Friday, 8 June 2007

'TRIMMING THE DOLPHIN'


Believe it or not , This is not a euphemism for some vile sexual practice (but it sounds like it could be like 'choking the chicken' , 'bean flicking' , 'tuppence licking' or 'Bashing the Bishop' ) .
Beastie has been gardening.
One of the tasks on the list was trimming up my topiary dolphin (a impulse buy , on the part of Mr C when he was landscaping my garden) .
Now the Beast's gardening forte is blundering about , mistaking things for weeds and digging them up , hacking , rending and generally doing all the heavy stuff , whereas this needed a bit of finesse , luckily as Ma Beasty was visiting and her being a big virgo , she was dispatched clutching her scissors to do the business.
Man she was out there for hours , snipping away . I have to say it looks perfect , and even passed muster when given the old fish eye by Mr C (which nothing I ever do does).
I cant take any pictures of the real thing as since i got a new pc and went windows vista , my camera and phone camera software no longer work......so both are bloody useless, unless anyone knows how to get the darn things working.
So its time for Beasties weekly hate list
1.Windows Vista
Heap of crap
2. Virgo's , sagitarians and ariens
(we will deal with them on a seperate post - why oh why cant they be nice and stable like Taureans)

45 comments:

jungle jane said...

topiary dolphin?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA beastie you big girl...

BEAST said...

It wasnt me JJ , it was Mr C

Frobisher said...

I like the little sprigs of privet sticking from the Dolphins nose - it looked like nasal hair

BEAST said...

I say Mr Frobisher , I thought you had hot footed it 'up the smoke' , to cavort with your big city chums

Jenny! said...

You couldn't have thought of anything better than a dolphin topiary??? Where is your creativity?

BEAST said...

Jenny....creativity is for girls ! and vegetarians

mutleythedog said...

Why didn't you go for breasts or pies? Or a fanny - like the disappeared fanny cake.. don't forget to vote for me...I am losing right now to some loony political site.

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley ,Sadly I couldn't find any breasts or pies to write about in the garden.
I am going votingtastic :-)

Ms Smack said...

For the record, I am a Taurean.

Aunty Marianne said...

A nice Belgian lady calls around to my place once a fortnight to trim my bush. I was a little shy at first but now it has become one of my life's highlights.
A friend tels me that if women go for too long without the attention of a man then they turn lesbian, like sea horses. Is this true?

BEAST said...

Ms Smack said...
For the record, I am a Taurean.

Of course you are Ms Smack , an earthy young lady like yourself was never going to be a virgo :-)
Why am I suddenly thinking about udders ?

BEAST said...

Aunty Marianne said...
A nice Belgian lady calls around to my place once a fortnight to trim my bush. I was a little shy at first but now it has become one of my life's highlights.

Good afternoon aunty , A little continental bush trimming is enough to turn anyones head


A friend tels me that if women go for too long without the attention of a man then they turn lesbian, like sea horses. Is this true?


In my experience the ladies tend to turn a tad ill tempered when lacking ' attention' ,wouldnt purchasing a battery operated 'de stresor' be a little less extreme than dropping ones drawers for a tattoed and hulking 'sister'....but hell what do I know , I tend to dry hump the nearest avialable leg :-)

Pink Drama said...

what's wrong with saggitarians? i'm a saggitarius and my 4 other personalities say i'm just fine.

Hammer said...

I like wanking the walrus but don't tell anyone :)

Thanks for the heads up on Vista

Tickersoid said...

One of the advantages of working in a large organisation is the consumer advice. We've known for a long time that Vista was usefull, only for stopping things working.

And I'm also a sag'

BEAST said...

Pink Drama said...
what's wrong with saggitarians? i'm a saggitarius and my 4 other personalities say i'm just fine.

Pinky the phrase that best sums up a saggi.
They are, as my old granny used to say, all 'fur coat and no knickers'

There you go astrology in a nutshell

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
I like wanking the walrus but don't tell anyone :)

Thanks for the heads up on Vista


Hammer , I suppose everyone should have a hobby ! I am sure the worlds walri are eternally gratefull.
Best leave vista a while till everyone developes the correct software to work with it.

BEAST said...

Tickersoid said...
One of the advantages of working in a large organisation is the consumer advice. We've known for a long time that Vista was usefull, only for stopping things working.

And I'm also a sag'


Ticks , i hate vista it takes it about 20 minutes to connect to the wireless network , after connecting and disconecting about 20 times.....its mental.
It is the saggitarius of opperating systems (with a soupcon of virgo thrown in)

Anonymous said...

9 bloodey replys huh lol

Lippy said...

Topiary sounds far too much like hard work to me!

I prefer Chinese astrology myself it's so much better for he ego to be a water tiger than a crab!

Anonymous said...

i love the dolphin every house hold should have one!! unless there poor and cant afford one!!

Ms Smack said...

hehe with Chinese Astrology, I am a rat. What are you?

