Thursday, 17 July 2008

WHAT I DONE THIS WEEK , BY BEAST


I have had a varied week so far , work has been quite busy , and then I was summoned for a 'galley slave' shift in the kitchens of Cafe C , toiling under (o'er) head Chef Mr C.





The 'Galley slave' job spec is general service prep , preparing salad stuff , veg and garnish(pictured left Beast preparing fresh local produce 'a little road kill goes a long way) , washing up etc etc .Once service starts its a bit like being a operating theatre nurse to Mr C's star surgical consultant . I am there to produce the required crockery , implements , food stuffs , garnish , vegetables etc etc immediatley on his barked commands
"TONGS , Dont stand there gawping , now means NOW , I don't pay you to think Beast" he snaps as Beast tugs his forelock proffering Mr C's special gold plated vegetable tongs , pausing briefly to mop the star performers brow as he sweats decorously with the effort of creating his culinary masterpieces.
As soon as the last meal exits the kitchen , Mr C majestically sweeps out , with a 'dismissive clean this place up Beast , its a mess' , leaving me with the washing up , kitchen clean down , more washing up , floor mopping , even more washing up (You get the picture ,washing up features very heavily)


Frobisher was working front of house and had dressed to impress , cutting a dashing figure , gliding about the restaurant , dispensing drinks and the occasional lap dance for Cafe C's discerning patrons(A party of caterwauling ,libidinous menopausal schoolteachers). He was visible flagging towards the end of service having to drag around underpants filled with loose change .'Tips for a five star service' he haughtily wheezes , jiggling his undies.... the Beast cant help noticing the Wages of Sin play havoc with ones nicker elastic !





Next evening I had booked a shoulder re adjustment with 'crusher' Phil , who seems to enjoy the inflicting of pain a little too much .He cheerily informs me that the next procedure may be a little uncomfortable and then chortles loudly when he invokes a muffle scream of pain followed by much cursing from the poor Beast.

A bruised and broken Beast is now 'resting' for a couple of days , at least until I get full use of my arm back :-)

23 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think you should go there as a customer to get your own back. I am assuming they wouldn't be so low as to spit in your soup. Well, you could make Frobisher taste it first.

INNER VOICES said...

a back adjustment!?!? sounds so nice... i'll have to be gettin one of them soon myself....

Hammer said...

I would be putting laxative in the soup...passive agressive is the way to get back at a tyrant :)

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think you should go there as a customer to get your own back. I am assuming they wouldn't be so low as to spit in your soup. Well, you could make Frobisher taste it first.
I have dined in splendour as a client Mr B and very nice it was too

BEAST said...

INNER VOICES said...
a back adjustment!?!? sounds so nice... i'll have to be gettin one of them soon myself....
It was a shoulder adjustment Mr Voices , which is altogether more unpleasant , pull the wing of a cooked chicken and you will see what I mean

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
I would be putting laxative in the soup...passive agressive is the way to get back at a tyrant :)
In this scenario Mr C is not a tyrant , you have to view it like a film . Mr , C is the above the title talent , and poor Beast is an extra straight from central casting. I am the equivalent of the blundering spanish soldier in a pirate moveis that is the first to spot the attacking pirates while having a crafty fag beak , blunders around dropping his musket and shouting rhubarb and is the first to get skewered on the flashing blade of the leading talent.
I know my place :-)

MJ said...

Is it your wanking arm that's worn out?

Letty Cruz said...

THE SWEDISH CHEF!!! LOVELOVELOVE!!!!!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Still, at least with your 'resting' you won't be called upon by Mr C for more kitchen slavery.

Or will you?

P.S. Was any of the change in Frobi's knickers of a larger denomination than a 10p piece?

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Is it your wanking arm that's worn out?
I am ambidextrous

BEAST said...

Letty Cruz said...
THE SWEDISH CHEF!!! LOVELOVELOVE!!!!!

Be Careful Miss Letty , you will have to fight Miss First Nations , if she hasn't run off with a marrow

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
Still, at least with your 'resting' you won't be called upon by Mr C for more kitchen slavery.

Or will you?

P.S. Was any of the change in Frobi's knickers of a larger denomination than a 10p piece?
I am only dragged in as a last resort Mr IVD , probably a reflection on my kitchen skills :-(

It sounded like the church bells when Mr Frobisher gingerly slinked accros the restaurant , I think half the cutlery was down there

Frobisher said...

Sorry, I forgot to share the tips with the "behind scenes" staff :-)

Have you got the hang of the microwave yet?

*glides out to the door to greet customers*

BEAST said...

Frobisher . I was happy with a stale old baguette and the pick of the pigswill ....Tips are wasted on the likes of me , I would only squander the money on food and electric and stuff when most right minded citizens would use it to buy drink and recreational drugs.
How did Mr C manage to get the worlds most complicated Microwave.You require a frigging degree in Astro Physics to defrost something

Anonymous said...

START AND STOP.. you silly cunt!! the key is to press the right button dear... the only time frobishers front of house is when i wont to clear the place!

Anonymous said...

DRUGS WHATS THAT THEN.. YAWNS

BEAST said...

Mr C . Get outa here , the frigging things are bristling with knobs , buttons and flashing lights.

Leah said...

Kitchen service sounds like a caged death match!!!

MJ said...

I should have thought that twiddling knobs would come easily to you.

BEAST said...

Leah said...
Kitchen service sounds like a caged death match!!!
Caged death match with salad garnish and fresh seasonal veg.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
I should have thought that twiddling knobs would come easily to you.
Pots and kettles Miss MJ !!!

Letty Cruz said...

BEAST said...

Be Careful Miss Letty , you will have to fight Miss First Nations , if she hasn't run off with a marrow

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

PFFT! I'll dispatch her with the same quickness of my compadres in THIS Swedish Chef clip:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DS-ya2AGLOM

Liz said...

You do lead a busy life.

If F finds a solution ot the loose knicker elastic problem, please pass it on to me. Thank you.

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