Saturday, 31 March 2007

MAKING A BEAST OF YOURSELF WITH VEG


Getting shot of that winter excess weight is a pain in the ass.
Until I tried Slimming Worlds food optimising....... Its great , good food , easy to prepare and in Beastial gut busting portions.





True you will be veggy part of the time , and you do iether have to join a club or buy a couple of their books to do it succesfully , but 8 days in and 8 pounds off so far , and I hav'nt eaten so much in ages .I have been taking some fruit in to work with me for the last week , not so much to snack on , but to make obscene displays to frighten/disgust my work colleagues.....

If your bored have a look at this www.ebaumsworld.com/fartboard.html it kept me and my work chum Eric sniggering like a couple of schoolboys all thru a very dull conference call.

I did my fave saturday morning thing today , I went into town nice and early , did all me bits , then brought a copy of The Sun(tabliod heaven) , sat in the camera obscura Cafe in the central square and read Dear Dierdre's Problem page........ good heavens the things people get up to... my favourite bit has always been Dierdre's photo casebook , where she depicts a common problem scenario using cheesey photo shots. The thing I love about it is if lesbianism is about to rear its head(which it does OFTEN) the two women involved are pictured having some banal conversation (using conversation bubbles) , but they are always dressed only in their bra and skimpy knickers.........you dont have to be einstein to guess whats coming in the next days instalment !!!

44 comments:

First Nations said...

believe it or not those peppers are real! they're called 'sweet old man' and i've been meaning to grow them for ages!
yes, to put in my mouth.
is there a website for this diet? post it up, it sounds like it's right up my alley.

First Nations said...

...did a search with the keywords and found it.
damn. except for all the fruit(not a sweets kinda person) it sounds fantastic. congrats, beast! i just may give this a whirl.

BEAST said...

FN if you need any recipes I have the free food recipe book.....its marvellous , I am living in sin free gluttony :-)

I too am not a great fruit /sweet lover , so I squander my 20 sins a day on crisps(chips) and stuff

Newforestandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Newforestandy said...

when you were sat reading The Sun, did you have your bra and knickers exposed?

mutleythedog said...

I used to pose for those photo stories Mr B! Not the lesbian ones obviously....

mutleythedog said...

Its not a good idea that Slimming World - it is a cult and within months you will be taking part in a group marriage in Korea. Be warned - never eat meat on a green day or your penis explodes!

Anonymous said...

About time you went on a diet you fat cunt..who ate all the pies!! im on a sweet diet condensed milk followed by corn flakes and so on its great :)

Anonymous said...

and of coarse plenty of meat i love eating meat.. red meat rocks...

Aunty Marianne said...

Are these peppers from the Chili Farm up near Beaminster? You want to watch those. Some Say.... they're still the hottest in the world.

Aunty Marianne said...

P.S. Am also on diet. It's not working at all. Am very impressed with your fast success but suspect a bit of it is water, so careful to keep off the salt when you stop dieting.

BEAST said...

NFA he he how did you guess.

Mr M I can see it now... you , whip thin he/she Giles and a semi nekkid Jenny , now what sort of story could we illustrate with those three principals...... a hidden beetroot addiction allowing giles to blackmail you into a cross dressing menage a trois !!!

Mr C ...I can have red meat in abundance on red days....its only green days I am not allowed to eat meat or my penis will explode (Mr Mutley is my slimming world coach , he told me so it must be true).
Aunty , your right the first 4 to 5 lbs is water , you dont start losing actual fat for at least 4 days....so thats 3 lbs of fat lost which is at least one man boob :-)

BEAST said...

I could lose 17 stone of blubber instantly of course by banning Mr C :-))

frobisher said...

I have no need of dieting - I have the body of a 17yr old!

I can stuff my face all day long, and requently do

Lippy said...

I am the only person in the world who PUT ON weight at Slimming World- bloody nightmare!

Anyway, well done you!

I've still got this tricky, last stone to loose! Even had a go on the "power plate" work out at the gym. You know the one where you do sit ups and dips on a vibrating plate. I must have done it wrong because it's supposed to make you ache like a bastard and I didn't feel a thing.

Mental Mac said...

About a month ago I walked past a chap who was working over this rather intricate spreadsheet (lots of small columns, graphs and representative colours). Being an insatiable nosey parker I peered over his shoulder and asked him what he was working on. After moments awkwardness he told me it was his daily weight loss spreadsheet. He was noting exercise performed, daily weight. The spreadsheet was then calculating weight lost in total, percentage below/above target, weight lost in current week/month. Far too geeky.

First Nations said...

frobi, the seventeen year olds' mother is complaining she wants her son's body back. i guess they paid a ton of money for that coffin.

frobisher said...

sorry - he's staying under the floorboards

mutleythedog said...

Oh and never eat beans the Reverend Moon has decreed it!

BEAST said...

Mutley , how dare you mock the sacred bean of hienz , we are Slim W are encouraged to worship it as the saviour . Mr Hienz is the patron saint of love handles.
Blasphemy Sir.........

