I grant you this may look like a dreadful gastric incident , but oh gentle reader , you would be so wrong .
This is the Beasts Famed Onion Marmalade , commissioned exclusively for Dorchester's premiere eating establishment Cafe C.
What the esteemed Mr C does exactly with the onion marmalade is shrouded in mystery , however I can report having to clean a splat of it from the ceiling on my last surprise kitchen clean fest , some whisper of dark satanic rituals , others still remark on Mr C's untamed culinary enthusiasms , I myself am strictly of the opinion that Mr C is a messy bastard....
However I promised Miss First Nations the recipe and here it is .
6 large red onions
2 and 1/2 cups brown sugar
3 cups Balsamic vinegar
20 peppercorns (roughly crushed or limply squashed depending on your mood)
8 bay leaves
1. Peel and thinly slice onions
2.Place in large pan with a good slurp of olive oil and cook till onions are soft
3. Add a bit of the sugar and cook till the onions start to brown
4. Add rest of sugar , vinegar , crushed pepper , chopped chillie and bay leaves
5.Bring to boil and cook at a rolling boil until liquid has almost disappeared (About 30 minutes)
6.By this stage your house will reek of vinegar and onions
7. While you choke on the vinegar fumes , place well washed jars in a low oven for about 20 minutes to sterilise .
8.Jar up and seal your marmalade , will keep about 3 months in the fridge .
9 open all windows and doors for about a week, wash all your clothes , shower about 15 times till vinegary , oniony stench subsides