Thursday, 2 April 2009

THE LOVE THAT DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME





My evening shift in the slave pits of Cafe C has been transformed.


Transformed dear reader by love.


On shuffling dejectedly towards my 'work station' (The sink) for an evening of drudgery and horror , I noticed something new laying on the draining board . It was a washing up Mitten ,and I have to tell you that once I had overcome my initial scorn and slipped my hand into its moist welcoming opening , I am besotted.


Its the best damn washing up related equipment EVER .



BEASTY 4 MITTEN 4 EVER


At the end of the perfect shift as I whispered


I love you mitten


having formed a little mitten puppet fist and whispered back


I love you too Beast


the ambiance was shattered by a voice dripping with sarcasm that sneered I think you need to get out more



A tender moment between man and mitten destroyed by the bitter Mr C.


Some people will never understand



52 comments:

scarlet-blue said...

Good grief...
Sx

scarlet-blue said...

You can always play with your love mitten under your desk...
Sx

The Old Tarf said...

You better tie a string on the mitten. So you do not lose it like the little kitten. Who lost her mittens.

Scarlet-blue- said it well "GOOD GRIEF".

Ponita in Real Life said...

Mr C is so cruel... is that what the 'C' stands for?

No respect for others' affections... or is that affectations?

MJ said...

No glove, no love.

gordon ramsey said...

Please don't tell me you washed up a load of dirty plates with the glass polisher

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
Good grief...


You can always play with your love mitten under your desk...

My Love mitten will just be our sordid little secret Miss S

BEAST said...

The Old Tarf said...
You better tie a string on the mitten. So you do not lose it like the little kitten. Who lost her mittens.

Scarlet-blue- said it well "GOOD GRIEF".
A string would ruin its beauty Tarf , hows your condo coming along ????

BEAST said...

Ponita in Real Life said...
Mr C is so cruel... is that what the 'C' stands for?

No respect for others' affections... or is that affectations?
None of us choose who or what we love Ponita . Just try the washing up mitten yourself and you too will be smitten

eroswings said...

Smitten with a Mitten!

Do you have an exclusive relationship with the Mitten or do other people have access?

BEAST said...

MJ said...
No glove, no love.
The Next Filthy Friday post is writing itself Miss MJ . I keep leaving comments on your blog and they dissapear :-( , I will try again in a bit

BEAST said...

gordon ramsey said...
Please don't tell me you washed up a load of dirty plates with the glass polisher
Errrrm , I think I might of done
****slinks off looking guilty ****

BEAST said...

eroswings said...
Smitten with a Mitten!

Do you have an exclusive relationship with the Mitten or do other people have access?
Well eros , sounds like Mr Ramsay has been polishing his glasses with it....I hope thats not a euphemism

MJ said...

I keep leaving comments on your blog and they dissapear :-( , I will try again in a bit

Well perhaps you should double check after you publish the comments as I have not heard from you in a couple of days.

Anonymous said...

reading this just makes me wont to burn the it!!!

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
reading this just makes me wont to burn the it!!!
Pfffft I bet you sleeping with it under your pillow .....or worse :-)

BEAST said...

MJ said...
I keep leaving comments on your blog and they dissapear :-( , I will try again in a bit

Well perhaps you should double check after you publish the comments as I have not heard from you in a couple of days.
I didnt comment yesterday as I wasnt here , but my comments from this morning vapourised .I will try again
NOW

Mrs Pouncer said...

Yes, you see, this sort of discourse makes me want to break down and cry. Do you not employ drudges for this sort of work, Beastums? I do. My dear old char, Mrs Rumteigh, would scorn an ablution mitten. I bought the sumptuous old slattern a wheeled aluminium bucket for her birthday and watched the tears of joy spring to her sightless eyes.

MJ said...

Mrs. P called you Beastums.

tee hee

BEAST said...

Mrs Pouncer said...
Yes, you see, this sort of discourse makes me want to break down and cry. Do you not employ drudges for this sort of work, Beastums? I do. My dear old char, Mrs Rumteigh, would scorn an ablution mitten. I bought the sumptuous old slattern a wheeled aluminium bucket for her birthday and watched the tears of joy spring to her sightless eyes.
I may stalk the corridors of international finance by day Mrs P ,but I am at heart an old scrubber . One likes to keep grounded.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Mrs. P called you Beastums.

tee hee
Would you like to stroke my mitten Miss MJ ????

MJ said...

I'd like to slap you with a wet loofah!

KAZ said...

'A little mitten puppet fist' - oh how lovely. Much better than the little fist at mj's place today.
You are such a nice boy Beastie.

UBERMOUTH said...

