Friday, 16 November 2007

ALL TOO MUCH FOR A WHITE BOY


The Beast is having a tantrum.
What is it with fecking duvets......... why do I have so much trouble trying to stuff my duvet into its tasteful cover (pictured left).
It should be quite a simple opperation get square duvet into square cotton bag . Put top corners into place ease the bag down while holding corners , ease in bottom corners and bobs your uncle.
Its like putting on a condom (ok with added corners and a flabby member but the theory is the same) however we should all be proficient in that particular skill by now.
But no , the duvet manages to tie itself in a granny knot , or I end up inside the cover and the duvet doesnt.
I suspect a femenist/european union conspiracy .
Does anyone still use blankets.?
The Beast is going to make a few predictions of peoples bedding preferences
Frobisher - Ben Cohen Duvet set
Piggy and Tazzy - pink brushed nylon , matching valance , curtains and sink skirt.
First Nations - Animal Pelts/Human scalps (trapped , skinned and hand cured by FN herself)
Jungle Jane - Black Silk (of course)
Mutley - Power rangers Duvet set
Champ - A blanket knitted by his adoring army of female fans from his shed body hair.
MJ - something in sateen effect polyester..... with girly frills and matching throw cushions.
Daisy and Pinky probably have something classy in egyptian cotton.
Hitch i suspect is a good old fashioned sheet and blankets man

37 comments:

Lippy said...

You must be wrong about Pig and Taz - otherwise the static electricity generated from the friction would have killed them! Either that or they are in line to be hooked up to the national grid as the replacement for all of the nuclear power stations.

And what you do is - have the duvet cover inside out ; hold the top corners of the duvet to the top corners of the cover, turn the cover right side out and voila!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Beast, you've got to get inside that cotton cover so you can see exactly what the duvet's position is and force it into the right shape. Or grow a lot of body hair so you don't need duvets or blankets.

MJ said...

Piggy and Tazzy have a Hello Kitty-themed bedroom.

Anonymous said...

WELL IT JUST GETS WORSE.. FUCKING DULL CUNT....

Newforestandy said...

We never have any problems with the duvet cover here, still i guess its all the years of practise!

Am glad you havent described my duvet!

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Lippy is right.

MJ is wrong.

I'm saying nothing else.

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
You must be wrong about Pig and Taz - otherwise the static electricity generated from the friction would have killed them! Either that or they are in line to be hooked up to the national grid as the replacement for all of the nuclear power stations.

And what you do is - have the duvet cover inside out ; hold the top corners of the duvet to the top corners of the cover, turn the cover right side out and voila!

Bah...... this is a recipe for disaster :-(

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
Beast, you've got to get inside that cotton cover so you can see exactly what the duvet's position is and force it into the right shape. Or grow a lot of body hair so you don't need duvets or blankets.

Thank you Mr B common sense at last , my next post will be from inside the duvet cover , I unfortunatly dont have any control over my body hair , so thats not an option...... maybe the champ could lend me some

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Piggy and Tazzy have a Hello Kitty-themed bedroom.

MJ I always suspected as much , that or Malibu Barbi

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
WELL IT JUST GETS WORSE..

I know Mr C it must be dreadful

FUCKING DULL CUNT....

Your not that bad , a little slow maybe , but we still love you
**** gives Mr C a balloon to play with****

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
We never have any problems with the duvet cover here, still i guess its all the years of practise!

Am glad you havent described my duvet!

Oh I forgot Mr New Forest Ponies Duvet ..... thats becuase it hard to see what it was originally..... dreadful stains and crusty bits , half eaten pork pies...... terrible

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
Lippy is right.
Miss Lippy is always right

MJ is wrong.
No Shit sherlock

I'm saying nothing else.
Now that is news

Daisy said...

beast...you pegged me right and egyptian cotton is so lovely i can't imagine using anything else...but i also hand make quilts and have one on top...i have a duvet but only use it when it get 10 below zero F...
btw...i saw this duvet when looking for christmas gifts last weekend...and thought of quite a few people i could offend easily :)

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast...you pegged me right and egyptian cotton is so lovely i can't imagine using anything else...but i also hand make quilts and have one on top...i have a duvet but only use it when it get 10 below zero F...
btw...i saw this duvet when looking for christmas gifts last weekend...and thought of quite a few people i could offend easily :)

Daisy I came accros one I think made by a company called Velvet Vulva who specialise in clothes and stuff with a labial lips motif (Why .... why would you do that??). Its was the most frightening thing I ever saw , if you lured an amour to you darkened bedroom bedroom and then switched the lights on , I guarantee they would jump screaming from the window

Daisy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daisy said...

beast...usually those are the men who aren't getting any...hence the need for a constant reminder ;)

we have a rating where i am from...the louder the car...the smaller the cock...i wonder if the same applies to designs on a duvet cover?

