Saturday, 17 March 2007

Good for the soul ...or so they say

This is possibly going to be a very difficult thing to write , and I apologise is advance if it rambles , lacks structure or doesnt make sense.Get ready here it comes.
Periodically I suffer from depression .
Now by depression I dont mean I feel down in the dumps , miserable whatever , I just become dis attached . A very good doctor I found , explained it in simple terms that the receptors that recieve all the mood altering stuff that swills around in your brain , temporarily stop working.This is all the good stuff that perks you up when something worthy of attention is happening around you , and smooths you down when the time is right.
So basically you go flat , unresponsive , insulated .It feels like your not really there.

Why do I find this difficult to write about ??? frankly , doesnt matter what anyone says , A little nagging voice says ' attention seeking' (actually the little nagging voice is supurflous to requirement Mr C will say it anyways - lol). It also smacks of giving yourself victim status , which I am not , I have a good and demanding job , own my house and car , have no debt and lots of good friends(including you lot) , so bollocks to that!

The good thing is once you realise your there ,its fairly easy to turn it around , chill out and float for a while , eat well , sleep lots and excercise(I have only resorted to the anti depresants once when things got really out of hand) . I luckily have me little old ma , lurking, giving me the old fish eye , she is a past master at spotting this coming on , the nature of the beast is you dont see it yourself , she claims she can tell from the tone of my voice on the phone over a period of weeks , the way she always tells me is youve 'Belly flopped' go sort it out......he he a woman of few words when it comes to essentials.

I apologise in advance if my posting and commenting is sporadic for a few weeks , as when a manic upswing hits , the house will be cleaned from top to bottom (strangly I find this helps , I dont know why , it makes me feel more in control , and less stressed when the downswing hits) , and I will post and comment like a demon.
I know a few of you out there get this sort of thing , I would be interested to know what makes you feel good when you start the fight back and what really winds you up.

My biggest bug bear with this is it cruelly shows up your more self interested friends , who take enormous offence that you are temporarily not there to fulfill their every need. That can be really harsh , especially if you have spent a lot of time and effort doing stuff for them when its been required , its not like you expecting them to do anything , but throwing a hissy tantrum(and they will) is a bit rich.Anyone doing this this time round will get very short shift , so if you meet anyone with a shocked expression , smouldering hair and the arse ripped out of their pants - you will know why.

Well there you go , it wasn't that difficult to write and I only feel marginally exposed by my me, me, me post , but this is about taking control , metaphorically dragging my embarrassing little flaw into the cold light of day , pointing at it and laughing .
**** returns to basket weaving*****


Anonymous said...

Sorry dahling am i missing sumthing here! your always dull and boring .. but we all love you here at otter towers.. ie mincer cottage... eny how youve got the boys for a few days so that will cheers you up... i can see by the fear in there eyes there looking forward to there stay with you.. pls no cheese or bread for alfie... or dog biscuits ect.. lloyd mentioned sumthing about he can onley eat staek when hes at yours im not too sure watt hes on about... also as a friend have you tryed cocaine it seems to wrk for me .. eny how im woffling.. oh yea this will make you laugh we found the party but frobisher fell in too a ditch and fucked his knee up and was rolling on the floor crying .. i wet myself watching him in pain.. lol im post about this he can bearly walk


BEAST said...

We have all told 'Fashion first' Frobisher that a combination of stilettos , drink , dark country lanes and advancing years are not a good mix......but he wont listen...
I am looking forward to having the boys to stay , I am fully aware of Alfie's 'super model' dietary requirements , and have a big bag of crispy delicious pigs ears for our crap telly and snacking fest.I will be munching mainly crisps and jaffa cakes as I complain loudly about 'Ugly Betty' and American Idol

Aunty Marianne said...

That's Churchill's Black Dog, who makes you feel all worthless and suicidal and dead inside, and he bays at my door too. I fend him off with a combo of baking bread, an occasional sunbed, and when things get VERY bad, Monteverdi's Vespers of the Blessed Virgin played pigeon-scaringly loud. I also tell my friends. They make sure they call me every day.

Oddly enough the Black Dog has not been around since the bone tumor business. I've seen his shadow, but he hasn't bayed. I think my psyche decided that when it came down to the wire, it really did want to live. I heard the same once from someone who survived a plane crash.

Not that I advocate life-risking activities, but if one comes along it may help.

Lippy said...

*Me too* - and I resorted to the pills for almost two years!

Bread making is a goody, and I'm with you on the cleaning for some sort of control. Walking, although when I'm really bad I can't bear to walk to far from home and have a really embarassing habit of bursting into tears if anyone talks to just bear that one in mind.

