Saturday, 24 November 2007

ANOTHER DAY CLOSER TO DEATH ***BIG SIGH ***

Generally I am an insanely optimistic person (as Mr Mutley points out).
Occasionally you just drag yourself up in the morning , its grey , cold and manky (the weather is not up to much iether) , and you feel like crap.

I have a theory ....There is a little bit of your mind thats been storing up all the day to day bullshit you blithley gloss over , the poisonous little slights , the things you should have done , and didnt. All the crap thats part of life and like a pustulating blackhead suddenly splurts it out for your delictation and delight.

Now the Beast's theory is this , when this happens , dont just mope and soak it all up again.
Embrace it.......own it......and master it.

Heres what you do.
1. Physically feel the pain............. clean your house till you drop , manically do your garden , go to the gym , do any thing physically onerous and suffer baby suffer.
2.Drag up all those nasty little fragments of thought that have erupted into your conciousness and have yourself a little self flagellation and fight back party.
Get yourself a pen and paper , write down whatever pops into your head ....... read it, feel it and then cut loose with a response .The response may be directed at yourself , your friends or the world in general....... be viscious , be angry .....fill your boots.

Now you have physically felt the pain , mentally addressed your issues and had a screaming hissy fit at yourself , your friends and the universe in general.
3.Go buy your favourite baaaaaaaaaaaad foods , hole up on the sofa , in your fantastically clean house , put some crap on the telly , snuggle up under a quilt , stuff yourself stupid and just allow yourself to wallow in a bit of soul healing self pity , It helps if you imagine some dreadful retribution scenario's against those who have sinned against you.
4.Go to bed early and have a good nights sleep.

Tomorrow is another day........and I guarantee you will feel purged , optimistic and a feck site better.
Meanwhile The Beast can be found festering on a sofa near you , gutsing donuts and day dreaming of messy accidents involving certain people and a runaway steam roller/combine harvester.
Harumph !

24 comments:

Frobisher said...

For goodness sakes you sound like Lynne Franks - I wish you were here now so I could slap your face and shake you violently by the shoulders - to knock some sense into you.

Tonight is X-factor & the end of my detox! afterwards off for a few beers down the Cellar Bar in Boscombe! you up for it? I'll give you a call.

Frobisher said...

For goodness sakes you sound like Lynne Franks - I wish you were here now so I could slap your face and shake you violently by the shoulders - to knock some sense into you.

Tonight is X-factor & the end of my detox! afterwards off for a few beers down the Cellar Bar in Boscombe! you up for it? I'll give you a call.

Frobisher said...

so good I said it twice!

BEAST said...

lol.
Frobisher repeats on you like a cheap pie :-)

Gorilla Bananas said...

That's more or less what a young male gorilla does when a female refuses to mate with him. Some day I may have to introduce to gorilla-buddhism.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

"clean your house till you drop"

Most of us don't have houses as dirty as yours, obviously.

Manky cunt.

Please, Frobi, slap the cunt hard.

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
That's more or less what a young male gorilla does when a female refuses to mate with him. Some day I may have to introduce to gorilla-buddhism.

Gorilla-buddhism sounds like something that needs introducing to the human world Mr Banana's it will probably make more sense than most of the other religions

BEAST said...

Piggy and Tazzy said...
"clean your house till you drop"

Most of us don't have houses as dirty as yours, obviously.

Manky cunt.

Please, Frobi, slap the cunt hard.

The Beast is imagining a particularly nasty accident featuring both the combine and the steamroller for Messrs P & T , while I chew reflectivly on a jaffa cake

Newforestandy said...

Aww poor beast, perhaps you need a week away from all the hassle of life? How about a week of camping out in a nudist colony? That way not only can people worship your 'temple' body but also make you feel so much better being at one with nature!

FirstNations said...

if his body is a temple, where are the pews??

*laughs hysterically, begins to bleed out one ear*

*runs*

MJ said...

What's he filled the holy water font up with, then?

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
Aww poor beast, perhaps you need a week away from all the hassle of life? How about a week of camping out in a nudist colony? That way not only can people worship your 'temple' body but also make you feel so much better being at one with nature!
Mr Newforestandy , I would have to wear me vest at thecolony at this time of year......its a bit chilly

BEAST said...

FirstNations said...
if his body is a temple, where are the pews??

*laughs hysterically, begins to bleed out one ear*

*runs*

My body is a temple to that little know aphrodisiac LARD.

Spread liberally over thighs , buttocks and lady lumps for a passion fueled evening in

Youknow it makes sense

BEAST said...

MJ said...
What's he filled the holy water font up with, then?

Molten Lard ..... as you well know MJ
****winks at MJ and licks block of lard suggestively****

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...

I find that eating junk food and drinking cheap lager in front of a war film (The longest day is about the most engrossing one) usually does it for me.

Cheer up matey, you're still invited round for 'home produce making' tomorrow night. If you're not still wallowing up to your neck in the odure of misery... on which note I recommend 'keeping your chin up'...

Gaskers

mutleythedog said...

Shit food is definitely the answer, I can't be bothered to feel pain though... also cheap sex is good. I for one know how this feels by the way... oh yes I do.. Oh and alcohol. Obviously.

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

Thanks Dr. Phil.

"Women are smart. Men are stupid."

BEAST said...

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...
I find that eating junk food and drinking cheap lager in front of a war film (The longest day is about the most engrossing one) usually does it for me.

Cheer up matey, you're still invited round for 'home produce making' tomorrow night. If you're not still wallowing up to your neck in the odure of misery... on which note I recommend 'keeping your chin up'...


Mr G , I will be reporting for duty as Mrs G's Kitchen bitch.
Can we try the cider
Can we ????

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Shit food is definitely the answer, I can't be bothered to feel pain though... also cheap sex is good. I for one know how this feels by the way... oh yes I do.. Oh and alcohol. Obviously.

Mr M , depending on how cheap and nasty the sex is , you may yet feel the pain......
Ooooh alcohol....Donuts dunken in malibu :-)

BEAST said...

World Champ Stephen Neal said...
Thanks Dr. Phil.

"Women are smart. Men are stupid."


Dr Phil has obviously forgatten about Paris Hilton ....or is she the exception that proves the rule ??

Daisy said...

beast you forgot the shopping...shopping is therapy...when i feel like that yes those things you mentioned work...however if you just do the cleaning thing then go out shopping and buy yourself something you want but don't need for every injustice done to you...it helps...my house is full and i love all my new clothes...:)

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
beast you forgot the shopping...shopping is therapy...when i feel like that yes those things you mentioned work...however if you just do the cleaning thing then go out shopping and buy yourself something you want but don't need for every injustice done to you...it helps...my house is full and i love all my new clothes...:)
Part of the degredation was woeful lack of money , so shopping therapy was denied me :-(
Still I ate till I nearly burst , I was sat on the sofa like Buddha

FirstNations said...

buddha would have been a lot more fun if he'd take your cue on the lard front. combine that with 4am jogging and swan dodging and he could have been the worlds hottest asian deity. now that title falls to you.


you are the worlds hottest asian deity.

BEAST said...

***Dabs chutney behind ears and laps upadulation****

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