First Nations said...

i agree 100%...the rest of the world could take a lesson from us Taureans... steadfast, reliable, honest, hardworking, cheerful, cleanly, pleasant and fond of making things explode, like small animals, by stuffing a number of small firecrackers up the rectum of, say, a tiny kitten or a parakeet and apply a piece of strong tape thereby sealing the aperature, being careful to leave a small amount of wick protruding.

(your black spot can be nipped in the bud by the judicious application of a product called 'Captan' here in the U.S. be sure to dust the underside of the leaves, the stems and the soil surface to the limit of the drip circle.
mainly, you just ignore blackspot, unless the plant is actually dying.)

First Nations said...

ps
Mr. C i applaud your choice of a dolphin topiary! I've never seen one before and I like it so much better than the usual 'pyramid and ball' shapes!
my topiarian efforts are restricted to hacking and slashing awkwardly at things which annoy me. like canadian drivers, and toast.

Pink Drama said...

*pink is currently having a blonde moment, so please excuse her if the following comment sounds dumb*

what? all fur coat and no knickers? is that like saying, not the brightest light bulb in the box or 1 cookie short a dozen or something like that?

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
Topiary sounds far too much like hard work to me!

I prefer Chinese astrology myself it's so much better for he ego to be a water tiger than a crab!


Lippy its just a bit of bush trimming......we all do it !
Theres nothing wrong with crabs (that a powder from the doctors wont put right :-) )

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
i love the dolphin every house hold should have one!! unless there poor and cant afford one!!

Mr C , you finally admit I am a style icon

BEAST said...

FN, you are correct of course as well as being style icons , us taureans are all round good eggs, its no wondereveryone else loves us.

BEAST said...

Pink Drama said...
*pink is currently having a blonde moment, so please excuse her if the following comment sounds dumb*

what? all fur coat and no knickers? is that like saying, not the brightest light bulb in the box or 1 cookie short a dozen or something like that?


Pinky I believe the saying means someone of big ideas , and more front than Las Vegas......but probably without the resources to fund them (hence all the money being spent on the fur coat when one cant afford knickers)

Pink Drama said...

thank you for the clairification. i personally go for knickers first. preferably frilly ones.

BEAST said...

Ms Smack , I almost forgot you , in all that excitement (as if one could)
Some would say I am an arse but as that doesnt feature in the chinese astrological calendar , I have to own up to the year of the ox

Mental Mac said...

Taureans being stable. I think you forget I too am a Taurus, and the number of hissy fits I throw is amazing.

Topiary dolphin, eh. How about making it into a shark?

Mwah ha ha.

mutleythedog said...

"Year of the Ox"??? snicker snicker...

Anonymous said...

watt you have no style.. you have peach blinds need i say eny more.. lol

BEAST said...

Mental Mac said...
Taureans being stable. I think you forget I too am a Taurus, and the number of hissy fits I throw is amazing.

Topiary dolphin, eh. How about making it into a shark?

Mwah ha ha.


Hurrah its Mnetal Mac.....where you been hiding ???
I do remember the hissy fits
Very dramatic they were

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
"Year of the Ox"??? snicker snicker...

Mutley snickering is very childish its not like I said HUNG LIKE AN OX .......snicker

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
watt you have no style.. you have peach blinds need i say eny more.. lol

Says the man who was wearing ASDA swimming shorts at the weekend

First Nations said...

beast secret party cocktail recipe HERE:

http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html

oh yes! is very delicious for make the gonorrhea lessen of drips seeping and with salty too!

stir up a flock of placentas at my place, will you, miscreant?

First Nations said...

http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html
http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html

BEAST said...

First Nations said...
beast secret party cocktail recipe HERE:

http://www.hkrl.com/cowurine.html

oh yes! is very delicious for make the gonorrhea lessen of drips seeping and with salty too!

stir up a flock of placentas at my place, will you, miscreant?


FN Wow and there me been using it as an aftershave
(YES YES YES , MR C ITS NO WONDER I AM SINGLE......before you say it)

Now I will start gargling with it as well
French Kiss Anyone ????

NATEMARE said...

I'm Aries and damn proud!

What did we ever do to be stuck with Virgos and Sags?

jungle jane said...

Beastie,

I have been practising pubic topiary. I carved a nice dolphin into my snatch. I called it Beastie.

Love,
Jungly

BEAST said...

NATEMARE said...
I'm Aries and damn proud!

What did we ever do to be stuck with Virgos and Sags?


Natemare.....1 comment in a year...surely you should be nominated for some sort of award

BEAST said...

jungle jane said...
Beastie,

I have been practising pubic topiary. I carved a nice dolphin into my snatch. I called it Beastie.

Love,
Jungly


Jungly , I like to se a well manicured 'garden' , watch out for greenfly ... that could put a dampner on you lurve life

mutleythedog said...

I looked at the cow urine thing.... its not funny people.... not funny..

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