I find reading difficult when I'm not well - but something a bit steady on the telly is quite calming, a few Morse DVD's are quite soothing.

First Nations said...

i go on the attack.
full on monty python, comedies on the dvd, 'up' reading, hendrix live, all my favorite things, full bore. (a good comedy or 'the good guys prevail' type movie does wonders for a quick fix.)
i also do directed meditations; ram das' 'be here now' and positive message stuff.

yeah, i take 60 mg of prozac, but i still get depressed..its just that it goes away, now. instead of like before, when it didn't. and proactive behaviors make it go away sooner. this really works.
poor beast, it's no fun at all. feel better at once! XOO my darling!

Anonymous said...

Always assumed you were slightly bonkers Mr B - I know I am. Avoid the booze and whatever you do don't listen to My Chemical Romance.

Newforestandy said...

I hope you have the carpet shampooh ready for the return of the hounds of the baskerville?

WHen your down, can we hire you to do our housecleaning too?

Take all the time you need to recover, i think life has its ups and downs for us all! esp the sensitive ones!

frobisher said...

I only need one more signature to get him sectioned!

BEAST said...

So we have proactive bread making while watching monty python while snorting coccaine off a blessed virgin , and I have to burst into tears if anyone speaks to me.......see now I feel better already.
Frobisher is only trying to get me sectioned so he can make off with the dysons Mr C hasn't already 'liberated'.I am a bit tired today , trying to get a refreshing nights sleep under a pile of farting , grumbling dogs doesnt work out too well.
NFA The Beast SENSITIVE ??????.
***snatches sweet from orphan****
Mutley I object to the term 'slightly bonkers' ...ABSOLUTLEY RAVING MAD is all I will accept , if you are going to do something it right....least thats what the voices told me to say :-).

Thank you all for you top ten depression busters.
If i dissapear iether the dogs have eaten me or Frobisher has had me locked up and is making free with my underwear drawer

Newforestandy said...

Sorry not sure how sensitive slipped in, it slipped thru my lips, lol.

Frobisher is welcome to all your undies, unless you have a few jocks hidden in your drawers?

If you are sectioned to the priory, and locked away, I will make a cake and insert a few tools in it to aid your escape. I can arrange for the Lymington Trollup to organise transportation to aid your escape too, although it might be using one of the old Naggs

Tickersoid said...

So if your Sarah Tonin happy whoremoans are stopped from being produced by say, eating chocolate etc, how can anything cheer you up?

I'm so glad I don't suffer any of this kind of thing.

Hope it sorts it's self out for you soon.

Anonymous said...

I am always available for a visit if you need an undemanding and cheerful companion .... I could invite Ms Smack again.. **Grins invitingly**

frobisher said...

Mutley! He was ok till that threesome with you and ms smack!!

Mental Mac said...

I am sure the latest bout was just caused by Red Nose Day. I felt very evil about the whole thing. Poeple excitedly running around the office, having fun. Won't hear of it.

So what did this doctor say to do; eat nice food, take exercise and make a native American dream catcher from the feathers in one of your pillows?

I tried St Johns Wart. I am not sure how many toes he has, but I have one on a cord around my neck, mwah ha ha.

Mental Mac said...

No beastly response. Should a search party be formed?

Mental Mac said...

I am getting scared. Has the entire online community taken a day off and not invited me. Now I am pissed. Sniff. Sniff.


BEAST said...

NFA , I have been banned from the priory due to a bit of an incident with Mu Tai , Robby Williams , Kate Moss and Elton John's hair weave , I think they let Mu Tai out of solitary confinement later this week.
Tickers I like chocolate especially walnut whips.
Mutley I am not having Ms Smack in my house again , I have only just got the stains off the sofa from last time.
MM sorry I was running around after my four legged house guests yesterday and had a bit of a mularkey in Luxembourg so didnt get much time for blogging.You are right about Red Nose Day , its not the event itself , its the attention seeking wankers that pop out of the woodwork rattling buckets and being all happy clappy cheerful that get me down.They never do anything I would like to pay money to see , like boil themselves in oil.....I would happily pay a pound for that

Anonymous said...

How about we bring around some nice Chinese take away?

Newforestandy said...

Mutley, which part of China are you proposing to takeaway?

I didn't realise you had been banned from the Priory (as well as most other places), Sir Beast

Anonymous said...

Mu Tai specials!!

BEAST said...