Don't. Go.There. She's probably got a mate under the sink . This is going to end badly.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
I'd like to slap you with a wet loofah!

You Minx Miss MJ , you want to spank Beasties pert and rosy little botty with your sodden loofer . You will have to join the queue

BEAST said...

KAZ said...
'A little mitten puppet fist' - oh how lovely. Much better than the little fist at mj's place today.
You are such a nice boy Beastie.
Its true Miss Kaz , I am a rosey cheeked , wholesome specimen of English Manhood :-)

BEAST said...

UBERMOUTH said...
Don't. Go.There. She's probably got a mate under the sink . This is going to end badly.

At the mention of a mitten Miss Mj has gone over board with this weeks Filthy Fisting Friday offering

scarlet-blue said...

And from this day forth you will always be known as Beastums... thank you, Mrs P...
Sx

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
And from this day forth you will always be known as Beastums... thank you, Mrs P...

Not if I have anything to do with it I won't
Harumph

MJ said...

Beastums Beastums Beastums.

Also known as Mr. PoopyPants.

BEAST said...

Someone is asking for a Norwegian Fish Whupping
***Glares at MJ

MJ said...

How would your English manhood like a whup with an Arbroath smokie?

scarlet-blue said...

Okay, how about: Mr Beastieweastie coochy-face...???
I think this works.
Sx

MJ said...

Mr. Stinky Bottom.

mapstew said...

Hey Beast, you funny. I like funny. I like you.

BEAST said...

MJ said...
How would your English manhood like a whup with an Arbroath smokie?
Oh THAT's why I can smell kippers
***sprays MJ with femfresh***

BEAST said...

scarlet-blue said...
Okay, how about: Mr Beastieweastie coochy-face...???
I think this works.
MJ said...
Mr. Stinky Bottom.

Shut up Copperknob and Pissy Pants

BEAST said...

mapstew said...
Hey Beast, you funny. I like funny. I like you.

Welcome Mapstew , you will have to excuse the rest of the riff raff that hang around in here . Apparently the faint whiff of kippers is an abroath smokey not Miss MJ's knickers(This time)

Scarlet-Blue said...

I'll have you know that the only knob I have is on my door.
Gooday Mr Beastums.
*slams door on leaving*
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

*sneaks back*
I meant 'good day'.
*leaves quietly*
Sx

BEAST said...

Scarlet-Blue said...
I'll have you know that the only knob I have is on my door.
Gooday Mr Beastums.
*slams door on leaving*
Sx

*sneaks back*
I meant 'good day'.
*leaves quietly*
HA ! that ruined your big old dramatic flounce :-)
***sniggers***

mutleythedog said...

I know what you meant Mr. B... maybe you should have kept this one a bit quiet?

Pink Drama said...

poor thing. next thing you know you'll be talking to a coloring book of my little ponies about how pretty they are.

could be worse - you could be three and think that if you touch your penis more than necessary it'll fall off.

BEAST said...

mutleythedog said...
I know what you meant Mr. B... maybe you should have kept this one a bit quiet?

Some theiving gypsy has trousered the Mitten Mr M , so its back to the manky J clothes :-(

BEAST said...

Pink Drama said...
poor thing. next thing you know you'll be talking to a coloring book of my little ponies about how pretty they are.
Pfffft My Little Pony is for girls

could be worse - you could be three and think that if you touch your penis more than necessary it'll fall off.

Define 'More than necessary' :-)

Pink Drama said...

more than necessary - i'm guessing that means only to tinkle with. they're using his older sister as an example. they told fred that his sister touched hers too much and hers fell off. both children were horrified.

Daisy said...

ummm...what all did you do with that mitten outside of washing?

BEAST said...

Pink Drama said...
more than necessary - i'm guessing that means only to tinkle with. they're using his older sister as an example. they told fred that his sister touched hers too much and hers fell off. both children were horrified.

Good Lord , that may take years of therapy to get over . Parents are so cruel

BEAST said...

Daisy said...
ummm...what all did you do with that mitten outside of washing?

Nothing Miss daisy , we were purely sink buddies . and now its gone :-(

mapstew said...

Aaaaahh... kippers....mmmmmmmmmmmm!

Ms Smack said...

hahahah funny!

Princess said...

Why Mr Beast,
What an epic love story, you leave me smitten with envy, who would have thought that Mr beast had finally found true love with a mitten?!
Love seems to find you in the most unlikeley of places!
Even under the kitchen sink.
It would seem that there is hope for Princess yet!

Luv Princess XXX

*Princess turns and skips off gleefully toward the royal kitchen to rummage through her drawers*

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