Tuesday, 3 June 2008


The Beast is back , and what a weekend its been !.

As we know it was finally , completion on Cafe C .

Friday started so well , early optimistic start with Mr C , we trundled off to Dorchester for Mr C to check inventory and sign contracts and pick up keys and stuff.

Sadly the current owners had flogged off half the inventory and left the kitchens and accommodation in an absolute disgusting state.

To cut a long story short Mr C had a justified major tantrum .I don't think the hapless fools knew what hit them . The one thing that stood out in the dreadful verbal mauling was Mr C's wild protestations that he had just packed up and moved from his house leaving it spotless.

Beast had to make a conscious effort at this point , not to run screaming from the building before the Thunderbolt of Truth struck leaving nothing but a smoldering crater .

What a fibber......anyways , eventually exchange and completion was achieved , after replacement of disputed inventory and the current owners limped off , sobbing gently ,with the seats ripped out of their pants .

Then began a weekend of hard labour , deep kitchen and apartment clean , furniture move etc etc . Frobisher and Family C , were all roped in to join the merry throng.

Beasts final task was to go and clear out the vacated Mincer Cottage , which has purportedly been left spotless .....pah.... three hours of furious cleaning later a broken Beast tackled the final room


Now it looked like someone had emptied the bins in there , there was a morass of paper and general detritus all over the floor , So I swept it all into a big pile and bagged it ready for the refuse collectors.

How wrong I was , imagine how foolish I felt when it transpired that this was a fiendishly complex organic filing system and I inadvertently binned some 'VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS' that were precision placed in amongst the half eaten pork pies , beer cans, odd socks , old underpants and dismembered newspapers.

Following a terrible lecture and Mr C 's torchlit scrabbling in refuse bags a chasened Beast departed clutching his asthmatically wheezing dyson , fleeing across the moonlit Dorset countryside pursued by damning text messages like the veritable bats out of hell.

On the plus side Mincer Cottage wasn't just clean......IT WAS FECKING BEAST CLEAN , BABY!


Gorilla Bananas said...

I can't see this project making money without transvestite waiters (waitresses?). People want entertainment as well as good food these days.

Lost said...

Ungrateful git. How dare he be pissed that you had cleaned??? When someone else is cleaning up your garbage you keep your mouth shut. Just my opinion of course LOL.
Hope the cafe goes well though.

MJ said...

The odd socks and old underpants could have been used as dust rags.

How very wasteful.

BEAST said...

Mr Bananas . Tranny waiters may shed false eyelashes and worse in your dinner . Also I think they are a bit scary.

Lost . The Beast has a broad back and a generally placid personality . So I just wander off deftly doging hurled objects , muttering to meself.

Miss MJ . I bet you would be cavorting about with the undies stretched over your head....you minx

The Old Tarf said...

You could have used the half eaten pork pies and sold them half price. ( advertised them as seniors portions)

It is a difficult venture to go into running a cafe. I do hope all goes well. I remember all to well the hoops and red tape there is. Good thing you had a signed agreement of purchase and sale to ensure the goods and chattels were there as agreed upon.

Sounds like you are a very good friend indeed. I need some dusting done here in Nova Scotia, if you are interested.

BEAST said...

Tarf , Its Mr C's Business , I am just the hired help(or hinderance) when required :-).
So I get to dodge all the stress and problems and just clean stuff

Daisy said...

i just choose to do the moving myself...i call in help for the large furniture only because i can no longer lift the weight i used to...i cannot imagine asking someone else to clean my apartment to move...you must be a good friend to help like you did...could have used you myself (only mine wasnt such a mess :)

BEAST said...

Yo Daisy , to be fair I said I would go in and clean the old place while Mr C got on with sorting out stuff for the cafe.
I am good at cleanig , I like getting stuck in and you get a visible result at the end of it.
I like a bit of good honest graft.
It was great having the two lads with the van to do the move , made it much quicker when time was short.
I am just bemoaning the fact , I failed to measure up to impossible perfection :-(

MJ said...

When you're finished dusting the Old Tarf's house, head west to my house.

I'll swaddle you in a big nappy and set you on the floor.

You can slide from room to room on your bottom, dusting the floors as you go.

BEAST said...

Miss MJ , I amthru with cleaning for a while , my new thing is makin a mess :-)
***strains and fills diaper on MJ's floor****

MJ said...

Oh dear, we'll have to powder that bottom before someone gets a nasty rash.

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

Maybe I should enlist you as The Official WCSN Body Hair Caretaker and De-Tangler.

BEAST said...

Miss MJ ,It is concidered bad manner in the old country to interfere with a chaps nappy.

Champ , I have a super strength wire brush

Lippy said...

Do you know something scary ..Mr C behaves exactly like a HUSBAND!

Maybe if you point this out to him he'll stop!

Frobisher said...

Does that make Beast the wife?

Did you see my "Cabaret" dvd on your travels?

BEAST said...

Lippy . Mr C acts exactly like an arse

Frobisher . No but I did find some Babara Cartlands....yours????

BEAST said...

Aww my last comment was a bit harsh , poor old Mr C is just a bit stressed at present and I happened to blunder into the firing line :-)


sooooo.... things went well then?

BEAST said...

He He ,voices , broadly speaking yes they did. We got shed loads done in a short space of time

The Old Tarf said...

it is better- less headaches but great place to get a good meal. and do dishes if you forgot your wallet.

Web Page up and running for trip pics if you want to have a look. have a nice weekend.

Leah said...

This post was so funny that it slapped my own funny right out of my mouth. So I don't have anything funny to say back at you. Just that I LOLed out loud.

Anonymous said...

I have been in a coma for 48 hours... I hope you ar happy that is all! I hope you are happy......

FirstNations said...

my ex husband and mr. C could get together and swap filing techniques. then Mr. C could tie him to a tree next to the side of a remote country road with his pants around his ankles while the roar of motorcycles grows louder in the distance....

*puts down Tom of Finland collection, wipes sweaty brow*

BEAST said...

Old Tarf. I shall wander over and have a look at the trip pics....is there any gratuitous nudity ???

Leah . Awww ta , we aim to please.

Mutley ,. I warned you about snorting Cillit bang....you need to build up a tolerance.

Miss FN . Welcome back from the 'porn zone' . Does this fantasy feature a particular type of tree (Plant Nerd porn ???) I am strangley drawn to a curvacious Horse Chestnut.

Donn said...

Cleanliness is next to Beastliness..

Inexplicable DeVice said...

That final image of you and the Dyson fleeing those text-bats has made my day!

BEAST said...

Donn , How very true.

IVD it was like something from a Tim Burton film :-)

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