Tuesday, 7 October 2008

I SWIFT KICK IN THE BALEARICS

Mr C is off to the jewel of the Balearic Islands , Europe's number 1 holiday hot spot .The Majestic Majorca.
The staff at the Exclusive resort are patiently waiting to help Mr C with 5 days of 'relaxation and rest'






a little swimming perhaps






Sunbathing with friends :-)










and a cocktail or two served by the sophisticated staff in the exclusive Benidorm lounge

















Happy Holidays Mr C
PS. You don't have to trouble yourself with masses of presents ,something small yet expensive will suffice! Mr Gucci and Mr Prada seldom offend.



I will be spending the 5 days looking after Mr C's lovely (if spirited , some would say vicious) dogs Alfie and Lloyd . They are both hunting breeds and require a good deal of bothersome daily exercise . If I trick Frobisher into meeting me in the Avon Heath country park and surreptitiously slip a few ripe pork chops into his hoody, as I 'accidentally' release the unfed dogs . Frobisher could get a bit of much needed exercise for both him and the hounds . If I am feeling charitable I may take the tranquiliser gun.
This wizard wheeze will obviously only work the once ,so I have the Gaskins lined up for the next evening and am grooming Natemare for the next.
Who said aerobic exercise has to be boring

49 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I suggest you keep the dogs sedated for the duration of Mr C's vacation and chase Frobisher yourself with a cattle prod. That way you both get some much needed exercise.

Daisy said...

beast you had me smiling endearingly...btw i am bringing a small gift with me for you from an admirer should you come to london the night we are to all meet...should be interesting...

are you tempted yet?

UBERMOUTH said...

If Beast doesn't come- I'll have his gift-unless , it's bloody silk boxer shorts.:)

I will email you my list, Daisy. :)

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
I suggest you keep the dogs sedated for the duration of Mr C's vacation and chase Frobisher yourself with a cattle prod. That way you both get some much needed exercise.

All that Fresh air and exercise Mr B , it would be selfish of me to deprive Frobisher and the hounds of such simple pleasures

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast you had me smiling endearingly...btw i am bringing a small gift with me for you from an admirer should you come to london the night we are to all meet...should be interesting...

are you tempted yet?

Miss Daisy , I fully intend coming to visit in London , failing some ghastly work emergency (Which is a pretty remote chance :-) ) . If only that were true the Beast doesnt tend to attract admirers ....unless you count the ones throwing stones

BEAST said...

UBERMOUTH said...
If Beast doesn't come- I'll have his gift-unless , it's bloody silk boxer shorts.:)

I will email you my list, Daisy. :)

Typical , the sniff of presents and up pops Uber.....where you been old girl ???

Daisy said...

uber...the boxers were for mutley...he is wearing them...

beast...i don't think stone throwing was on the agenda but i will check again, just for you :)

Anonymous said...

is it a wind chime!

scarlet-blue said...

I think it quite cruel that you would consider using a tranquilizer gun on poor Mr Frobisher . . . he is obviously in need of kindness and understanding, such as Gillian Mckeith might provide.
Sx

MJ said...

Avon Heath country park...

Is that the local dogging spot?

INNER VOICES said...

it must be world wide a "bosses take a week off" week...

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
is it a wind chime!
You are obsessed with wind chimes Mr C . I think its a supressed urge to wear big Pat Butcher earings

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
I think it quite cruel that you would consider using a tranquilizer gun on poor Mr Frobisher . . . he is obviously in need of kindness and understanding, such as Gillian Mckeith might provide.
Mr Frobisher is no stanger to being tranquilised Miss Scarlet , some would concider it a kindness , he is seldom without pain , as he is always reminding us

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Avon Heath country park...

Is that the local dogging spot?

It is Miss MJ , so you have to be quick on your feet to avoid embarrassing mis understandings , still I could leave the tranquilised Frobisher as a diversion

BEAST said...

INNER VOICES said...
it must be world wide a "bosses take a week off" week...

You know what these fat cat executives are like Mr Voices , life is one long vacation

MJ said...

What are the damages so far to household furnishings and personal belongings?

Did Mr C leave any chew toys with you?

BEAST said...

MJ said...
What are the damages so far to household furnishings and personal belongings?

Did Mr C leave any chew toys with you
I dont get the dogs till tomorrow , and no need for the toys , Lloyd usually fishes my undies out of the laundry basket and chews them

KAZ said...

I have seen these beasts over at mj's place.
Suggest you phone dogs' borstal immediately and get Frobi admitted for his own safety!

MJ said...

GAH!

MJ said...

I've had a surprise visit from Mr. C and I'm oddly titillated.

I think he meant to leave the comment on my current post but instead it's on my "What Should I Cock?" post.

He must have been overcome by excitement himself and taken a wrong turn.

Tickersoid said...

Thoughtfull Beast.

eroswings said...

How very kind of you take in the two pets. But who's running the cafe while the boss is away? The feisty foreign woman?

UBERMOUTH said...

Hahaha Beast......I have been unwrapping the mounds of presents from my 'adoring fans'...but I've run out, so thought I would scrounge around here.

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
I have seen these beasts over at mj's place.
Suggest you phone dogs' borstal immediately and get Frobi admitted for his own safety!

KAZ I doubt Frobisher has had his shots ,and who could deny poor little Alfie and Lloyd such simple pleasures

BEAST said...

MJ said...
GAH!
Its Ok Miss MJ you get your go of chewing the Beasts pants when Lloyd has finished


MJ said...
I've had a surprise visit from Mr. C and I'm oddly titillated.
You will have to fight Miss First Nations for him

I think he meant to leave the comment on my current post but instead it's on my "What Should I Cock?" post.