Daisy said...

oh and i think anon is jealous because you didn't pick their bed linen for them...

BEAST said...

Daisy , I think you right about the car noise , I think velvetvulva was actually founded by a radical femenist lesbian(i am sure i read this somewhere ormaybe i imagined it).

Anon is our own lovely Mr C , you will get used to him popping in to drop the occasional insult , just so we know he still cares like

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Okay, enough of this shite.

I can't believe theres a discussion about fucking duvet covers still taking place.

Get on to the next post.

Show us yer cock, or something.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

And don't forget to lift your bellyflab up so we can get an unobscured view.

Mental Mac said...

I think your technique is all wrong. You started correctly.

1) Put top 2 corners inside duvet
2) Hold these top 2 corners and shake duvet and cover.
(The duvet will almost be in now)
3) Align bottom 2 corners and shake duvet and cover.
4) Do up poppers
5) Place on bed

Alternatively get housekeeper to attend to - my favored option

FirstNations said...

duvet covers are for the weak. go peel something endangered like I did.

mutleythedog said...

You know very well I have a Power rangers duvet and FIVE pillow cases! Why can I only find three - did you take the others??

oread the SSA said...

I crawl inside my duvet do get the comforter in there properly. True story.

Daisy said...

FN i admit to being a wussy...i love soft things...however i do have a pair of rabbit skin/fox slippers i received as a present from alaska...and they are devine...

Anonymous said...

GOD THIS IS SOOOOOO MUCH FUCKING FUN.... GOD KNOWS WHY I TAKE THE FUCKING TIME TO LEAVE A COMMENT IT JUST GETS FUCKING WORSE..... I HATE THIS FUCKING BLOG IT SHOULD BE SHUTT DOWN.... ANY WAY IM OFF TO VEIW THE OTHER SHITE BLOG FROBISHERS THE LAND OF FUN FUN FUN.... CUNTS

PS MUTLEY CHIN UP IT COULD BE WORSE YOU COULD BE BEAST.. :-)

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
Okay, enough of this shite.

I can't believe theres a discussion about fucking duvet covers still taking place.

Get on to the next post.

Show us yer cock, or something.

And don't forget to lift your bellyflab up so we can get an unobscured view.

being a gay Icon is so stressful **** Big Sigh*****

BEAST said...

Mental Mac said...
I think your technique is all wrong. You started correctly.

1) Put top 2 corners inside duvet
2) Hold these top 2 corners and shake duvet and cover.
(The duvet will almost be in now)
3) Align bottom 2 corners and shake duvet and cover.
4) Do up poppers
5) Place on bed

Alternatively get housekeeper to attend to - my favored option


MM , you are just leading me on , so you can laugh at me when I end up in a hidious knot

BEAST said...

FirstNations said...
duvet covers are for the weak. go peel something endangered like I did.

A champion suggestion Miss FN I may be able to get a duvet sized pelt out of Mr C....its worth concidering

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
You know very well I have a Power rangers duvet and FIVE pillow cases! Why can I only find three - did you take the others??

I am sorry Mr M , I think Jungle Jane stole them...... I think she is making a shrine to you , I think I would be worried if I were you

BEAST said...

oread the SSA said...
I crawl inside my duvet do get the comforter in there properly. True story.

If I just crawled inside the cover and put the duvet on top....maybe that would be easier

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
FN i admit to being a wussy...i love soft things...however i do have a pair of rabbit skin/fox slippers i received as a present from alaska...and they are devine...

Eeeek you will have the baying hordes of animal liberationist rioting outside your house if you own up to those..... just look what happened with Mr C and the lesbian Hordes

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
GOD THIS IS SOOOOOO MUCH FUCKING FUN.... GOD KNOWS WHY I TAKE THE FUCKING TIME TO LEAVE A COMMENT IT JUST GETS FUCKING WORSE..... I HATE THIS FUCKING BLOG IT SHOULD BE SHUTT DOWN.... ANY WAY IM OFF TO VEIW THE OTHER SHITE BLOG FROBISHERS THE LAND OF FUN FUN FUN.... CUNTS

PS MUTLEY CHIN UP IT COULD BE WORSE YOU COULD BE BEAST.. :-)


Good point Mr C , we would not want to waste your valueable time .Time that could be spent cruising and chatting to other brain dead queens , that lets face it have such interesting stuff to say........

Daisy said...

beast...let them come...my feet will be warm when they meet me :)

Anonymous said...

YAY, IM OLD ENOUGH TO BE A QUEEN, IM ONE OF THE BITTER ONES, SEE YOU ON GAYDAR LATER.. ;-)

Anonymous said...

YAY, IM OLD ENOUGH TO BE A QUEEN, IM ONE OF THE BITTER ONES, SEE YOU ON GAYDAR LATER.. ;-)

BEAST said...

Mr C , you will always be our princess.
Dont ebcome an old queen , they is borin

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