GOING TO THE DOGS

As we know Mr C's dogs Alfie and Lloyd have been staying with their beloved Beast while Mr C swanned about in the med. Alfie was a real gent as befits his regal lineage , The little thug Lloyd however was more of a handful . By day two Lloyd had decided it was my fault his dad had abandoned him , so was making a big show of sulking , and had chosen the Swivel Chair of Judgement to demonstrate his ire. Lloyd has worked out that if he stands on the chair and does a sort of doggy hula dance , he can get the chair to swivel round. So Saturday morning , he got in the chair and hula'd it very pointedly (It squeaks when he hula's) to face the corner.


Fig 1.Chair in the non judgemental position






















Fig 2 . Chair hula'd into the 'cold shoulder' position

Lloyd stayed in the 'cold Shoulder' position all day (Until dinner was served) and made little piggy snorts of derision every time I walked past. He did occasionally hula the chair round to balefully glare at me , stick his nose in the air with a scathing snort and hula back again.

I would like to say I didn't care but being viciously snubbed by mans best friend cuts one to the quick.

Anyways a couple of days later as peace and harmony had returned to the Beastial Dog Basket , I decided to treat the dogs to some posh dinner rather than the usual vile fare of Tesco Value 'Meaty' Chunks (Which smells like shite and looks worse). So I splashed out on Tesco's premier Beef chunks in a rich gravy . It looked and smelled good enough to make a pie with and the dogs lapped it up.

It was a little past midnight that the first signs of trouble began to manifest themselves . The Beast was rudely awoken in a cold sweat with ghastly gastric gurglings and rectal trumpetings

coming from the darkened corner where little lloyd was sleeping . I think the dreadful fumes must have knocked me out as I was rattled awake again at 3 am with lloyd frantically bouncing up and down on my bed in an increasingly desperate attempt to wake a slumbering Beast

'gedupgedupgedupgedup I need TO GO TO THE TOILET NOW '

I dragged meself from the warm embrace of my duvet and staggered downstairs with a puckered lloyd and opened the garden door and had to wait in the chilly dark with the most shocking evacuation noises wafting from the darkened garden. It was with some trepidation I peered into the garden as I got ready for work as dawn broke.

Enshrined in the middle of the decorative gravel , was THE most enormous poo . No wonder a plainly exhausted Lloyd was slumbering on the sofa . I was going to take a picture of this gastric wonder ,but with the sensibilities of my delicate readershipin mind I felt just a general Idea would be more appropriate.

It looked like the contents of this cone.....only enormous and an evil brown colour :-).

Wizened poo gnome Dr Gillian McKieth would have had an orgasm if she had got a poke at this beauty