He must have been overcome by excitement himself and taken a wrong turn.

Who knows Miss Mj Mr C moves in mysterious ways

BEAST said...

Tickersoid said...
Thoughtfull Beast.

I am all heart Mr Ticks . Taking Frobisher out for an airing is like care in the community and the dogs love having something warm and squealing to play with

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
How very kind of you take in the two pets. But who's running the cafe while the boss is away? The feisty foreign woman?

The boys love their old Beasty (Despite what Mr C says ) .Yes the cafe is being run by Frualien Grimm , who Frobisher reckons was thrown out of the Waffen SS for unacceptable behaviour

BEAST said...

UBERMOUTH said...
Hahaha Beast......I have been unwrapping the mounds of presents from my 'adoring fans'...but I've run out, so thought I would scrounge around here.

I have two dogs going begging ???

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Perhaps you could release the dogs into Cafe C, that way, either Fraulein Grimm or the dogs would get their comeuppance. Possibly both!

DONN COPPENS said...

HAHAHAHA!
That was hilarious. Picture perfect.

I'm certain that Mr. C will be impressed by their attention to detail in securing a zen-like experience that will last a lunchtime.

mutleythedog said...

Kill the dogs and replace them with robot dogs from Japan. Thats my idea. Mr C is quite fat isn't he?

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

I like your style - working smarter, not harder. Although, hard work doesn't seem to be very popular in the Empire.

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
Perhaps you could release the dogs into Cafe C, that way, either Fraulein Grimm or the dogs would get their comeuppance. Possibly both!
IVD what if they join forces ??? poland will surely fall

BEAST said...

DONN COPPENS said...
HAHAHAHA!
That was hilarious. Picture perfect.

I'm certain that Mr. C will be impressed by their attention to detail in securing a zen-like experience that will last a lunchtime.
Its going to get messy Donn

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Kill the dogs and replace them with robot dogs from Japan. Thats my idea. Mr C is quite fat isn't he?
How could you suggest such a thing ..... well two thing dogracide and suggesting Mr C is less than silphlike
tsk tsk

BEAST said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BEAST said...

Champ Said
I like your style - working smarter, not harder. Although, hard work doesn't seem to be very popular in the Empire.
Champ .After conquering most of the known world we feel we deserve a rest :-) . I am sure we will rouse ourselves at some point and sort out the mess.
In the meantime , more tea anyone??

Shelly Rayedeane said...

I want a fat person at my house to open my beer bottles.

Perhaps a fat midget so I wouldn't have to get off of the couch.

inkspot said...

I am so glad those photos don't get any bigger when you click them. We live in a society that is altogether too visual.

Perhaps, while Mr C is away, you could be induced to betray some of his recipes? For example, that for his justly famed Beetroot Chantilly du Duc. I could, and would, reciprocate with my near-irreproducible Stewed Mongoose a la Chinoise.

BEAST said...

Shelly Rayedeane said...
I want a fat person at my house to open my beer bottles.

Perhaps a fat midget so I wouldn't have to get off of the couch.
expensive to feed Miss Shelly , I think an anorexic would be more cost effective , altho they may not have the strength to get the top off the beer :-(

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
I am so glad those photos don't get any bigger when you click them. We live in a society that is altogether too visual.
we Note you obviously tried to clickety-click Inspot old thing

Perhaps, while Mr C is away, you could be induced to betray some of his recipes? For example, that for his justly famed Beetroot Chantilly du Duc. I could, and would, reciprocate with my near-irreproducible Stewed Mongoose a la Chinoise.
I have been forced to sign a confidentiality agreement before I was even allowed to wash one dish , and must endure my kitchen bitch shift blindfolded , as its Mr C's opinion that I may be kidnapped by the wicked 'Billy the Fish' proprietor of Flash Bastards Eatery and forced to reveal Cafe C's epicurious secrets . Sadly my lips are sealed

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Maybe I'll just purchase a fat midget, starve the motherfucker, and hope by the time he gets skinny his belly button hole is calloused enough to get the job done.

BEAST said...

Shelly , have you concidered a career in Human Resources ?? I feel your caring zietgeist could take you to the very top :-)

CyberPete said...

I wouldn't mind going to sunny Spain. Having seen the photos Frobi posted.

Yours were a tad disturbing.

inkspot said...

What confidentiality agreement? I've just found your post giving the recipe for salad cream. You big ... well big I don't know what.

I was going to reveal, in a spirit of generosity, the key to the roux for stewed mongoose.

BEAST said...

CyberPete said...
I wouldn't mind going to sunny Spain. Having seen the photos Frobi posted.

Yours were a tad disturbing
I show you the truth Cyberpoof , its a dangerous world out there :-)

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
What confidentiality agreement? I've just found your post giving the recipe for salad cream. You big ... well big I don't know what.

I was going to reveal, in a spirit of generosity, the key to the roux for stewed mongoose.

Inky old bean The salad cream was an interweb recipe i knicked , I am however not allowed to reveal the propriety culinary secrets of Cafe C as you can imagine there is a great deal of interest in the secret ingredients that give the unique flavour to Mr C's infamous Roadkill Veronique or First Nations guest appetizer for Bomblast Burrito's. Its a dog eat dog world in Dorchesters Cafe district

The Old Tarf said...

Feed the tax man to the Dogs. He be nice and chewy.

I am always pleasantly surprised as to the depths you sink too. To bring a smile to our cheerful faces.

Thank you

BEAST said...

Tarf , well thank you for the kind comment :-)

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