Monday, 26 November 2007

PEELING MR GASKINS PLUMS

Not these kind of plums







These ones.
Yes yet again it was chutney making fest at Gaskin Towers. I was dragooned into service as Kitchen Bitch , while the Gaskins flitted about making double entendres and laughing like hyena's at genital shaped pears .
I have a willy shaped like a parsnip so I found this a little tactless.
Anyways(Poofy Piggies favourite word)
I was chopping heaps of onions and garlic and peeling fecking plums.
Have you ever had to peel 46 lb's of plums......?????
HAVE YOU ????
For the love of God ........WHY???????

My chores finished I was eventually allowed to stagger off into the night , bleeding swollen fingers barely able to hold my car keys , reeking of onions, garlic and vinegar .
If I ever see another plum , or a pear amusingly shaped like a knob I will not be responsible for my actions.

**** Exits stage left with as much dignity as possible****
****given the dreadful whiff of vinegar*****

45 comments:

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Reeking of onions, garlic and vinegar is probably the best you've smelt in a long time.

Did you soak your knickers in it too?

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Smelt? Smelled? Same thing.

Shut the fuck up before you have any wise-crack remarks.

Anonymous said...

I WAS GOING TO SAY HE PROBLEY DOES SMELL BETTER.. HE NORMALY STINKS OF TCP... YUK... THE COLDS CLEARED QUIK.. ATTENTION SEEKING AGAIN.....

CUNTT....

MJ said...

Piggy's knickers smell of smelts.

Hence the error.

*poofs the blog with air freshener and exits*

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think you should treat yourself to some cosmetic willy surgery.

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
Reeking of onions, garlic and vinegar is probably the best you've smelt in a long time.

Did you soak your knickers in it too?


I always go commando

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
Smelt? Smelled? Same thing.

Shut the fuck up before you have any wise-crack remarks.


What a retard

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
I WAS GOING TO SAY HE PROBLEY DOES SMELL BETTER.. HE NORMALY STINKS OF TCP... YUK... THE COLDS CLEARED QUIK.. ATTENTION SEEKING AGAIN.....

CUNTT....

Thats not a waft of TCP from me Mr C , its that pile cream you dab under your eyes in a vain attempt to shrink the bags.
I still have a cold , its a medical miracle a man in my condition can type......

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Piggy's knickers smell of smelts.

Hence the error.

*poofs the blog with air freshener and exits*

Thats why we invite Piggy round.....he keeps the flies off my sandwiches

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
I think you should treat yourself to some cosmetic willy surgery.

There are plenty of sex starved vegetarians out there Mr B

Mental Mac said...

Haven't you ever heard of convenience food? It saves time and means that you don't have to go all Nigella on us.

What sort of recipe combines plums, garlic and onions?

BEAST said...

Mental Mac said...
Haven't you ever heard of convenience food? It saves time and means that you don't have to go all Nigella on us.

What sort of recipe combines plums, garlic and onions?


Once again for the hard of hearing and the infirm
C H U T N E Y
Do keep up MM and you forgot the pears

Anonymous said...

FUCK ME THE FAT CUNTS TURNING ON PEOPLE.. THIS USE TO BE SUCH A LOVLEY BLOGG... I PRAY FOR THE DAY WHEN THE CUNT LOSES THE USE OF HIS FINGERS..... YET AGAIN ANOTHER FAT ASS CRAP BLOGG.....

CUNTT

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
FUCK ME THE FAT CUNTS TURNING ON PEOPLE.. THIS USE TO BE SUCH A LOVLEY BLOGG... I PRAY FOR THE DAY WHEN THE CUNT LOSES THE USE OF HIS FINGERS..... YET AGAIN ANOTHER FAT ASS CRAP BLOGG.....

CUNTT

Thank you for taking the time to comment on Beastbite . While we are interested in your opinion* and will always try to be responsive to our readership**.
We hope you enjoyed this post***

* Thats a lie
**Oops theres another one
***Blimey a great fat blatant lie..We hope you FUCK OFF AND DIE

Anonymous said...

thats a rip off from gaydar... lol

BEAST said...

Whats gaydar ????

FirstNations said...

oo! i know! i know!

FirstNations said...

XXX to mr. C!!

Anonymous said...

GAYDAR IS THE PLACE YOU CRUISE FOR COCK DEAR.. IF YOU FEEL LIKE A BITT ON ANAL.. AND SOME GOOD LOVEING YOU TURN TO THE PC.. ITS LIKE TESCOS ON LINE... I SEE YOUVE CHANGED YA PROFILE NAME AGAIN....

HEY FN.... SOON BE XMAS YAY

BEAST said...

Do I get Tesco Clubcard Points and special offers as I have a Platinum( thats PLATINUM in case anybody missed that) card????
:-)

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...

