Tuesday, 26 January 2010

EXIT STAGE LEFT



Another exciting week  at Cafe C , a big old thespian (don't get over excited its not a mis spelling this post contains no girl on girl action) approached Mr C with a proposition for booking Cafe C for three nights for performances of an exciting new play featuring an internationally aclaimed cast of seasoned actors , there was wild talk of 50 punters per performance plus additional matinees all lapping up the culture and comestibles of Cafe C's .
Ever the cynic Mr C had already cut through the hyperbole and  assumed the 'Internationally aclaimed cast' meant a load of out of work cruise ship hoofers , and that the advertising of a  play  that was being touted as 'a feel good  light hearted comedy about aids' may take a smidgeon of finessing.
Too prove her self proclaimed comedic genuise and oscar winning writing skills to a increasingly dubious Mr C , the writer/director of this masterpeice would perform a stand up spot to open Saturday nights Caberet Nite.

Saturday arrived and following numerous diva like telephone calls our Prima Donna arrived and proceeded to demand various props to ensure a set of such hilarity we would not have a dry seat in the house. Apparently a pot of tea placed on a table on stage is comic gold ......
There is no polite way of saying this but her act was unutterable shite . You and I would be hard pushed to sit and write material that was so dull and utterley unfunny . Within ten minutes Mr C was almost having an embelism and the audience was turning nasty . It was highly likely we were about to have a lynching on our hands . Mr C leapt into action and tasked Beast of hunting down Frobisher and getting him dressed and on stage for an emergency 'Crap Bingo with Mavis' intervention.
I found a half cut Frobisher stumbling about in the garden , rushed him upstairs to change .There ensued a farcical 2 minute make over , as Frobi stumbled about trying to get into panty hose and a dress , James's squealing girls slapped make up on his face and myself and James ran about the house trying to retrieve the wig from Lloyd the staffies jaws




You can imagine the state of 'Mavis' when 5 minutes later, he stormed the stage .











If there are lessons to be learned from all this dear reader its dont attempt to put on panty hose in a hurry if your drunk .
Don't allow 8 year olds to do your makeup.
Dogs and wigs don't mix.

Frobisher set was of course a triumph and rumours of him being booed off stage are wildly exagerated.

The upshot of all these shenanigans is the play is no more
I believe the phrase 'You must be F*cking Joking' featured in spirit if not form.
Mr C informs me he is now off to have an motivational pep talk with his staff




Oh dear!

19 comments:

MJ said...

dont attempt to put on panty hose in a hurry if your drunk .

I can remove my tights, whilst drunk, at warp speed.

BEAST said...

Flatulence is a terrible affliction Miss MJ

inkspot said...

Well how about some girl on girl in your next post Beast? Go on, release the inner lesbian.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Perhaps that is what looked bizarre when I watched that porno movie today.

The chick looked like her makeup had been put on by an 8 year old!

eroswings said...

Always have a back up plan!

Next time, audition the crazies before giving them a time slot!

Or let the mob have the lynching--audience participation is fun and engaging!

Scarlet Blue said...

Is she the same thesp who was in the heartwarming family drama about hanging?
Sx

BEAST said...

inkspot said...
Well how about some girl on girl in your next post Beast? Go on, release the inner lesbian.

Releasing the inner lesbian may be exciting Inky , but how do you get it back in again

BEAST said...

Shelly Rayedeane said...
Perhaps that is what looked bizarre when I watched that porno movie today.

The chick looked like her makeup had been put on by an 8 year old!

Its not a good look is it Shelley :-(

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Always have a back up plan!
Indeed , its the ony way

Next time, audition the crazies before giving them a time slot!
This was much more fun

Or let the mob have the lynching--audience participation is fun and engaging!

But somene has to clean up the mess......usually me

BEAST said...

Scarlet Blue said...
Is she the same thesp who was in the heartwarming family drama about hanging?
Blimey , that sounds like a crowd pleaser Miss Scarlet

Princess said...

Seems like it was just another eventfull and entertaining night at Cafe C. So glad that Mr Frobi could step into the breech on sutch short notice

BEAST said...

Poor Frobisher was rather thrown in than stepped :-)

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I've always liked the word 'comestible', so I'm glad you've used it with such aplomb here.

KAZ said...

Everything I read here tells me that Mr C is over ambitious.
He should nurture the talent he already has - like Frobi/Mavis.
A genuine trooper if ever I saw one.

mutleythedog said...

It all sounds quite as dreadful as usual and to cap it Mr F will be full of himself 'saviour of the day blah'! I am thinking of dropping Friday night all together and meeting at the 'Pool Party' with the weed. How does that sound?

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
I've always liked the word 'comestible', so I'm glad you've used it with such aplomb here.

You only like it becuase it sounds vaguely smutty :-)

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
Everything I read here tells me that Mr C is over ambitious.
He should nurture the talent he already has - like Frobi/Mavis.
A genuine trooper if ever I saw one.

One has to keep the Frobishers of this world off balance by employing otehr performers , otherwise it encourages their Diva like behaviour , before you know it one will have to supply boxes of whit kittens and hot and cold running assistants before they will even concider going on stage

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
It all sounds quite as dreadful as usual and to cap it Mr F will be full of himself 'saviour of the day blah'! I am thinking of dropping Friday night all together and meeting at the 'Pool Party' with the weed. How does that sound?

Maybe we could palm Mr F off on Mu Tai , I am sure she could benefit from a bit of 'entertainment' , I am not attending the pool party after that ghastly floater episode last time

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