Chaucer's Bitch said...

love the photos. where did you find them? are there more?

frobi: we all know what you stuff your face with.

Mu Tai Dong said...

我以前摆在了为"太阳" 故事的当中一个。我演奏了一个疯狂的前女朋友。我不是肯定的为什么他们选我起作用。
I before suspended in is "solar" story middle. I have played a crazy front girlfriend. Why amn't I firmly they choose my function.

mutleythedog said...

Mu Tai is back - please encourage "her". "She" needs support!

BEAST said...

CB , I just put 'rude vegetables' in the image search and up they popped , so to speak.

Mu Tai welcome back , did you used to pose with Mr Mutley for your sun shots ??

Mr Mutley , as you know we have always been supporters of Mu Tai and 'her' efforts . Are you implying with your quote marks that Mu Tai has more than a vegetarian spring roll ???

BEAST said...

Oh Bugger , I cant look at anyone elses blogs this morning , the error message says I have a problem with my FRONT END
This predictably provoked 5 minutes of schoolboyish sniggering on my part.
I have spent the time composing an Ode to Mu Tai

Mu Tai , Mu Tai , Mu Tai
We feared you lost,
Departed
Gone
And yet
You returned
Noodles soft
Seaweed crispy
Man Parts hidden
Falsies
on

Mu Tai Dong said...

谁开始了这个残暴和狠毒谣言关于我有人零件? 他们被去除了在一次不幸的刀片事件。
Who started this cruel and the vicious rumor about my some person of components? They have been removen at an unfortunate bit event.

Mu Tai Dong said...

我必须说您的诗完全地美好。我特别是喜欢"面条软, 海草酥脆" 对比是非常聪明的!

I must say your poem is completely happy. I specially am like the "noodles being soft, the seaweed crisp" contrast is extremely intelligent!

BEAST said...

Mu Tai , I am the poet laureate of(self proclaimed) of the interweb thingy blogshpere.

I didnt start the terrible rumour , I am an innocent man

**** points at mutley****

mutleythedog said...

I think Mu Tai is probably transgendered - she was making some kind of chewing gum based Chop Suey when I called by earlier.

BEAST said...

Did you like my poem Mr Mutley ??

Would Mu Tai's new dish be called Chop Chewy...he he he

First Nations said...

yes, her knife skills leave something to be desired. and that is why a little bit of mu tai resides in all of us.

Tickersoid said...

"I'm confused, why do I feel this way about Debbie, I'm sure I'm not gay."

I prefer the Agony stuff. Your right, they are always in bra and knickers looking coy.

Mu Tai Dong said...

我将让您知道我的食物实际上是主要成功!! 我的刀子技能精采! 我有一份证明在Knifing! Yum!

I will let you know my food will be the main success in fact! ! My knife skill is brilliant! I have a certificate in Knifing! Yum!

Da Nator said...

I'd be interested in some of those recipes, Beast. Sounds interesting. My only caution for you is that when you lose something like 8 lbs in 8 days it is usually only water weight, and comes back on quickly. Good luck!

First Nations said...

Nowait! never complain have you miss mu tai of me! small girl in church having cookie of Pope reminding me, when dinner on table in booth have your house/place of work, my eyes are nostalgic!

BEAST said...

Its all going horribly wrong , Mu Tai is sharpening her knife with a dangerous glint in her eye.
Tickers is scantilly clad , coy and confused , First Nations is linguistically banjaxed and Da Nator is drooling at the thought of Beasties steaming comestibles .
Mr Mutley , I have deleted your comment , The Beast will not stand for unprovoked nasties , life is too damn short , consider your legs well and truly smacked.
I will post a couple of sample recipes shortly

mutleythedog said...

How exciting - I've not been deleted since Mr The Hitch deleted me for being too nice!

BEAST said...

He He Mr Mutley , I will do that next time :-)

Oliver Gosling said...

... looks at photograph of banana and melon and giggles school-boyishly, shits pants and is dumb struck.

Afternoon to you Mr. Beast.

BEAST said...

Good afternoon Mr Gosling !
You may have noticed Beastbites is a schoolboyish sniggering sort of site.
I started off trying for urbane , witty and sophisticated......somewhere along the way it all went horribly wrong , I blame Ms Frist Nations and her nekkid baby Jesus.

Anonymous said...

yawns!

BEAST said...

And Anon(AKA MR C) , for lowering the tone.
And I say lowering the tone with a single 'Yawn' comment because you just know he is sitting in his frying underwear and scratching while he is yawning on my blog.
The blighter should be up , shaved , scrubbed and sitting to attention in his smoking Jacket before commenting here.
How standards are slipping !!!

BEAST said...

LOL that should have read FRAYING not frying.

The Hitch said...

chilies are a good idea
whatever you eat 20 minutes later its fling out of your arse.
Thats why pakis are all so thin , that and starvation.

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