The house smells of vinegar, chutney and onions still... it took two runs of the dishwasher to get the welded off remains from the industrial sized pan it was brewed in...
It took half an our to clean off the cooker top where onion had welded itself to the surface..

Rimshot said...

What's chutney?

Hammer said...

The last time I had that many plums I put them in an ale I was brewing.

I shall not soon forget the reulting explosion of my fermentation container.

BEAST said...

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...
The house smells of vinegar, chutney and onions still... it took two runs of the dishwasher to get the welded off remains from the industrial sized pan it was brewed in...
It took half an our to clean off the cooker top where onion had welded itself to the surface..


Mrs Gaskin is such a messy cook , sloppin and a slurpin at the stove , dreadful it was :-)

BEAST said...

Rimshot said...
What's chutney?

If we told you that we would have to kill you Mr Rimshot
There is an international Chutney conspiracy involving the freemasons , the catholic church and the womens institute

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
The last time I had that many plums I put them in an ale I was brewing.

I shall not soon forget the reulting explosion of my fermentation container.


Hello Mr H , everyone is welcome to get their plums out at Beastbites. I once had a fermentation container related explosion in my wardrobe....shocking mess

FirstNations said...

fermentation taught me that green salsa is better as a condiment than a sparkling beverage, although as a weapon of terrorism it would be difficult to equal. it explodes, it foams over, it is green and snotty and it dries on like superglue. try some in your brand new refrigerator today!!!

FirstNations said...

Mr.C-all i want under my tree is YOU, bad man!

BEAST said...

****drugs and stuffs Mr C in crate****

FN GO CHECK YOUR MAIL IN ABOUT 3 WEEKS

Who says all our christmas wishes cant come true :-)

BEAST said...

NOW PAY ATTENTION...
Some of our bloggers are not getting enough exposure (ooher)

So please go and visit Mr Gaskins and MentalMac

Or I will fart in a jar and send it to you for xmas

You have been warned

Anonymous said...

Theres a reason for that dear beastey they have no friends just like you.... hello FN.. :-)

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

I hope your swollen mitts can still manage to do some good. Mrs. Slocombe's central heating broke down, and she had to light the oven and hold her pussy in front of it. It's tail has been hanging out of it's basket all night long, and she needs some assistance.

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
Theres a reason for that dear beastey they have no friends just like you.... hello FN.. :-)

Your my only friend Mr C ****looks loveingly at MR C with big cow eyes****

BEAST said...

World Champ Stephen Neal said...
I hope your swollen mitts can still manage to do some good. Mrs. Slocombe's central heating broke down, and she had to light the oven and hold her pussy in front of it. It's tail has been hanging out of it's basket all night long, and she needs some assistance.

Gosh , there's a site for sore eyes . Mrs Slocombe drying her pussy in front of the open oven.........They dont write comedy like they used to :-)

Mental Mac said...

I have been lured into the slightly alarming world of facebook. It is quite good fun although it takes ages to do anything.

Mental Mac said...

You have a platinum tesco club card. Isn't that for pikeys only?

Daisy said...

you always go commando beast...now that is interesting...i don't know that you would be so "free flying" here...i made it back home and this morning it is 6F which equates to -14C...it isn't even winter yet!
...hell anyone can get a tescos card...i have one and i am only there once or twice a year...

Frobisher said...

I am boycotting this blog!

Anonymous said...

ME TOO FROBISHER...

CUNT OVER AND OUT FARE WELL DISH WATER ...

MY WORKS DONE HERE....

BYE FN .XXXX :-(

BEAST said...

Mental Mac said...
I have been lured into the slightly alarming world of facebook. It is quite good fun although it takes ages to do anything.
Me too MM altho I think its rubbish

BEAST said...

Mental Mac said...
You have a platinum tesco club card. Isn't that for pikeys only?

How rude , they obviously took one look at my nylon shell suit and spotted a valued customer

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
you always go commando beast...now that is interesting...i don't know that you would be so "free flying" here...i made it back home and this morning it is 6F which equates to -14C...it isn't even winter yet!
...hell anyone can get a tescos card...i have one and i am only there once or twice a year...

daisy Mens bits are self regulating , if it gets too cold its all automatically hauled 'inboard'

but do you have a platinum card :-)

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
I am boycotting this blog!

Is this because I was mistakenly identified as being part of The Axis Of evil

or the smell

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
ME TOO FROBISHER...

CUNT OVER AND OUT FARE WELL DISH WATER ...

MY WORKS DONE HERE....

BYE FN .XXXX :-(


If only this were true
***Beast looks wistful****

Daisy said...

beast...i only keep one for emergency vacations...i have actually never used it...i'm afraid to go to that step

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