for good measure...they ARE cargo shorts, after all.

no shit, i will. otherwise i'll draw you a little diagram and let you give it a try. jesus christ, men.....*shaking head*


Go on then draw me a diagram, but you have no idea how cack handed the Beast can be , when I end up with my hand sown to my shorts , I will blame you

Jenny! said...

You should keep them....they are earsier ot get off you and get to the meat that way!

Hammer said...

The double deckers will be missed.

That guy is a cunt.

BEAST said...

Jenny! said...
You should keep them....they are earsier ot get off you and get to the meat that way!

Jenny , thats what velcro is for , One yank and they are off ! ... actually thats not strictly true 2 pints of Old Lesbian No6 and they are off , just ask that swine Mutley

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
The double deckers will be missed.

That guy is a cunt.


Mr Hammer , 'Red' Ken Livingston is a cunt for many reasons , the least of which is the routemaster buses

Frobisher said...

It's a wonder they don't disintegrate thru old age anyway

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
It's a wonder they don't disintegrate thru old age anyway

Mr F its only the 'difficult' and 'Interesting' stains that are holding them together

Newforestandy said...

No doubt the stains would be, jam from the donuts and ketchup dripped off of the chips?

jungle jane said...

Beastie why don't you stuff a few pillows down the front of your pants?? that way you can still wear your fave pants AND everyone will think you have a knob the size of a cushion....

First Nations said...

....now, see, I was thinking along the same lines. Just read some of Muttley's porn and they ought to stay up just fine for the balance of the day.

an e-mail with attachment is on it's way forthwith!

JUNGLYJANE!!!!!

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
No doubt the stains would be, jam from the donuts and ketchup dripped off of the chips?

Amongst other things MR NFA :-)

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
Beastie why don't you stuff a few pillows down the front of your pants?? that way you can still wear your fave pants AND everyone will think you have a knob the size of a cushion....
But I have got a knob the size of a cushion !!

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
....now, see, I was thinking along the same lines. Just read some of Muttley's porn and they ought to stay up just fine for the balance of the day.

an e-mail with attachment is on it's way forthwith!


Oh Goody a bit of shorts surgery is on its way..... I am about to create
**** forked lighting*****
****Crash of thunder***
Frankenshorts......Mwa Ha Ha HA


JUNGLYJANE!!!!!

Dont be sill FN your not Jungly Jane , go and have a little lie down and it will all begin to make sense

Newforestandy said...

Pffft.... 'knob the size of a cushion' bragging again? or more than likely just bragging once again

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
Pffft.... 'knob the size of a cushion' bragging again? or more than likely just bragging once again

How dare you !!!! Frobisher throw this gentleman out

William Minotaur said...

'knob the size of a cushion'
I'm thinking cushions though bigger than the average Male genitalia are renowned for there soft squashy characteristics.
Wouldn't a hard little bolster be more what you are after?

William Minotaur said...

Do you notice that my entry though published after yours is timed before.

There is obviously some delay for censorship. I smell a conspiracy!

BEAST said...

William Minotaur said...
'knob the size of a cushion'
I'm thinking cushions though bigger than the average Male genitalia are renowned for there soft squashy characteristics.
Wouldn't a hard little bolster be more what you are after?


Mr M , we were commenting on size , and had not yet broached the subject of firmness , one doesnt like to give Miss Jungly Jane to broad a subject matter , as thing can go horrible wrong very quickly


Do you notice that my entry though published after yours is timed before.

There is obviously some delay for censorship. I smell a conspiracy!

I fear Miss First Nations has been idley toying with the space time continuem AGAIN... not content with messing with the cut of my shorts

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