Wednesday, 29 April 2009
BEASTS TOP TIPS AND INTERESTING FACTS
Mr C is a fount of 'interesting facts'
He informs me a pigs orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
I don't know how he knows this and I am afraid to ask.
I was also enjoying my bacon sandwich up till this point and am now cursing my choice of mayo rather than ketchup .
He also informs me that a male Praying Mantis is incapable of having sex with its head still attached .Therefore the bad tempered female Praying Mantis first rips off her prospective partners head(Yeah like that's unique to the Praying Mantis World !) and then rogers the fresh corpse for all she is worth......nice.
Moving swiftly on ....I am incapable of telling my left from my right.
This used to cause innumerable problems including yelling matches in the car when someone was stupid enough to get me to navigate.
Turn left here Beast would yell , wildly gesticulating in the wrong direction.
Then someone at Karate showed me that if you hold your fingers together and thumb at right angles on your left hand , it makes the letter L , so an easy way to quickly and surreptitiously work out the right from your left.
I was so excited about this top tip , I burbled away to Mr C about how simple and clever it was , and was dreaming of a life filled with direction related incidence where I wouldn't make a complete Arse of myself and without the need to write L and R on my shoes and hands.
It was going to change my life FOREVER.
My ebullience was soon shattered when Mr C harumphed and sarcastically pointed out , that it was also the International Sign of The Loser .
The Beast has Left (GEDDDDIIIIiiiT!!!!!!!%$!!!!) the building
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