Sunday, 20 April 2008

A DELICATE HINT OF BOWEL



Half the week we spent enveloped in a choking cloud of vile odours wafted over the English Chanel by the dreadful french .Redolent of the horrors of continental plumbing , cow farts and gauloise , It bought back olfactory memories of having to use 'Turkish' toilets on the motorway into Paris.If you have been there you will know what i mean.
What do you expect from a nation that only wash below the waist , the sooner we get out of the European Union the better.


Our freaky April weather continues with a somewhat protracted Thunderstorm this afternoon. Now I both love a good storm , but they also frighten me . I think the fright bit comes from grandma Beasty , she was a little wrinkled , gnome of a woman with no teeth , she was a veritable storehouse of bizarre stories and superstitions. She would creep about when it stormed , taking out all her hair pins (in case she got struck by lightening) and covering all the mirrors (in case evil spirits came thru) , and would then tell us kids terrible stories about people getting struck by lightening so that all that was left was a pair of smoking shoes , or catching site of something nasty in an uncovered mirror and there hair going white and all their family dying and stuff.(it was always some distant relative for added realism)....
This used to frighten the bejezus out five year old kids , and altho I am now in my forties , and its the middle of the day . I am sitting here resisting a very strong urge to cover the huge mirror in my lounge.......I know its stupid , but I wont look at it, just in case :-)

What childhood supestitions do you carry with you into your 'rational' adulthood

21 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Ah Beast, be thankful you weren't brought up in Africa and subjected to tales from the juju man. If you want protection from a storm, take off your shirt and smear your chest with chicken blood.

Liz said...

Are we related? Your grandma sounds rather like mine.

Hammer said...

Grandma is always right. How do you think she stayed alive this long?

MJ said...

I wasn't aware I had the option of having a "rational" adulthood.

The layer of salad cream coating your thighs should be adequate protection.

It's warding me off, anyway.

Leah said...

The mirror story is spooky and wonderful.

I have nothing to equal it--but I've always felt a little frisson of fear when someone opens an umbrella indoors--ever since my own grandmother shivered visibly when she saw me open my little umbrella in the house--

Pink Drama said...

the salad dressing people are wondering why their sales have taken a sudden drop. put some clothes on!!! we're going blind here!!!!

let's test your grandma's theory out. go stand outside while it storms. if you come back alive, then it's a myth. you know what they say about debunking mysteries.

Beast at work said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
Ah Beast, be thankful you weren't brought up in Africa and subjected to tales from the juju man. If you want protection from a storm, take off your shirt and smear your chest with chicken blood.
Mr Bananas , Grandma Beasties solutions to common problems were no less bizzare , but I will wear my chicken blood with pride next time :-)

Beast at work said...

Liz said...
Are we related? Your grandma sounds rather like mine. .
Liz I think they were a thing of their generation , we won't see their like again.....which is probably just as well :-)

Beast at work said...

Hammer said...
Grandma is always right. How do you think she stayed alive this long?

She was as mad as a box of frogs Mr H , but the perfect comedy grandma , I still miss her

Beast at work said...

MJ said...
I wasn't aware I had the option of having a "rational" adulthood.
Maybe you dont Miss MJ , staring at pictures of Piggy's Ass is altering your reality

The layer of salad cream coating your thighs should be adequate protection.

It's warding me off, anyway.

Pffffft , what rubbish , how could you resist this savoury luciousness

Beast at work said...

Leah said...
The mirror story is spooky and wonderful.

I have nothing to equal it--but I've always felt a little frisson of fear when someone opens an umbrella indoors--ever since my own grandmother shivered visibly when she saw me open my little umbrella in the house--

Welcome Leah , me too and dont get me started on shoes on the table and jellied eels

Beast at work said...

Pink Drama said...
the salad dressing people are wondering why their sales have taken a sudden drop. put some clothes on!!! we're going blind here!!!!
Would you like some salad cream on your sandwich ???

let's test your grandma's theory out. go stand outside while it storms. if you come back alive, then it's a myth. you know what they say about debunking mysteries.
Its the mirors that worry me more Pinky....who knows whats lurking in their depths on a stormy night

mutleythedog said...

Never put new shoes on the table... if you spill salt taste it then throw a pinch over your shoulder... black cats crossing your path bring bad luck...never put a crocodile in the bath...drawing your curtains in the day means someone will die... probably lots more.

Beast at work said...

Well Mr M , I have moved the crocodile from the bath to the wardrobe......he wasnt happy !

INNER VOICES said...

that there really are things that go bump in the night....

mutleythedog said...

I found this link for you Mr B!!

Href="http://www.coloncleanseadviser.com/bowel-cleansing.htm/"BOWELS

Daisy said...

one side of my family was italian...full of superstition...the other side was german...full of every other superstition...i never really paid attention to any of it...if i had i would absolutely nuts or agoraphobic by this time...however, the one where if you step on a crack in the sidewalk you break your mothers back saying i have used to my benefit :) and it releases a lot of tension!

Evil Lunch Lady said...

I can't cross out the days on a calender unless it's past that day. I MUST white out the x mark if I do. OCD? or Fear? dunno which.

electro-kevin said...

I have a childhood superstition that I must not put my fingers in plug sockets.

Apparently it brings bad luck and I can't make myself do it to this day.

BEAST said...

Mr Voices , I am more worried about things that bleat in the night....but beggars cant be choosers.

Mr M , thank you for the link , I find a stirrup pump , a bucket of soapy water and a wire brush does the trick.

Daisy I can picture you stamping down the street :-).

Evil lunch lady . Welcome. What happens if you leve the cross there

EK . As I have fingers like 2 pound of pork sausages , they wont fit !

Mr Gaskins Curiosity Emporium said...

I still say 'morning magpie, how's missus magpie' salute and spit if I see one of the buggers (one for sorrow... I ignore it if its two, which is for joy (nice gal), three for a girl I also ignore, but do the same mornin' magpie thing for four for a boy (as I'm not that way inclined)- I'm not sure about 5 onwards for what magpies mean...

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