Has Mu Tai made a spectacular return from the Priory , all dried out , she will probably mixing with her new buddy's Kate Moss, Pete Docherty and Robbie.

Anonymous said...

I saw her on Living TV last night - just behind Kate Moss carrying her handbag - oh dear!

Newforestandy said...

Does this mean Mu Tai was looking after Kate's drug supply? that doesn't sound good

BABY JESUS said...

Tourette syndrome (also called Tourette's syndrome, Tourette's disorder, Gilles de la Tourette syndrome, GTS or, more commonly, simply Tourette's or TS) is an inherited fucking neurological disorder with onset in ahem childhood, characterized by the presence of multiple physical bastard (motor) tics and at least one vocal kahooooo (phonic) tic; these tics characteristically wax and wane. Tourette's is defined as part of a spectrum of tic disorders, which includes transient and chronic tic tic tics.

Tourette's was once considered a rare and bizarre syndrome, most often associated with the exclamation of obscene worms or socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks (coprolalia). However, this symptom is present in only a small minority of arse people with Tourette's. Tourette's is no longer considered a rare condition, but it may not always be correctly identified because most cases are classified as mild. Since the incidence may be as high as one in a hundred people. School-age children may have Tourette's, with the more common tics of eye blinking, coughing, throat clearing, sniffing, and facial moo moo movements. People with Tourette's have normal life expectancy and intelligence ha. The severity of the tics decreases for most children as they pass through adolescence , and extreme Tourette's in adulthood is a rarity. Notable individuals with Tourette's are found in all walks of life.

Genetic and environmental factors each play a role in the etiology of Tourette's, but the exact causes are unknown. In most cases, medication is fuck unnecessary. There is no effective medication for every case of tics, but there are medications and therapies that can help when their use is wooooo warranted. Explanation and reassurance alone are often sufficient treatment; education is an important part of any treatment plan.

The eponym was bestowed by Jean-Martin Charcot (1825–93) on behalf of his resident, Georges Albert Édouard Brutus Gilles de la Tourette (1859–1904), a French physician and neurologist , who published an account of nine patients with Tourette's in 1885.

Fuck you very much.

BABY JESUS said...


totallyun-pc said...

We've all got an inner voice.... mine makes me eat pies!

BEAST said...

Mutley I hear Hello Mag are interested in doing an article on Mu Tai's charming restaurant....should be fun.
NFA who knows what the minx is up to !
Baby Jesus , thank you for sharing , I wish you had found my blog those long winter evenings would have flown by........
Totallyun_pc ..welcome , I too am partial to the odd pie or current favourite is lamb and apricot.Yum

Lucien Modo said...


You are new to me and I find you oddly charming in a sort of masculine way, though you do seem to rub along with some men of questionable sexual allegiances, not that I am one to judge, it was an observation. Mutley is sexually omnivorous, and this Frobisher fellow..? He looks deeply sunk in sin to me.
Anyway depression! What works for me is meditation.
I also like to watch those thirty second porn clips of fat girls running around.

Cheery Pip

BEAST said...

Lucien , welcome to Beastbite , I thank you for you compliments .I am a libetarian by nature and enjoy the company of anyone who has something to say for themselves regardless of colour creed or sexual preference , unless they themselves make an issue of it.
Except French Canadiens , we cant be doing with them :-)
Long live the champ

Da Nator said...

I take a pill at night and a pill in the morning - have done for years - and I still get depressed sometimes.

It usually helps me to avoid the news, eat good things, and have lots of good sex. Actually, I try to do those things as often as possible...

Old Knudsen said...

Most Bloggers are slightly nuts or depressed, the ones that aren't well you've seen their blogs, heres something I wrote about my own Black dog as Churchill did indeed put it.

BABY JESUS said...

Baby Jesus not looking forward to Easter!

THOCK ouch
THOCK ouch
THOCK ouch

BEAST said...

Da Nator , hello hun , that sounds like a good plan large portions of food and sex :-)

Old knudy....yes I have read those blogs

Good to see the baby jesus is still hanging about

Aunty Marianne said...

You can get a pill for good sex? Dammit. All those years trying to seduce men without having to wash their underwear totally wasted. A pill would be so much easier.

The Hitch said...

sorry to read about that
i have a had a good dose of it myself on occasions, as you say the best cure is rest good food and exercise, my worst ever episode came after i took 30 ecstasy tablets (with cocaine) over a 24 hr period (yes you can do that without dying)
I collapsed emotionally and couldn't stop crying for approx. 48 hours
Haven't taken an E since, nor any other illegal drug for 51 months

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