Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Shaved Pussy

W T F indeed , I hear you cry.
The Beast publishing pornographic pictures of shaven havens


As if.... you filthy lot , thats what MJ is for , its something even more exciting

Bored with a lazy do nothing cat.What bloody use are they , slouching about , all arrogance and fleas......Wait till the tiresome little blighter settles down for its 15th nap of the day and then set about it with the hair clippers.
Ha !Lets see you try and pull off cool feline grace now tiddles....




On another note , something is croaking in my water fe ature. Aha a frog I thought, but Miss First Nations has been reading her back catalog of X Files comics and cautions me its more likely to be a mutant Alien face hugging thing , thats trying to lure me out into the garden and leap upon me , cover me in intergalactic snot ,thrust its rampant slimey proboscis down my throat and impregnate me with alien eggs and goo and stuff *.Where upon I will burst open at lunch next day , showering my co workers with half chewed lasagne , intestines and loads of icky alien spawn**.

My question : Is this justification for a day off sick and what shall I write on the sick form ??

* Sounds like a night out with Piggy , Tazzy and MJ

** The Staff canteen Lasagne being what it is , no one may notice the difference

27 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Your description of being ravished by the alien was rather too vivid, Beast. It sounds suspiciously like a fantasy.

MJ said...

Revenge will be mine on Filthy Friday.

Beast at work said...

Gorilla Bananas said...
Your description of being ravished by the alien was rather too vivid, Beast. It sounds suspiciously like a fantasy.

I am harbouring no secret desires to be molested by and alien frog thing Mr Bananas. I blame the richness of my description on trapped wind !

Beast at work said...

MJ said...
Revenge will be mine on Filthy Friday.

Oh lord I forgot about 'Filthy Friday'
***runs off and hides***

Lippy said...

Blogging at work beast - shameful!
I work at home and therefore never blog from work!

You can have my flu and therefore justifcation for a real sick note...a more than generous offer I feel!

Newforestandy said...

Well apart from the pussy shaving topic, it sounds like a normal event in the Boscombe/Southbourne area. I know how all sorts of creatures lurk about. Mind you if it 'glows' perhaps it has migrated from Bridport?

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I think pregnancy or 'womens troubles' would be more than adequate on the sick form.

Of course, you will have to deal with the aftermath: A media circus about a pregnant man.
Oh, and Kim & Aggie may have to come around to clean up the mess!

MJ said...

Have you played the Man Flu card one too many times?

Anonymous said...

FUCK ME THIS BLOGG IS BECOMEING MORE CHILDISH THEN EVER!! HE HE HE HE HE HE.. HA HA HA HA HA HA OH LOOK ITS A CUCUMBER HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HA HA HA HA OH MY LOOK AT THE BUNS ON THAT HE HE HE IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING GLADD I DONT WORK IN A SHITING OFFICE.. HE HE HE HA HA HA... YAWNS..

CAFE CUNTT DAHLINGS.. HE E HE

BEAST said...

Lippy said...
Blogging at work beast - shameful!
I work at home and therefore never blog from work!

You can have my flu and therefore justifcation for a real sick note...a more than generous offer I feel!

Lippy , well if they are foolish enough to give me internet access , they only have themselves to blame.

BEAST said...

Newforestandy said...
Well apart from the pussy shaving topic, it sounds like a normal event in the Boscombe/Southbourne area. I know how all sorts of creatures lurk about. Mind you if it 'glows' perhaps it has migrated from Bridport?

I suppose your right Mr NFA , strange things happen in the Boscombe triangle , even stranger things in Bridport

BEAST said...

Inexplicable DeVice said...
I think pregnancy or 'womens troubles' would be more than adequate on the sick form.

Of course, you will have to deal with the aftermath: A media circus about a pregnant man.
Oh, and Kim & Aggie may have to come around to clean up the mess!

I might have a few problems pulling off the womens problems gambit. Ihope Kim and Aggie have a shovel and a few buckets

BEAST said...

MJ said...
Have you played the Man Flu card one too many times?

I am hardly ever off sick Miss MJ , The Beast always struggles in , publically suffers , and laps up the sympathy

BEAST said...

Anonymous said...
FUCK ME THIS BLOGG IS BECOMEING MORE CHILDISH THEN EVER!! HE HE HE HE HE HE.. HA HA HA HA HA HA OH LOOK ITS A CUCUMBER HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HA HA HA HA OH MY LOOK AT THE BUNS ON THAT HE HE HE IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING GLADD I DONT WORK IN A SHITING OFFICE.. HE HE HE HA HA HA... YAWNS..

CAFE CUNTT DAHLINGS.. HE E HE

work ??? WORK ???? Mr C ????

Homey Escapeon said...

You know when you were talking about luring and leaping and being covering in snot, and thrusting rampant slimey things down throats and impregnating with goo and stuff....

it reminded me of Prom Night
((sigh))
Good Times!

UBERMOUTH said...

That cat is so cute. It will be on all the runways of Paris and Milan this fall!

BEAST said...

Homey Escapeon said...
You know when you were talking about luring and leaping and being covering in snot, and thrusting rampant slimey things down throats and impregnating with goo and stuff....

it reminded me of Prom Night
((sigh))
Good Times!

Oh yes a drew on those adolecent happenings in my description of alien molestation....there was this one girl called Pinhole Paula....desperation was her middle name

BEAST said...

UBERMOUTH said...
That cat is so cute. It will be on all the runways of Paris and Milan this fall!

Its an easy look to copy....get ya ladyshave out

FirstNations said...

you make it sound almost too tempting.

but no, no, I'll just stay in the house today....


*looking longingly out window hoping to see Signourey Weaver gallop past*

FirstNations said...

RESTAURANTEUR CUNT...
tastes just like chicken!
tasty? hm? a little hollandaise? a little beurre blanc?
(I mean Signourey Weaver, of course.)

BEAST said...

Miss FN . Sigourney versus Mr C ....now there's a film script in the making. Does Sigourney gallop then , I had her down as a lithesome saunterer meself

mutleythedog said...

Is it one of those weird monsters from the Halo series perhaps? Either way it would surely die if it encountered the partially digested lasagne? Had you thought it might be something like a newt?

FirstNations said...

i thought newts were voiceless? do they have a song? Is the song of the newt heard throughout your land? are they shaven newts? do they gallop?

Newforestandy said...

It cant be a newt, surely, as I thought they dont talk, they just get p****d!

Frobisher said...

Hello Beast! is the post worth reading???

BEAST said...

Mr Mutley. I may have been a newt playing a trumpet I suppose.

Miss FN . There are no doubt shaven newts cavorting and singing their newt songs in the hidden glades deep in the forest.

Mr NFA. Go and have another babycham , you old lush.

Talking of old Lush's....
Mr Frobisher. No its not worth reading Mr F . Print it out and hang it in the lavatory with the rest

Pink Drama said...

no wonder all the animals run away in utter terror when they hear your name. you've obviously been terrifying them in ways imaginable but unspeakable. well, unspeakable for most. i'm sure someone will give us a few ideas.

About Me

My Photo
Doing Other Stuff for a while.Mail /MSN messenger on beastch@hotmail.co.uk...COME AND SAY HELLO GO ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO