The Beast being a clean living sort of chap , is often horrified by the 'behind closed doors' goings on reported in certain Sunday Tabloids . Honestly the things ordinary people get up to when they have too much time on their hands.
Well....... last night the Beast had exercised , partaken of a frugal supper and decided to pop out for a fortifying cup of tea with friends who shall remain nameless (Eccentrik , the lovely Clare , Natemare and his mysterious baltic beau Natalia Ripmytopoff - ooops)
As I approached the door to Mr E's delightful country abode , bats flitting about in the gathering gloom , cows lowing in the surrounding fields , discordant sounds of raucus revellery reached the Beasts perfectly formed ears.
With a twinge of trepidation I was about to press the doorbell , when the shrieks and libidinous howlings of laughter reached a crecendo .
I clearly heard the drink slurred voice of Mr E shout
THAT WAS RUBBISH , LET ME HAVE A GO
This was followed by loud ' SNAP
An agonised scream
a loud pain wracked American voice wailed
GOD DAMMIT MR E , YOU MISSED MY ASS
more screeches of laughter , and general drunken debauch.
The Beast decided at this point that discretion being the better part of valour , I would retire to my lonely garret and read some improving tract , possibly Jungle Janes new pamphlet 'Bashing the Bishop - a beginners guide ' ..... I you cant go wrong with a bit of theology, now can you