Friday, 13 June 2008

BEASTIES BOOK CLUB HOLIDAY SPECIAL


With the summer holidays looming , I have been trawling the publishing world to bring you a reading list that will make you THE most talked about of the poolside sunbathers.


First up is a fascinating tale of tats n spoons.
Real booker prize winner stuff if I am any judge.












My second choice has been number 1 in the Canadian bestsellers list for 59 weeks. Those crazy Canadians really know their cheese.Miss MJ ensures me it has all the elements of a rattling good yarn , adventure , romance , sizzling sex and lots of cheese.
















Number 3 .
Giddy up girls !!
Torrid tales of equestrian high jinks.You can almost smell the leather , hear the clink of the brasses and feel the bite of those spurs.
So settle back , saddle up that latest mount , get the bit between you teeth and lean into those stirrups
Pony Club was never this exciting











Number 4 is a thrilling peek into the world of tea bag folding.
No more expensive holiday activities , save money and save the planet at the same time.Amaze you family and fast dwindling circle of friends with hours of wholesome teabag related fun.











This meaty tome needs no introduction from the Beast. The title says it all.
Another 'riveting' (in more ways than one) read.

63 comments:

Just Bob said...

I'm buying Amazon stock right now as I am sure sales will be skyrocketing with this advertising!

Gorilla Bananas said...

The lesbian one seems like the pick of the bunch. How many lesbian readers does this blog have? More than its fair share, I think.

BEAST said...

Just Bob said...
I'm buying Amazon stock right now as I am sure sales will be skyrocketing with this advertising!
One like to do one bit to help the economy Mr Bob

BEAST said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
The lesbian one seems like the pick of the bunch. How many lesbian readers does this blog have? More than its fair share, I think.

One doesnt like to pry , as to the peccadillo's of one readership Mr B. Ones sex life is between you and the person your doing it to , as far as the beast is concerned

MJ said...

Your cheese theory is full of holes.

*ducks to prevent receiving a teabagging from Beast*

BEAST said...

Teabagging indeed !
Harumph

INNER VOICES said...

OOO000OOOO000.... tea bag folding!! lesbian equestrian tales and more! i'll be up all night!!!

MJ said...

Have any of these been featured on Richard and Judy?

FirstNations said...

personally i found the sequel, Tattooed Women and Spoon Boxes of British Columbia to be a huge letdown, featuring as it did far too many pictures of MJ's tattooed 'spoonbox'. all of them had to be printed on foldouts.
although if you want to find your way around Yellowknife, look her up. thats the tattoo!

livesbythewoods said...

I can't believe there is a book called Pentrating Wagner's Ring.

I feel soiled now.

MJ said...

If this is to be a proper book club, there should be refreshments.

Shall I prepare a CHEESE platter?

*notes that Nations needs to use her finger to read*

INNER VOICES said...

AND THERE IS CHEESE!!!! wow this is the best book club ever...

*looks around to see if any are books on tape*

Hammer said...

We would find those in the bargain bin outside the store. Excellent commode reading!

MJ said...

Books on tape...excellent idea, Voices.

But I'd prefer if Beast would come to our bedsides at night, tuck us in, and read aloud 'til we drift off into slumber.

INNER VOICES said...

*shudders at the thought*

im not quite sure if tea bag folding and spoonbox tattoos makes for sweet dreams eh?

*slips mjs old man mag into beasts dresser drawer, finds huge stash already there with the faces changed. oddly they all look like beast*

aaaarrrgggghhhhh....

*runs off*

Letty Cruz said...

... My quick-read of the tea book title was "Tea-bagging..."

Now THAT would be a scorching read.

Letty Cruz said...

-- aaaHA! I see I'm not alone in the tea-bag gutter ;D

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Are the horses lesbians, too? Or is it just the lesbians that are lesbians?

BEAST said...

INNER VOICES said...
OOO000OOOO000.... tea bag folding!! lesbian equestrian tales and more! i'll be up all night!!!
Exciting isn't it Mr Voices

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Have any of these been featured on Richard and Judy?
Probably not but Richard and Judy have no taste Miss MJ

BEAST said...

FirstNations said...
personally i found the sequel, Tattooed Women and Spoon Boxes of British Columbia to be a huge letdown, featuring as it did far too many pictures of MJ's tattooed 'spoonbox'. all of them had to be printed on foldouts.
although if you want to find your way around Yellowknife, look her up. thats the tattoo!

Is yellowknife a big place then Miss FN , I amagined Miss MJ would have a delicate spoonbox

BEAST said...

livesbythewoods said...
I can't believe there is a book called Pentrating Wagner's Ring.

I feel soiled now.

Sadly Miss LBTW , its available in wipe clean hard back

BEAST said...

MJ said...
If this is to be a proper book club, there should be refreshments.

Shall I prepare a CHEESE platter?

*notes that Nations needs to use her finger to read*

You Canadians and your insatiable cheese yearnings. Are you sure thats Miss Nations finger , not one she has hacked off of the last person who upset her ???

BEAST said...

INNER VOICES said...
AND THERE IS CHEESE!!!! wow this is the best book club ever...

*looks around to see if any are books on tape*

No book list is complete without a cheese related title Mr Voices , If your tiredof cheese your tired of life.....

BEAST said...

Hammer said...
We would find those in the bargain bin outside the store. Excellent commode reading!
Who would banish Miss MJ's Tattooed spoonbox to the bargain bin , It will be on the bestsellers list for a very long time

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Books on tape...excellent idea, Voices.

But I'd prefer if Beast would come to our bedsides at night, tuck us in, and read aloud 'til we drift off into slumber.

***plumps Miss MJ's pillows and tries to ignore the Malibu Barbie bedding set***

BEAST said...

INNER VOICES said...
*shudders at the thought*

im not quite sure if tea bag folding and spoonbox tattoos makes for sweet dreams eh?

*slips mjs old man mag into beasts dresser drawer, finds huge stash already there with the faces changed. oddly they all look like beast*

aaaarrrgggghhhhh....

*runs off*

We could just stick to tales of Hot Lesbian High Jinx then Mr Voices and maybe a little cheese...I will leave Wagners ring for another time

BEAST said...

Letty Cruz said...
... My quick-read of the tea book title was "Tea-bagging..."

Now THAT would be a scorching read.


-- aaaHA! I see I'm not alone in the tea-bag gutter ;D

You have indeed been pipped at the post by Miss MJ . I had no idea what it was until I clicked on Miss MJ's link , it has bought a whole new dimension to afternoon tea chez Beasty

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
Are the horses lesbians, too? Or is it just the lesbians that are lesbians?
I am not sure it matters IVD , someone still has there feet in the stirrups

FirstNations said...

Do they tell you what happens AFTER you penetrate Wagners' Ring? Is there a party? Is that what the decorative teabagging instructions are for? A BITCH IS CONFUSED HERE!

BEAST said...

Miss FN I think a fat chick in a winged helmet and rivetted corset with big pointy bazooka's belts out a few tunes.
Sounds a bit like cabaret night onthe gay cruise from hell I guess

Lippy said...

This is an excerpt from your application to be the new librarian on that gay cruise ship isn't it!?..........I can read you like a book.

Frobisher said...

Oh, MJ did the teabagging joke

*sulks*

MJ said...

Perhaps Mr. Frobisher can give us a teabagging demonstration.

BEAST said...

Lippy . What a hidious idea.Not sure the Spoonboxes and cheese will go down too well.

Frobisher . You have to get up pretty early to beat Miss MJ to the smut.

Miss MJ . I will leave you and Mr Frobisher alone for a while , if your lucky he may show you his PG Tips.

EmmaK said...

How in the name of God did that teabagging book get published? I mean the number of teabag folders must be in single digits?

Anonymous said...

I'm not going to be buying any books anytime soon, and there will be no books of laketravistee's published.

enuf said.

What you do to others comes back to you.

