Tuesday, 13 March 2007

SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE


There has been some wild excitement chez Beasty. Early morning phone calls alerting the Beast to run......run like the wind , and buy a certain Sunday paper , open the accompanying magazine and read the article on page 35 !!!!!!!!.
So in a frenzy of anticipation I hot footed it round to Mr Patels little corner shop of horrors , and feverishly thumbed thro the magazine (Well I wasnt gonna buy it till I found out what all the excitement was about) , and found the aforementioned article .It was about swinging couples (now call polymatronomy or some such bollox) .I got to about page three and nearly swallowed my tongue with shock . I must have let out a loud startled 'woof' of suprise as Mr Patel almost dropped the jars of out of date pasta sauce he was trying to hide on the shelves.
I used to work with the chap we shall call George , he was small , very fat , really obnoxious and suffused with oodles of misplaced arrogance , after about 5 years he suddenly popped up with this girlfiend (much to everyones suprise) .
We were all agog to meet her , and were presented with basically George in a dress , she was a sausage stuffer (I kid you not) by trade , small , fat , obnoxious , loud , misplaced arrogance and a hideous over sexualised dress sense into the bargain .We shall call her Julie.
Individually they were shocking enough, as a couple , well.............
At their wedding a friend remarked it was all rather sweet that they found each other and in doing so they at least didnt spoil two families.....Harsh but I have to say fair.
So imagine my surprise when emblazoned , centre spread in the polyswingerswhatevers , were George and Julie , complete with quotes along the lines of
'George was perfectly happy with Julie's string of female lovers but found he had difficulties with the men etc etc'.
Its always a little suprising to find out in graphic details whats been going on behind associates closed doors , but what I found truly shocking is not what they were doing......BUT THAT THEY MANAGED TO FIND ANYONE TO DO IT WITH !!!!!!!
*** the picture above is not George and Julie but just gives you a general idea , in person they are much more shocking *****

22 comments:

Lippy said...

It's not a happy mental image !

It smacks of the old divorce client who was on third divorce. That he was getting divorced was no mystery, how he had managed to find three different women who wanted to marry him in the first place baffled everyone!

frobisher said...

I had a lucky escape the other year, a woman called Toni (from work) & her husband Steve invited me for a meal when I bumped into them out on the town. She was 6ft with a face like a horse - he was 5ft and as round as he was tall. Nice people, but swingers - the meal was just to lure me into their spiders' web of filth!

Anonymous said...

Well thats nothing... i had the miss fortune of swinging in bridport it was awful.. but i did enjoy it in the end :-) a couple of viagra a few umps of sharleen... andi was like a dog on a race track.. but i finshed last:)

Anonymous said...

and no it wasnt that couple in you sad blog either.. thank god who would want to fuck them i wouldt let them walk my boys let alone poking them it turns my guttt

BEAST said...

Lippy , I know amazing isnt it.

I like Frobishers very victorian web of filth and shame...... I can imagine clutching his wincyette nightie about him as he said it....he he

Mr C it would occur to most people if it required viagra and coke to do it..... why did you bother??. On second thoughts dont bother to answer that , i dont think I want to know .lol.

Stephen Neal said...

;-)

Tickersoid said...

I used to swing, now I just sort of dangle a bit.

First Nations said...

I already blogged about Toothless George and his fat ginger wife, the swingers. GAAAAAAAH. not the first ones i've met, either; but just like the rest- overweight ghetto losers.
why? how? ew!
imagine a whole room of that greased up with crisco; like a maggots on a dead possum.

BEAST said...

Who was that masked world champ ???

Tickers , I like the cut of your Jib.....dangling sounds alltogether more disgusting.

FN looking at some of the other swinging couples pictured in this article , Overweight wasnt particulalrly prevalent , however ugly sure was

mutleythedog said...

Try www.sdc.com - I have tried swinging in Bridport to Mr Anonymous and it was rather nice, we ran into Elizabeth Hurley and her then boyfriend Hugh Grant in The Kings Head and after 7 pints of Old Scroggity they were up to it with Giles, Jenny and myself as a silent witness!

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley your comments leads to some questions.
1.Was Giles dressed in his damned attractive Bunny Girls get up.

2.Was Giles Arthur or Martha during the shenigans that followed.

3.Is old Dr Scroggity now brewing ale

4.Was the old Lesbian no 6 too provocative for the evening events ???

I need answers damn you as Mu Tai will probably ask me to explain later(with diagrams)

Newforestandy said...

I find this topic all too coruptive for such a pure sweet and innocent forestite, like myself.

Here in the forest we dont swing, we just have sex with anything we meet as we roam in the forest.

Hammer said...

Before swinging it's best to dress in several layers of plastic wrap and smear yourself with a mixture of disinfectant and horse tranquilizers.

The guy in that pic looks like he should be dating her brother.

Tickersoid said...

I dated her brother, he asked for cash up front.

mutleythedog said...

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley your comments leads to some questions.
1.Was Giles dressed in his damned attractive Bunny Girls get up.

2.Was Giles Arthur or Martha during the shenigans that followed.

3.Is old Dr Scroggity now brewing ale

4.Was the old Lesbian no 6 too provocative for the evening events ???

I need answers damn you as Mu Tai will probably ask me to explain later(with diagrams)

March 14, 2007 10:47 AM


Hmmmm... Giles was wearing a man thong I think so that makes him Arthur, Dr. Scroggity produces an excellent brew which he strains through used medical garments for extra flavour, the Old Lesbian No.6 was off that night as I recall, Mu Tai has been strangely quiet of late and when I saw her outside Lidl the other day she ran off clutching an outsized bag full of economy noodles

Newforestandy said...

so when is your first swinging/well hung event?

First Nations said...

pleasepleaseplease either post a link to the article or a digital photo of the pix! oh please! what a scream!

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley , I fear Mu Tai is hiting the rice wine again , there was probably a few bottles hidden in the noodles , we may have to club together and book her into the priory again.
Hammer the horse tranx sound good , the best kind of date is a comatose one :-)
Tickers , did you ask for 'the Full Welsh' ? no wonder a charge was levied.
NFA , my 'Hot and Hung' advertising was banned after an avalance of complaints to trading standards.
FN sadly the article was on The Times online in the womens section , but sadly they dropped it earlier in the week....probably due to public disgust , but shortly I will relate in a further post a couple of George n Julie related amusing tales

Tickersoid said...

You've heard about 'The Full Welsh' then? I thought the 'special fleece' could only be bought at secure web sites.

mutleythedog said...

tickersoid said...

You've heard about 'The Full Welsh' then? I thought the 'special fleece' could only be bought at secure web sites.


Shall we try that when I am visiting next week - would you like me to bring anything with me? i hope you have spare clothes for me as agreed! I don't want to carry anything as it is hard To Hitch when you have suitcases. Oh Mr Raedwald may be coming as Wales is beyond the terms of his ASBO

Newforestandy said...

Well Sir Beast, If you are going to book Mu Tai into the Priory at Marchwood, you now have to get a Visa as well as going thru the New Forest Border Patrol, these new security measures have been taken mainly to try to cease the escape of the New Forest Nomads who seem to want to infiltrate the rest of the country. To justify the border control position they are also requiring a Visa for anyone staying in the area, this would of course mean staying at the Priory.

I am keen on learning why trading standards complained about your well hung/swinging display, was it due to the lack of hanging well or the lack of swinging?

BEAST said...

Tickers and Mutley , have fun frollicking in Wales , post and pictures requried afterwards.

NFA , one particularly scathing complaint stated thus 'Beast was built like a brick shithouse with insufficient buttresses'....bloody cheek

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