This is possibly going to be a very difficult thing to write , and I apologise is advance if it rambles , lacks structure or doesnt make sense.Get ready here it comes.
Periodically I suffer from depression .
Now by depression I dont mean I feel down in the dumps , miserable whatever , I just become dis attached . A very good doctor I found , explained it in simple terms that the receptors that recieve all the mood altering stuff that swills around in your brain , temporarily stop working.This is all the good stuff that perks you up when something worthy of attention is happening around you , and smooths you down when the time is right.
So basically you go flat , unresponsive , insulated .It feels like your not really there.
Why do I find this difficult to write about ??? frankly , doesnt matter what anyone says , A little nagging voice says ' attention seeking' (actually the little nagging voice is supurflous to requirement Mr C will say it anyways - lol). It also smacks of giving yourself victim status , which I am not , I have a good and demanding job , own my house and car , have no debt and lots of good friends(including you lot) , so bollocks to that!
The good thing is once you realise your there ,its fairly easy to turn it around , chill out and float for a while , eat well , sleep lots and excercise(I have only resorted to the anti depresants once when things got really out of hand) . I luckily have me little old ma , lurking, giving me the old fish eye , she is a past master at spotting this coming on , the nature of the beast is you dont see it yourself , she claims she can tell from the tone of my voice on the phone over a period of weeks , the way she always tells me is youve 'Belly flopped' go sort it out......he he a woman of few words when it comes to essentials.
I apologise in advance if my posting and commenting is sporadic for a few weeks , as when a manic upswing hits , the house will be cleaned from top to bottom (strangly I find this helps , I dont know why , it makes me feel more in control , and less stressed when the downswing hits) , and I will post and comment like a demon.
I know a few of you out there get this sort of thing , I would be interested to know what makes you feel good when you start the fight back and what really winds you up.
My biggest bug bear with this is it cruelly shows up your more self interested friends , who take enormous offence that you are temporarily not there to fulfill their every need. That can be really harsh , especially if you have spent a lot of time and effort doing stuff for them when its been required , its not like you expecting them to do anything , but throwing a hissy tantrum(and they will) is a bit rich.Anyone doing this this time round will get very short shift , so if you meet anyone with a shocked expression , smouldering hair and the arse ripped out of their pants - you will know why.
Well there you go , it wasn't that difficult to write and I only feel marginally exposed by my me, me, me post , but this is about taking control , metaphorically dragging my embarrassing little flaw into the cold light of day , pointing at it and laughing .
HA HA HA
**** returns to basket weaving*****
- ► 2011 (15)
- ► 2010 (39)
- ► 2009 (87)
- ► 2008 (109)
- ▼ March (8)