Sunday, 1 February 2009

GASTRO GNOME


I grant you this may look like a dreadful gastric incident , but oh gentle reader , you would be so wrong .
This is the Beasts Famed Onion Marmalade , commissioned exclusively for Dorchester's premiere eating establishment Cafe C.
What the esteemed Mr C does exactly with the onion marmalade is shrouded in mystery , however I can report having to clean a splat of it from the ceiling on my last surprise kitchen clean fest , some whisper of dark satanic rituals , others still remark on Mr C's untamed culinary enthusiasms , I myself am strictly of the opinion that Mr C is a messy bastard....
However I promised Miss First Nations the recipe and here it is .
6 large red onions
2 and 1/2 cups brown sugar
3 cups Balsamic vinegar
20 peppercorns (roughly crushed or limply squashed depending on your mood)
2 chillies
8 bay leaves
1. Peel and thinly slice onions
2.Place in large pan with a good slurp of olive oil and cook till onions are soft
3. Add a bit of the sugar and cook till the onions start to brown
4. Add rest of sugar , vinegar , crushed pepper , chopped chillie and bay leaves
5.Bring to boil and cook at a rolling boil until liquid has almost disappeared (About 30 minutes)
6.By this stage your house will reek of vinegar and onions
7. While you choke on the vinegar fumes , place well washed jars in a low oven for about 20 minutes to sterilise .
8.Jar up and seal your marmalade , will keep about 3 months in the fridge .
9 open all windows and doors for about a week, wash all your clothes , shower about 15 times till vinegary , oniony stench subsides

29 comments:

scarlet-blue said...

It's too cold to open the windows and doors Mr Beastie... I will make it in spring, if that's okay...
Sx

scarlet-blue said...

Btw, the pic looks like an 'after' shot.
Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

With all due respect to your culinary skills, it looks like something my wee doggy might have left in the park this evening.

MJ said...

You're fooling no one.

It's the gents room at Cafe C.

Leah said...

...yum?...

eroswings said...

Or you could just cook it at someone else's house...

The recipe sounds delicious.

CyberPete said...

So that's why Mr. C has you make it.

If I ever am in need of onion marmelade or the glorified poo it looks like I will give you a call.

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
It's too cold to open the windows and doors Mr Beastie... I will make it in spring, if that's okay...

Good plan Miss Scarlet , altho a nice fresh breeze whistling through your knees never did anyone any harm

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
Btw, the pic looks like an 'after' shot.

One can only imagine what it actually looks like 'after'
***shudders***

BEAST said...

Jimmy Bastard said...
With all due respect to your culinary skills, it looks like something my wee doggy might have left in the park this evening.

welcome back Mr Bastard , you may need to adjust your dogs diet if its done something like this

BEAST said...

MJ said...
You're fooling no one.

It's the gents room at Cafe C.

Dont you fancy a dab of this on your panini then Miss MJ

BEAST said...

Leah said...
...yum?...

Yum indeed Miss Leah , it is a culinary masterpeace , even if I do have to say so meself

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Or you could just cook it at someone else's house...

The recipe sounds delicious.

I pulled that one on Ma Beastie at Christmas Mr E , I think she has only just got rid of the smell :-)
It is rather nice served with a goats cheese panini or somesuch continental mularkey

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
So that's why Mr. C has you make it.
Dammit , your probably right I thought is was becuase of my culinary genuise
If I ever am in need of onion marmelade or the glorified poo it looks like I will give you a call.

Just buy it from the supermarket Cyberp :-)

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's the most delicious looking ant chutney I've ever seen. Clever idea to call it 'onion marmalade' for the human market. Could you send a dozen bottles to the Congo?

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
It's the most delicious looking ant chutney I've ever seen. Clever idea to call it 'onion marmalade' for the human market. Could you send a dozen bottles to the Congo?

If your careful to seive the legs and antenna out you can pass it off as anything Mr B , a bucket(Mr Mutleys bucket) full is on its way to you

Daisy said...

the last thing i made which made my house smell undesirable was anise biscotti for my father...he's been dead 9 years and there is still a little smell every now and then...sorry will have to pass this one beast...

BEAST said...

do you reckon the occasional waft of the biscotti is your Dad letting you know he is still about.
Thats how I would like to think of it .
If Mr C pops his clogs hopefully he will spare me the occasional oniony vinegary blast :-)

EmmaK said...

Thank you! I will get on with this. Feeling in a murderous mood today and rather than shooting birds with a BB gun I will enjoy crushing these peppercorns to a pulp!

Lulu LaBonne said...

And where do you spread your relish Mr beast?

Daisy said...

beast i wouldn't doubt it was my papa pulling some prank...knowing i hate the smell...once he put just a drop behind his ear by the cheek i always kissed him on and got the biggest laugh because he knew i had to kiss him hello...and goodbye...he was a true smart ass...

CyberPete said...

You are probably right, I'll just buy it at the supermarket. If they have it. I think it may be an English thing.

BEAST said...

EmmaK said...
Thank you! I will get on with this. Feeling in a murderous mood today and rather than shooting birds with a BB gun I will enjoy crushing these peppercorns to a pulp!

You Go Girl ! give them peppercorns hell

BEAST said...

Lulu LaBonne said...
And where do you spread your relish Mr beast?

On whatever requires it Miss La Bonne

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast i wouldn't doubt it was my papa pulling some prank...knowing i hate the smell...once he put just a drop behind his ear by the cheek i always kissed him on and got the biggest laugh because he knew i had to kiss him hello...and goodbye...he was a true smart ass...

He He , I will have to try the onion marmalade behind the ears then :-)

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
You are probably right, I'll just buy it at the supermarket. If they have it. I think it may be an English thing.

Its also used a fair bit in the med countries CP , its a favourite tapas dish with a baked cheese like brie

Daisy said...

you are bringing back memories beast...
whenever any woman would ask my papa what he had on (regarding his cologne) he would say (with a small smile) well i have a hardon but i didn't know you could smell it...
you learned very quickly to never ask the question...and he never told his cologne...

CyberPete said...

Interesting...

I like the Brie.

Pearl said...

You know, from the ingredients, I'd actually try that.
Pearl

About Me

My photo
Doing Other Stuff for a while.Mail /MSN messenger on beastch@hotmail.co.uk...COME AND SAY HELLO GO ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO