Wednesday, 26 September 2007

JOGGING ALONG

Some Pikey wanker pinched my bike .

I was just getting back into cycling everywhere again , so its fecking annoying , it was a heap of old shite anyway , so I hope the chain snaps and the peddles fall off.......bastards


Not to be side tracked from the new healthy Beast lifestyle . To replace the bike ride into work , I have decided to go jogging first thing every morning , straight out of bed , climb into trainers and shorts and off i go. However I am finding I am extremely un coordinated first thing in the morning , I seem to have too many arms and legs , this state of affairs doesnt lend itself to jogging . I shamble down the road like quasimodo , with a bad dose of the squirts , trying to get to the nearest lav , before being overtaken by some ghastly gastric incident .


Luckily its still dark , so hopefully no one recognises me.


On another topic that is currently perplexing the Beast...........


I dont know wether you have this particular bit of marketing stupidity elsewhere in the world . Items of food ie chocolate bars , apples , bananas etc advertised as 'Fun Sized' which translates to extremely small.


How in the name of everything holy is a miniscule apple or a microscopic mars bar FUN.


I would like to find the person that thought this bit of idiocy was clever and kick them until they are dead..........now that sounds like fun.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Im sure its just the FUN bit that throws you....

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
Im sure its just the FUN bit that throws you....

Oh Really Mr C......answer your sodding mails :-)

Gorilla Bananas said...

"I seem to have too many arms and legs"

Hmm. Sounds as if you might be a pretty good tree climbler...

Hammer said...

It's probably due to the popularity of halloween.

People got tired of putting big expensive candybars in the trick or treaters bags.

It's fun to cheat little kids by giving them a miniscule piece of chocolate.

Newforestandy said...

I am so glad you go jogging in the early dark hours, although I go home at this time of day, am sure I wont be seeing you running in your bright pink shorts and leg warmers, not a nice thought!

Sorry to hear about the bike, perhaps it may have been taken by someone from R.O.S.P.A who having seeing you ride took it upon themselves to prevent a major road traffic accident. Incidentally have you managed to get your cycling proficiency certificate?

jungle jane said...

Oh my, Beastie! We could be twins! I am a jogging fanatic these past 2 months too - i am just about to run a half marathon, in fact. Which is why i don't have time to blog!

love,
Jungly

PS: is there such a thing as a 'fun sized' anal wart? just wondering, is all....

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
"I seem to have too many arms and legs"

Hmm. Sounds as if you might be a pretty good tree climbler...


GB , iether thator I could get a starring role in Lord of the Dance

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
It's probably due to the popularity of halloween.

People got tired of putting big expensive candybars in the trick or treaters bags.

It's fun to cheat little kids by giving them a miniscule piece of chocolate.


Luckily Trick or Treating is frowned upon as a nasty american import over here , so Ithink its just the marketing industry having a laugh

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
I am so glad you go jogging in the early dark hours, although I go home at this time of day, am sure I wont be seeing you running in your bright pink shorts and leg warmers, not a nice thought!

Sorry to hear about the bike, perhaps it may have been taken by someone from R.O.S.P.A who having seeing you ride took it upon themselves to prevent a major road traffic accident. Incidentally have you managed to get your cycling proficiency certificate?

I think Jungle Jane stole it , she is sniffing the saddle as we speak.....the minx

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
Oh my, Beastie! We could be twins! I am a jogging fanatic these past 2 months too - i am just about to run a half marathon, in fact. Which is why i don't have time to blog!

love,
Jungly

PS: is there such a thing as a 'fun sized' anal wart? just wondering, is all....


Oooooh Jungly , that would mean our moments of snatched pleasure were incest..... does that make you moist????
I think a 2 pound anal wart would be fun , you could paint it with glow in the dark paint and frighten people in dark places

First Nations said...

you could name it 'Bob' and draw a face on it with magic marker. thats what i do.


thats what i WOULD DO. *ahem*

jane, give beast back his bicycle. I knew i said i wouldn't tell but jokes over.

mutleythedog said...

Are you are sure you up to all that jogging and stuff? Do you have a Breakfast Vodka when you get back? How far do you go? How long does it take? Why...??

IN THE OG NAME OF GOD WHY?????

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
you could name it 'Bob' and draw a face on it with magic marker. thats what i do.


thats what i WOULD DO. *ahem*

jane, give beast back his bicycle. I knew i said i wouldn't tell but jokes over.


Remeber an anal wart isnt just for christmas folks !!!
I bet JJ has sold my bike to some Japanese perverts on Ebay by now

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Are you are sure you up to all that jogging and stuff? Do you have a Breakfast Vodka when you get back? How far do you go? How long does it take? Why...??

IN THE OG NAME OF GOD WHY?????


Mr M , I jog to the corner shop to buy a few packets of fags* and a breakfast pie

* Cigarettes for our colonial cousins - not a group of chubby , moustachiod men squeezed into black leather**

** Is that a stereotype??? - Bad undiverse Beast ****Hits self about the head with copy of Diversity for Dummies****

NATEMARE said...

Here's your requested comment....


V V


HA!

jungle jane said...

Beastie is quite welcome to take his stoopid bike back - its virtually undamaged except for a bit of anal wart goo on the saddle...

-eve- said...

*bursts out laughing* I liked that bit about 'fun-sized'. LOL, never noticed it before (which probably shows how effective their marketing is ;-))...

BEAST said...

NATEMARE said...
Here's your requested comment....


V V


HA!


Is this the best the cream of the American education system could come up with ?????

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
Beastie is quite welcome to take his stoopid bike back - its virtually undamaged except for a bit of anal wart goo on the saddle...


Always the lady JJ , I will make a tasteful objet d'art from the goo , it will ofset my pickled heamariod collection a real treat

BEAST said...

-eve- said...
*bursts out laughing* I liked that bit about 'fun-sized'. LOL, never noticed it before (which probably shows how effective their marketing is ;-))...

at last a nice young lady commenting on my blog , I knew it wouldnt be long once I changed me underwear.......the beast is a fanny* magnet and no mistake!

* thats an english front bottom fanny

-eve- said...

LOL! ;-)

Tickersoid said...

Hmmmm....think I'll start telling the ladies my penis isn't small, it's fun sized.

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