Saturday, 30 June 2007

APPARENT WIND


Gratuitious picture.........guilty m'lud.
The Beast is back .
Stiff upper lip slightly wilting from the twin onslaught of a southern Mediterranean heatwave (feck it was HOT) and continental plumbing (savages!).
Still all in all a good week , the wind was a bit dodgy (weather wind.......not garlic tinged gusts in my surf shorts) . But we managed to get some windsurfing done.
Unfortunatley as the wind failed due to the heat on a few of the days the trainers feel honour bound to give you theory lessons , which was a bugger as in the event of not being able to get out on the water I would rather be floating in the pool , quaffing cocktails and scarfing ice cream and the like.
Now one of these hated theory lessons was about the concept of apparent wind.
This in essence means you can sail faster than the wind that is powering you .
Let me explain
If First Nations and Frobisher are pushing myself and Mr Mutley in a shopping trolley towards Asda/Wallmart at 5 miles an hour.(to buy some power tools for FN and some rubber gloves for Frobisher probably)
Jungle Jane and Mu Tai have other ideas and are pushing back on the trolley at 3 miles an hour (the sight of all that man flesh has obviously driven the two minxes wild and they are trying to get us into the bushes at the back of the car park for heaven knows what purposes) .
Now the result of this unsightly fracas would sensibly be the trolley proceeding at two miles an hour for a bit ( 5 - 3 = 2) towards Asda followed by an unpleasant but strangely arousing bitch fight, until the issue is resolved.
But STOP if the concept of apparent wind is true, the trolley containing Myself and Mr Mutley (who incidentally wont keep his hands to himself) should shoot off at a 45 degree angle( in the direction of Home Base/Depot) at 8 miles an hour (5 + 3 = 8) probably with Mutley screaming like a girl* (OK the theory of apparent wind doesn't say Mutley will scream like a girl ..I added that bit) .
Apparent Wind theory has the usual result of me frothing at the mouth followed by one of my smart ass friends pointing out , usually with the words
' I did physics as part of my degree (well aren't you special !!) , and I can tell you , the theory is correct ! '
BOLLOCKS! ....
So dear bloggers the choice is yours
On the one hand you have a theory that even a five year old child could tell you doesn't make any sense .I dont see how you can go faster than the force that's powering you, especially when it is being opposed by another force.
Or
My admittedly uneducated theory which to its credit has amorous hot blogging totty , shopping , power tools , and a mud wrestling bitch fight finale.
I think the Nobel prize for physics is in the bag , don't you ?????

25 comments:

mutleythedog said...

I don't get it either -I like the trolley thing more...How does it end? Will we mud wrestle?

I don't know what happened to JJ - she does not seem like someone who takes offence easily. I wrote on her blog that some of the pics she has were revolting like the maggotty willy and the castration (yuk) and the poo (double yeuk) but I have written that before...I don't expect it was anything to do with that... :-(

mutleythedog said...

Yeay !! I m second

Frobisher said...

My ADHD stopped me reading your whole post - but I think I got the jist - welcome back Beast! it's gonna be a lousey summer here in the UK, the whole of Yorkshire has been wiped out while your been away. By the way you've been tagged by Lippy

Lippy said...

Oh yes- btw you have been tagged by me.

I am thinking of giving up law and going into Ark construction instead...if it would just stop raining then I could get on with the job properly!

First Nations said...

thank you. now i am all confused, i am moving backwards steadily at 1.3 knots and i still don't have a drill press. dammit man!

i would push you in a shopping trolley ANY TIME. and mr. the dog too. and frobisher.

it would have to be a very large shopping trolley and we would have to be travelling across level ground, i guess. still.

welcome back!
XOO

First Nations said...

...AND MR. C!!!
he could be helmsman, since he professes a love of 'being in the drivers' seat' as twere.
muchas smooches!

First Nations said...

...yeah, we need a bigger trolley.

Mental Mac said...

I must admit, that toward the end of your post, in my head it was going "blah blah blah blah".

Welcome back. Back to important stuff, did you bring any sweets?

How was the local talent? Or did they recognise you from last year?

Jenny! said...

Mutley has a problem with his wandering hands...I hope he didn't use his nails on you!

mutleythedog said...

Jenny speaks from experience... I have never washed that finger since...

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
I don't get it either -I like the trolley thing more...How does it end? Will we mud wrestle?

