Thursday, 13 September 2007

SHOCKING BEHAVIOUR



The Beast being a clean living sort of chap , is often horrified by the 'behind closed doors' goings on reported in certain Sunday Tabloids . Honestly the things ordinary people get up to when they have too much time on their hands.

Well....... last night the Beast had exercised , partaken of a frugal supper and decided to pop out for a fortifying cup of tea with friends who shall remain nameless (Eccentrik , the lovely Clare , Natemare and his mysterious baltic beau Natalia Ripmytopoff - ooops)

As I approached the door to Mr E's delightful country abode , bats flitting about in the gathering gloom , cows lowing in the surrounding fields , discordant sounds of raucus revellery reached the Beasts perfectly formed ears.

With a twinge of trepidation I was about to press the doorbell , when the shrieks and libidinous howlings of laughter reached a crecendo .

I clearly heard the drink slurred voice of Mr E shout

THAT WAS RUBBISH , LET ME HAVE A GO

This was followed by loud ' SNAP

An agonised scream

a loud pain wracked American voice wailed

GOD DAMMIT MR E , YOU MISSED MY ASS

more screeches of laughter , and general drunken debauch.

The Beast decided at this point that discretion being the better part of valour , I would retire to my lonely garret and read some improving tract , possibly Jungle Janes new pamphlet 'Bashing the Bishop - a beginners guide ' ..... I you cant go wrong with a bit of theology, now can you

18 comments:

NATEMARE said...

FIRST I'M YAY

Poetic license my ass.....

A few points to clarify about Beasty's story:
1. He was already in the house.
2. He was laughing as hard as anyone.
3. Towel snapping is only funny "to receive" while drunk in Uni.

BEAST said...

A dreadful distortion of the previously published 'truth' .
We all read The News Of The World , we know what goes on in idyllic Dorset villages once the sun goes down

Frobisher said...

Apparently you can't miss Natemare's ass (or should that be "fanny" in the colonial venacular?)

Have you seen Natemare's fanny?

(you are never too old to receive a towel snap)

Anonymous said...

Ewwwww sound like horse play, i love horse play with or with out the towel... sounds like a cover up for a swingers party we never got invited too frobisher...

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
Apparently you can't miss Natemare's ass (or should that be "fanny" in the colonial venacular?)

Have you seen Natemare's fanny?

(you are never too old to receive a towel snap


Indeed Mr F , it is rather large , I dont buy that 'towel snap' story for a minute

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
Ewwwww sound like horse play, i love horse play with or with out the towel... sounds like a cover up for a swingers party we never got invited too frobisher...
I fear you right Mr C , it was iethr that or a Black Mass/Fertility right .Did I mention the dreadful stench that was wafting around the area , it could best be described as bestial

Newforestandy said...

OOOOOer, a few points i think need clarifying for me!.......

What were the cows lowing in the fields? Were they trained for DIY and using a crane to move things or maybe dug a hole and dropping into it?

The bats.......were they baseball or cricket?

This towel strapping..... is it similar to horse whipping?

I feel that Mr Beast is nowhere near as innocent as he makes out, especially when requiring instuction leaflets to know how to 'Beat the Bishop'

mutleythedog said...

This is all very odd....

Gorilla Bananas said...

I don't approve of doing it with a towel. You can't beat a crisp slap with the fingers. A woman's buttocks are practically designed for it.

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
OOOOOer, a few points i think need clarifying for me!.......

What were the cows lowing in the fields? Were they trained for DIY and using a crane to move things or maybe dug a hole and dropping into it?

The bats.......were they baseball or cricket?

This towel strapping..... is it similar to horse whipping?

I feel that Mr Beast is nowhere near as innocent as he makes out, especially when requiring instuction leaflets to know how to 'Beat the Bishop'


Good Morning Mr NFA , in answer to your questions
1.The cows were attention seeking
2.Flying mice
3.Yes but without the horse
4.I could not understand Jungly Jane's pamphlet , from the illustrations she appears to be strangling a plucked chicken , I am sending it to Mr Frobisher for translation

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
This is all very odd....

Mr M , this is obviously what country folk get up to on those long cold winter evenings.....how they must fly by. I dont surpose they can get television and interweb out in the sticks

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
I don't approve of doing it with a towel. You can't beat a crisp slap with the fingers. A woman's buttocks are practically designed for it.

Mr Bananas . Beastbite is an equal oppertunity slapping site , everyones buttocks should have the oppertunity for a crisp slap regardless of gender , sexual orientation , religiion or species.
Get ready boys , girls and anthropiod apes , The Beast is hot to trot and itching to slap

Anonymous said...

its about right bitch slaps from beasty

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
its about right bitch slaps from beasty

and your first

mutleythedog said...

I am all greased up and ready to go!!

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
I am all greased up and ready to go!!

You have read jungle Janes pamphlet then

Jenny! said...

Arse slapping rules! Bend over Beast...I don't want you to feel left out!

First Nations said...

ok now this is just getting kinky up in here. y'all BEHAVE.

*takes aim at the firm, toned beastbutt*

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