It's called karma.

BEAST said...

Emmak , God alone knows , maybe there are loads of secret teabag folders out there (Teabagging is something entirely different )

Anon . Thats iliteracy not Karma :-)

The Old Tarf said...

Enjoyed your book club read. Although as a Coffee drinker. I find the "Tea Bag Folding" a little stewed for my taste.

As to the Cheese book on the best seller list here. in Nova Scotia, we cannot afford to buy cheese as all the Cheese is out west or in Upper Canada. Same as all our fish goes to the rest of Canada and we have to make do with imports.

MJ said...

Tarf - Could you send us some Atlantic Salmon?

David Suzuki doesn't want us eating the Pacific Salmon as their numbers are low.

BEAST said...

Miss MJ , how about some Nice tinned salmon????

Tarf , I am sure Miss MJ will send you some cheese from her stash.

Dear all Cafe C has finally opened its doors , and I am running about a bit on top of my day job helping with a few days of loose end tying.
So If I am scant on my comments for a couple of days Its Mr C's fault
I can hear Miss MJ moaning already , but as I cant comment on her 'porn stylee' site from work , and spend all evening travelling and doing stuff ....tough titty :-)

MJ said...

*stuffs a wheel of Canadian Bleu Bénédictin up the arses of both Beast AND Mr. C*

Oh stop your blubbering.

It's a semi-soft.

MJ said...

You're lucky I have to get off to work now or I'd spend all day here complaining about the lack of customer service.

MJ said...

And you can forget about me hosting next month's Book Club meeting.

BEAST said...

See I told ya :-(

mutleythedog said...

You have not published details of any of those 'special' porn books you sold me for only $500 last year... do you think I could recoup by selling them on?

MJ said...

You could at least serve up some refreshments while we're forced to wait here for you.

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley , they were for 'personal use' only, as there are not many people who enjoy intimacy with baked comestables.
Scone anyone ???

***Floats past Miss MJ with a selection of hot nibbles , cheese and pineaple on cocktail sticks and weeners ****

The Old Tarf said...

Mj- All the Atlantic salmon goes out west and to Ontario.
I can get you some pacific salmon as it is in the stores out here. I am sure Suzuki wouldn't mind a BBQ either.

Donn said...

What's life without cheese?
LONGER!

puts on Herr 'V'agner'z Flight of das Valkyries on the turntable...

cue bkgd explosions and cue Robert Duvall..

"Lesbians don't surf!
I love the smell of teabagging in the morning...
smells like..
victory!"

MJ said...

Are they cocktail weenies?

Let's see how many I can put in my mouth at once.

Just don't serve me pickled baby corn. Don't bring it anywhere near me. Mutant corn!

MJ said...

Tarf - Obey David Suzuki.

BEAST said...

Old Tarf , Donn and Miss MJ , there is a bit of a Canadian , cheese , salmon and weenies and teabagging orgy going on here.....will there be another trainer clad servered foot washed up soon ????

MJ said...

"Servered" foot, Beast?

No, the foot will not be served.

This is a classy establishment.

No shoes, no service.

BEAST said...

Bugger! I meant severed
It was an overheated brain attached to frustrated fingers
A great big sausage fingered typing mess
***takes medication***

MJ said...

I asked for fish fingers; not sausage fingers.

This caff is off to a bad start.

BEAST said...

The customer is always right Miss MJ
If its fishy fingers you want
Have a sniff of these
****waves fingers at MJ****

MJ said...

*sniffs*

Have you been playing doctor with Ms. Nations again?

BEAST said...

Miss MJ I have been Mr C's kitchen slave , but now I am freed from serfdom for the weekend and may even post something :-)

MJ said...

Mr C untied your apron strings, did he?

BEAST said...

Shoved me out the door with nothing but a stale old bagguette that the dogs wouldn't eat for me dinner

MJ said...

I suggest you shove the stale baguette down your trousers to give the illusion of a crotch.

Daisy said...

i'd show you my tat but you have to ask real nice ;)

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