Tuesday, 2 February 2010

AMBUSHED

During a busy lunch shift on Saturday , one of the girls popped down , peeped round the kitchen door , and asked very sweetly if their adored old Beast could make herself and her sister a  Chillie Chicken wrap , as It was their very favourite and I made the best ones EVER.
Obviously I was being buttered up in the most shameless manner , but any child who doesnt learn this skill at an early age deserves to go hungry in my book.A little smarm goes a long way , even a old cumudgeon like Beast had to grumpily surrender to this infantile charm offensive.
Wraps made , plates dutifully dressed , Beast set off up the narrow staircase to Mr C's  flat above Cafe C , half way up I had to manouver round a lethally placed dog bowl on one of the steps , holding one plate aloft  , the other by my side , twisting and teetering like a demented flamenco dancer ,  muttering dark oaths about idiots leaving stuff on dark  narrow stairs , where any  reasonable chap could fall and break his neck , etc etc .
Too late I realised my error , the little swine Lloyd (Mr C's brindle staffy) was waiting , hidden , behind the landing rail .He shot out and snatched the wrap off the 'held aloft' plate and scarpered ,  leaving a trail of chillie chicken and mixed salad in his wake .
I am furious that I was ambushed  by the canine fiend  , and am convinced the whole bowl on the stairs mularkey was a carefully planned set up by a calculating criminal mastermind .
In other News , on Saturday night we had our first Cafe C fight .
You know how it is in any small town , posturing twenty something young men  , limited supply of attractive young women, add  drink ,Crap Bingo with Mavis , the heady aroma of Beasts chocolate fountain and a full moon to the swirling cloud of hormones and you have a powder keg waiting to blow.
The perpertrators were swiftly seperated  by an enraged Mr C and frogmarched straight out the door and  given a classic  dressing down . You have let me down , worst of all let yourselves down and spoiled everyones evening (Especially the birthday girl who ended up with a full glass of red wine tipped iinto her ample cleavage) etc etc ,following a verbal mauling they were eventually sent skulking off into the night under the baleful glare of mine host....Bless.

21 comments:

Frobisher said...

limited supply of attractive young women - I wouldn't have it any other way Beast!

First!

BEAST said...

Thats the spirit Mr F , The Baby Jesus loves an optimist :-)

MJ said...

Why let a bosom full of red wine go to waste, I ask?

Come and get it, boys!

BEAST said...

Thats the spirit Miss MJ , The Baby Jesus loves an optimist :-)

Scarlet Blue said...

What's all this baby Jesus malarky?!
Sx

inkspot said...

Twenty something young men means twenty nine of them at most, the attractive young women must have to make a special effort. I wouldn't advise blagging chicken wraps as part of that strategy, no wonder you were annoyed.

BEAST said...

Scarlet Blue said...
What's all this baby Jesus malarky?!
Mr c has told me the baby Jesus watches every thing I do in the cafe C kitchen(I think he is hiding in the microwave on the left) and reports every single transgression to his representative on earth Mr C , and since this usually results in much smiting of poor Beast I am erring on the side of caution on this one

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
Twenty something young men means twenty nine of them at most, the attractive young women must have to make a special effort. I wouldn't advise blagging chicken wraps as part of that strategy, no wonder you were annoyed.

once again for the hard of hearing and the infirm......TWENTY SOMETHING AS IN AGE....altho there was about 29 of them , but thats not pertinent to the general thrust of the narrative , but thrusting possibly was pertinent
I dont know
I have totaly lost the plot

MJ said...

He’s watching you from a piece of toast.

BEAST said...

Thankfully it wasn't cake , a flatulent infant deity would be too much to bear

Inexplicable DeVice said...

"the heady aroma of Beasts chocolate fountain" I truly hope this isn't an horrific euphemism of some kind?

BEAST said...

Ewwwwww
This isnt infomaniac you know

KAZ said...

Wasn't Mr C generous to give those bad boys a classic dressing gown.
Method in his madness though - you can't really fight dirty when thus attired.

eroswings said...

What a conniving dog that Lloyd is! Setting up an ambush like that.

Well, at least no one was seriously injured in the scuffle.

So long as you're not required to change the diapers of the Baby Jesus, it should be fine. And some potato salad would go nicely with a Barbecued Baby Back Jesus ribs--he did say to eat him.

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
Wasn't Mr C generous to give those bad boys a classic dressing gown.
Method in his madness though - you can't really fight dirty when thus attired.

***Beast gives up entirely***
Oh yes if towelling dressing downs were air dropped on Afghanistan we wouldn't be in the mess we are today

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
What a conniving dog that Lloyd is! Setting up an ambush like that.
Its a sad indictment that I am outwitted by Lloyd :-(

Well, at least no one was seriously injured in the scuffle.
I think the chap that got head butted would probably dispute that :-)

So long as you're not required to change the diapers of the Baby Jesus, it should be fine. And some potato salad would go nicely with a Barbecued Baby Back Jesus ribs--he did say to eat him.
I have yet to see the Baby Jesus but I am assured he is there watching my every move , I think he may be on a shift pattern with First Nations favourite airborne deity the Holy infant of Bucharest

MJ said...

Brrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaapppp

MJ said...

BRRRAAAAPPP!!!

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Brrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaapppp

BRRRAAAAPPP!!!

***Liberally sprays Febreze and Ignores Miss MJ's attention seeking flatulence***

mutleythedog said...

Most dogs actually are cleverer than you Mr B. Don't worry about it as it makes no odds.

Anonymous said...

awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks. lina holzbauer

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