As I floated down the office this morning , someone had laid out a tray of big juicy jam(jelly for our heathen American cousins) donuts . They were enticing me with their greasy sugary lovelyness , crooning their calorific siren song. So as no one was about , and to steal a march on all the other greedy bastards , I trousered one pretty sharpish and scuttled off to my desk. I then to my horror saw Eric and Natemare returning from the coffee shop so I had to unhinge my jaw and bolt the damn thing in one go. I thought my look of innocence would carry it off , but sadly my sugar and jam besplattered countenance were my undoing .
Natemare gave me a beady look and asked very loudly if I had just pinched a donut.
I could see my chance of a second 'public' donut slipping thru my fingers , I off course blustered and lied ,
How dare you......my body is a temple , blah , blah etc etc.
Eric spotting my obvious duplicity told me The Baby Jesus would know if I had lied .....AND WOULD MAKE ME PAY.
Piffle I thought. and sauntered off all fake wounded innocence to our new smoking shelter. Conveniently situated up a steep slope 200 yards from the building.
No sooner had I got there , than the sky blackened , fork lightening started to sizzle all around , and belicose rumbles of thunder reverberated in the air. Within a minute the most amazingly violent hail storm battered our little smokers wendy house . Beast cowering at the communal ashtray begging forgiveness , and promising to sacrifice the fat girl in the corner who had obviously been pinching more donuts than me.
With a parting shot of ' Your donut snaffling days are over Lardass.....Repent or boil in you own body fat' I skidded off down the ice packed slope , battered by the the boiling tempest all the way.
I now repent and on Frobishers life will never tell another donut related lie again (dont make any long term plans Mr F :-) )