I don't know what happened to JJ - she does not seem like someone who takes offence easily. I wrote on her blog that some of the pics she has were revolting like the maggotty willy and the castration (yuk) and the poo (double yeuk) but I have written that before...I don't expect it was anything to do with that... :-(



Each to their own I say , it would be pretty dull if we all did the same type of blogging stuff - and I enjoy having my narrow view of life challenged , I am sure once JJ has finished tripping up old ladies and slapping boy scouts she will come roaring back :-)

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Yeay !! I m second


Now your just attention seeking

BEAST said...

Frobisher said...
My ADHD stopped me reading your whole post - but I think I got the jist - welcome back Beast! it's gonna be a lousey summer here in the UK, the whole of Yorkshire has been wiped out while your been away. By the way you've been tagged by Lippy

Mr Frobi, I refuse to be tagged , as I am so dull there are not 8 interesting things to say about me.
Re the weather I have brought my wetsuit back with me and will be wearing it everywhere untill at least september

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
Oh yes- btw you have been tagged by me.

I am thinking of giving up law and going into Ark construction instead...if it would just stop raining then I could get on with the job properly!


Tagging....harumph
can you leave out snails and slugswhen loading the ark , they are no bloody use to anyone

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
thank you. now i am all confused, i am moving backwards steadily at 1.3 knots and i still don't have a drill press. dammit man!

i would push you in a shopping trolley ANY TIME. and mr. the dog too. and frobisher.

it would have to be a very large shopping trolley and we would have to be travelling across level ground, i guess. still.


i told you the whole thing doesnt make sense , and my explanation was even worse...... a carreer in teaching is obviously a non starter


...AND MR. C!!!
he could be helmsman, since he professes a love of 'being in the drivers' seat' as twere.
muchas smooches!


In the drivers seat.....bending down in front of the bonnet more like !

...yeah, we need a bigger trolley

Fine , I may have put on a bit of weight , but with a tub of axle grease and a bit of pushing and squeezing I wil still fit in....harumph

BEAST said...

Mental Mac said...
I must admit, that toward the end of your post, in my head it was going "blah blah blah blah".

Welcome back. Back to important stuff, did you bring any sweets?

How was the local talent? Or did they recognise you from last year?


MM do you mean to say you didnt study the pearls of wisdom held within this post.... well that was a wasted effort..... there wasnt any local talent that I could see , so obviously someone was watching the airport and sent a warning ahead of my arrival....and I ironed my leopardskin thong as well...another wasted effort

BEAST said...

Jenny! said...
Mutley has a problem with his wandering hands...I hope he didn't use his nails on you!

Hello Jenny , you look like a young lady who is no stranger to wind...apparent or not !
Mr Mutley wont be wandering again for a while, at least till he gets the splints off , the Beasts butt cheeks have a stronger grip than First nations bench vice , I am available fo hire should anyone lose their nut crackers at xmas

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
Jenny speaks from experience... I have never washed that finger since...

That explains so much Mr Mutley

Tickersoid said...

Probably something to do with vectors.
For those of you unfamailiar with vectors, it's a kind of decongestant you rub on your tits.
Makes your surf board go faster, apparently.

A. A. Ayscoughe~Hussey said...

You would be going at 6 miles per hour because of retardation: ~

5+3=8-(5-3=)2=6

A. A. Ayscoughe~Hussey said...

... still you would be traveling faster than your tail wind.

A. A. Ayscoughe~Hussey said...

... Balliol College Oxford.

BEAST said...

A. A. Ayscoughe~Hussey said...
You would be going at 6 miles per hour because of retardation: ~

5+3=8-(5-3=)2=6

... still you would be traveling faster than your tail wind.

... Balliol College Oxford.


Dear AA , anyone who believes this thoery is a retard
IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE !!!

BEAST said...

Tickersoid said...
Probably something to do with vectors.
For those of you unfamailiar with vectors, it's a kind of decongestant you rub on your tits.
Makes your surf board go faster, apparently


That explains it then Mr Tickers , I had just rouged my nipples , and this is obviously the reason for my non performance , hurrah for vectors

DirtyBitchSociety said...

Where do I cast the vote for the Nobel. By God I think you've solved this one. The Formula is certainly taking into account the hot air and steam coming from the situation, right?

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