Saturday, 7 June 2008


The Beast has been very much in demand the last few weeks.
Is it because of my pleasant personality , fantastic good looks and sparkling wit , I hear you ask ??
Errr no
Its because I will work live a slave for a sandwich and a cup of coffee.
As you are gagging to know what I was up to today , and because I have a good understanding how the average Beastbites reader's mind works.
I have made it all very simple

1. Decorating MR C's Back passage

This is what your thinking

There is no point in denying it , we know you so well

Reality is much less interesting

2.Trimming Mrs Gaskins Bush

You just cant help yourselves can you !
Stop sniggering at the back!

Once again a simple explanation.
I hope you feel thoroughly ashamed of yourselves.
You all have very dirty minds

3.Miss First Nations secret garden fetish .

Miss Nations may have made scathing remarks about the toilet planter.

Beatbites reveals the awful truth.


FirstNations said... say that as though there were something unusual or amusing about having a bra planter. god knows ,you could crop watermelons in mine. and STILL have room for .....

*bites tongue until it BLEEDS*

MJ said...

Is that nipplewort?

Daisy said...

ummm beast...i have coffee...and can make sandwiches...little help over here please...hell i will make you a homemade apple pie, biscuits and gravy...whatever your little heart desires...

BEAST said...

FN see I knew it :-)

Miss MJ I didnt know you were a horticulturist

Daisy. But what will I have to do for it ????

Daisy said...

perhaps we can negotiate ;)

BEAST said...

Daisy you minx :-)

Gorilla Bananas said...

I don't see why Miss Nations requires your help. Does she have a cold and need to you sniff her blossoms?

Daisy said...

beast...did you smile? if so then i did it right :)

BEAST said...

Mr Bananas , Miss Nations needs no help from the Beast , her gardening fu is inurmountable.

Yes Daisy you did it right :-))

Frobisher said...

When you've finished all that my house needs painting!

Leah said...

My dog needs his toenails clipped; he's like a Chinese emperor. And he bites me when I try to do it. I can offer you a cold Dr. Pepper.

World Champ Stephen Neal said...

Excellent work, Sir. Your witty remarks just earned you 100 Fighting Points. Bravo!

BEAST said...

Frobisher . You wont have time for that , you will be kitchen portering at Cafe C.

Leah do I get something to eat and all the plasters I can use ???

Champ . Hurrah , if I am not mistaken that puts me ahead of that blighter Frobisher :-)


nice one!!! i'll see if i cant find a banana hammock to hang up and fill with fruit in our garden, fun post!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Mr C appears to have a very large back passage judging by that photo...

Letty Cruz said...

Well since you know I want to:


BEAST said... tasteful :-)

IVD...Wood cladding , a little over the top??? , but stops sagging I am told.

Miss Cruz , welcome , you look to be a lady of descrimination and good taste......what you doing here ???

Letty Cruz said...

...daaayum...Mrs. Gaskins needs no ordinary bikini wax man -- you need to find a nimble, and courageous, gardener 0__O

Sully Sullivan said...

I'm trying to hold off as late as I can until I eat lunch and that "bush" picture went a long way in helping me do it. Thanks for that.

I really like your blog. So much in fact that I have bookmarked it. If you're ever looking to kill some time, head over to my pop culture comedy blog. Have a great day trimming unruly bush.

Anonymous said...

It is all pretty self explanatory Mr B! It is a pity you are surrounded by perverts.... and sick minded weirdoes... and dirty trolls who relish licking their lips over the seamy and dirty sides of life.

Donn said...

Hopefully that first fellow was treated to Dinner & a Movie.

His expression clearly proves why there should always be an exclamation mark when a colon is involved.

FirstNations said...


*falls to the floor twitching and foaming*

BEAST said...

Letty Cruz. The Beast manfully tackled Mrs Gaskings bush with a stout pair of shears , Mr Gaskins being laid up with broken ribs wastoo weak to be of service.
Mr Sullivan I shall be visiting your comedy blog this very evening , I may bring Mr Mutley along with me (he doesnt get out much).
Donn. HAve you concidered this may be his hobby ???
Miss Nations. How dare you....I dont come and wave salad vegetables around on your blog
Have you seen the size of my marrow

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